Guilt at considering nursery care for no particular reason(15 Posts)
I have a 20 month old son and plan to put him into a local nursery for two mornings a week. Today when the nursery contacted me about trial sessions I suddenly felt an awful guilt.
I don't have any other children and at present no job. I know I want to put him into nursery for selfish reasons ie to claim back some time for myself. I feel awful admitting that I don't want to be with my son 24/7.
Anyone else felt like this?
Are you sure that's enough ?
Most people like us have family that bail them out regularly and that doesn't count as using childcare and no-one comments or criticises. But to the dc it may or may not be better. I don't that if she were still alive, dd would enjoy being with my mum more than her CM.
DD is adorable but I would go completely bonkers with the utter tedium if I were with her 24/7. I've said that on two threads now, how bad a mother am I
I need the time to study - but I don't know how I would cope if i didn't have that excuse!
I have 3 DC and each one has done a short day at nursery from 14m. The 1st two times I was PG with the next one and needed time to do all the AN stuff and rest a bit.... This time with DD I did feel more guilty. But then until 2 weeks ago I had all 3 at home and DS works long hours and in the week I am in sole charge. I do all the admin at home (money/ bills/ phone calls/ organising/ tax returns etc) and I volunteer for the NCT. I need that time to do it all and yes it keeps me sane.
Its easy to say 'Don't feel guilty' I do but still do it. You are not alone. What other job in the world is 24/7
sounds fine to me. dd goes 2 afternoons.
in fact, we just got back from holiday, plane landed, i said 'oooh dd we've landed!' dd said 'oh good can i go to nursery now.' she is 2.
suze I dont have family I can ask to mind my children so both my daughters [20mths and 2.9yrs] go to a private nursery for 2 mornings a week and ds has jsut started reception. I need them to go one morning as I see a psychologist for personal issues but the other morning is a bonus!! They love it and I have chance to do a MN tidy up without worrying about where they are and what they are doing.
DS (13 months) loves nursery on the two mornings a week that he goes. It took a while for him to get used to it, but now he toddles off on his own as soon as we're through the door. I think it's a wonderful experience for them, and short sessions aren't too tiring. Make sure that you plan some lovely things for you to do during the first few sessions to take your mind off the separation. You'll both really enjoy the time once you get used to it; and you'll being together even more than you do now. Honestly!
That sounds a good idea and not for 'no reason'. It's a good reason and not a selfish one. You will feel good for a few hours to yourself. Do not feel guilty!
Needing / wanting a break is good enough reason if you ask me. Being a mother is a full on hard job. I go to work to get a rest. You take it easy and relax and enjoy your well earned time to yourself, it'll do you both good.
Sounds perfectly reasonable.
My ds is 2 and since he was about 6 mths he has spent one morning a week with grandparents and another mornign with granny and it has kept me sane. In the absence of them, i would have hired a childminder for a few hours or sent him to nursery.
You are still his no.1 carer and you are always his mummy. It is very, very important to have a bit of time to yourself. As others have said, he will love the company of other children and you'll be so glad to see him when he comes out nad hear what he's been doing with his little friends.
I think the guilt is just a Mum thing and you cant help it!
My DS (he is nearly 3) goes to nursery 3 afternoons a week. He's been going for well over a year and I still feel a bit lazy and guilty for sending him!!!
I now have DS2 who is nearly 7 months and so still have him at home when DS1 is at nursery but he naps and is easier to sit somewhere while I do cleaning and other necessary things!
I do sometimes feel like everyone must be staring at me when I waltz in at pick up time in my jeans with DS2 in the sling (looking like I've been at home all day while DS1 is at nursery!) and all the other Mums are collecting the children in 'work' clothes
Ds did two days per week at nursery from 7 months, so I could - ahem- "freelance". Well I did a bit. Not 2 days worth though. I also just needed a breather. No relatives around so pretty full on the rest of the time. Discard the guilt. He won't suffer and you will enjoy your time together more.
I don't think I know any SAHMs that don't have some kind of childcare/playgroup type thing for a couple of mornings a week by the time the child is 18mnths/2. I think it is a really healthy thing for both mother and child.
Full time nanny or nursery when you are at home - another matter perhaps but a couple of mornings, fine. The way I think of it - parenting is a seven day a week job and most mothers don't get much time off at the weekend, so a couple of mornings makes sense for general sanity.
I think it is good for all children to spend time away from their main carers - whether that be with a grandparent / other family member, childminder or private nursery. It helps them develop socially and to realise that their world does not revolve around their mum (or dad).
It is an easy choice for those that go back to work - as you need childcare to be able to go back to work, but for a SAHM mum it must be a tricky choice. I say if you can afford it, then go for it - you deserve a bit of me time - everyone does! Dont feel guilty for it - it is part of being a mum to feel guilty.
My DS goes to nursery 2 (short) days a week, he's 2.4 and I feel TERRIBLE guilt about it as I don't work. I needed him to go there one day a week as i was seeing a counsellor about personal issues. But the nursery and others said it was actually better for the child to do at least 2 days as otherwise it's a really long gap in between each time they go and it's much harder for them to settle.
So anyway, DS goes 2 days a week and for me it is not a luxury, it's a necessity. I have no family nearby to help in any way and DH works long hours and is totally focussed on work during the week so from 8am to 8pm, Monday to Friday, i am completely on my own. If i didn't have that breathing space whilst DS is at nursery i would go completely mental. I also have DD who has just started year 1.
I won't say don't feel guilty as i think you will, i do, but perhaps it's healthy to feel guilty as it shows you care about your child.
Thanks for all your comments. Like a few of you here I don't have any friends/family close enough to help out. My partner works long hours and even at the weekends feeding/changing etc fall to me.
I go to as many toddler groups as I can but these are ones where I stay with DS. I'm beginning to go stir crazy and I know that if I don't do something it will have a detrimental effect on my relationship with my DS and probably my DP.
If nursery works out I plan to use the time to do something outrageous like swimming. The irony is that I'm desperate for a DS/DD #2. I think I must be mad.
Join the discussion
Please login first.