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Recognition for SAHM!!!

(65 Posts)
groovychick2 Wed 17-Sep-08 12:12:55

Does anyone else feel inferior bacause they do not work and are a SAHM? Another Mum at school the other day who works said to me "what are you doing today?" and before I could answer she added "Nothing I suppose"!!angry Bl*y Cheek!! As a SAHM you do not get days off, cant phone in sick, no one ever pats you on the back and says well done and more to the point you do not get paid!!!!

siblingrivalry Wed 17-Sep-08 12:22:29

I'm a SAHM -I gave up work a year ago - and I am convinced that dh thinks I just sit round drinking coffee all day and 'playing' on MN!

{ SR puts coffee cup out of sight} grin

Try to let it go over your head if you can, groovychick. I get annoyed by it too, but have realised that the people who make the most sarcastic comments are the ones who are envy.

My favourite comment is : 'It must be nice to be able to afford to be at home.'
I just smile, while thinking ' Yeah, that's why we drive a crappy car and haven't had a holiday this year'.

It's just about choices, isn't it. Maybe the woman who was so cheeky to you isn't happy with her choices?
You need a witty reply ready for next time! Sorry, can't think of one ATM - all the coffee and biscuits have addled my brain grin

groovychick2 Wed 17-Sep-08 12:31:38

Thanks sibs I agree, reckon they are envy!!!

belgo Wed 17-Sep-08 12:32:41

'nothing I suppose' shock how incredibly rude!

OonaghBhuna Wed 17-Sep-08 12:33:55

This is so rude. I work very part time hours only one afternoon per week. Last week a friend said 'I couldnt stay at home and not work cause I cant do the cleaning thing every day' She thought that sahms clean all day long........ Also my sil told me that she couldnt give up her career like me.................I am sure i could think of loads of other comments.

Boyswillbeboys Wed 17-Sep-08 12:34:04

It's just jealousy, take no notice! Or agree with her, that will shut her up!! I am a SAHM, also studying part time and volunteering for a local charity, but I have to say that it is not as hard as going out to work so I am eternally grateful that I don't have to. I know it's constant, 24/7, unpaid, usually no recognition of how hard you work but I know I would rather do this than have to take orders from someone else again!

thebecster Wed 17-Sep-08 12:37:07

how very rude of her! But people are rude every which way. When I was FT WOHM I got 'Oh, but don't you love your baby?' (We were up to eyes in debt, I really did have to work.)

When I took a few months to spend time just with DS I got 'Well, if you're not going anywhere in your career, you might as well be a mum.' and 'So what are you going to do with your time? You'll have to keep us all updated on what's going on with daytime tv!'

Now I'm PT WAHM I seem to cop it every which way. 'It must be lovely to have so much time for yourself' someone said to me the other day. She's not a mother. Time for myself! Ha!

Just rise above any SAHM vs Working mother debate. They are a nonsense. We're all doing our best.

Best reply I can think of is just that 'Today, I will be doing my best for my family, and I'm sure you'll be busy doing your best for your family, and I'm sure we'll both be very busy doing it. Bye.'

PuzzleRocks Wed 17-Sep-08 12:38:29

Sibling is right. We are all just trying to do our best but it's the mothers who deep down are not happy with their choice, SAHM or WOHM, that feel the need to make snide remarks to others.
I'm self employed and work from home but limit the hours I work (usually evenings) so I can look after my daughter all week. My BIL said recently, "you have it pretty easy". I was about to bite but his wife said "sure love, and coming from you who is panting and red faced after 5 minutes looking after your niece".

groovychick2 Wed 17-Sep-08 12:38:29

Yes boys- My friend still works where I did and she hates it!!, so in many ways I am glad to be out of it. However, when people ask what you "do" it sometimes feels a little awkward.

ajm200 Wed 17-Sep-08 12:42:34

Haven't had the comments too often from other mums but have from DH.

I found the best way to make DH realise what you do all day is to stop and live up to his expectations of a SAHM. It worked with mine.

Also, I find that some people who make catty comments about SAHM,are jealous as they can't afford to do the same, don't have kids, tried to be a SAHM and couldn't hack it or took minimal maternity leave before going back to work and forget that the lovely, cuddly baby they looked after while they were at home all day isn't that same a looking after one or more mischevious, mobile, demanding LOs who can make mess faster than it is humanly possible to clear it up.

It isn't for everyone and I still miss my job some days and wonder why I'm at home but the good bits make up for it.

OneLieIn Wed 17-Sep-08 12:44:41

So, let me ask the question, what do SAHMs do during the day when their DCs are at school?

I am asking in a genuine desire to understand, not a desire to be flamed.

OonaghBhuna Wed 17-Sep-08 12:45:38

Try not to feel awkward. Being a sahm is extremely hard work challenging and rewarding. I think its much harder than being at work where you get lunchbreaks and the odd tea break. I try to be creative with activities for my children and try to engage them as much as possible.Be proud of what you are doing and after all its such a short time out of your life.

Tclanger Wed 17-Sep-08 12:50:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

palaver Wed 17-Sep-08 12:50:27

"what do SAHMs do during the day when their DCs are at school?"

Answer: Anything they want to grin

groovychick2 Wed 17-Sep-08 12:54:12

OneLieIn-I do everything in the house. Washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning, gardening, paying the bills, taking kids to/from school & being there when they are ill. I go to the gym when I am not doing all that. I have seen children in tears at the end of the school day because they have to go the the after school club. I am not against working mothers just fed of the lack of recognition SAHMs get!!

psychomum5 Wed 17-Sep-08 12:56:24

I do the same as I used to when they were not in school (well, with the exception of now not having to go to those torture sessions baby groups.

and I can do all I need to far better as I only have to do it the once, as opposed to the kiddies following me around undoing all I did!

willali Wed 17-Sep-08 12:58:16

OneLieIn - this is my day today (fairly typical)

Up, get DC's up, breakfast, dogs food and out, sort out bags, school forms etc, put a load of washing in and out of the dryer from last night, get all out of the door (I have refrained from mentioning all the shouting and nagging!!)15min drive to school, drop DC's

Go to gym for half an hour swim, come home, answer emails re charity project am volunteering for, look at possible holiday accomodation on internet, write some cheques, file paperwork, mark DC's Kumon for this week, put washing from this morning into dryer. Have lunch (and look at MN!)

After this I will be taking dogs for a walk then coming back to sort out winter clothes from the attic and putting summer clothes away. Then will be picking up younger child from school (via supermarket for small top up shop), back home for an hour or so during which homework will be supervised and Tea made. Then back to school to pick up elder DC from after school club, back for tea and more homework (again missing out on shouting and nagging aspect of all this)then will supervise showers, hear younger DC reading and put to bed. Then I will make dinner for me and DH who will not be home before 8pm, we will eat it while watching some TV, I will clear up, probably put more washing on and then fall into bed.

Don't know if that matches up to your expectations of what SAHM does - this is my reality and I love it!

ajm200 Wed 17-Sep-08 12:58:17

Not sure I'm a typical SAHM but

If my LO was at nursery part time, I'd take the opportunity to get the housework done without interruption. When I worked I used to get it all done in a couple of hours each evening but there was no-one to mess it up. DH and I used to keep the house clean and tidy up as we went. With a LO about, I clean every day but with constant interruptions, it takes much longer and rather than sitting down with a cuppa at the end and admiring my handiwork often I look at in horror as there is more mess, crumbs and sticky finger prints than when I started. The joys of raising toddlers!

If DS was in school 9-3 I'd get a part time job.

I do actually miss working for the mental stimulation of problem solving and the adult company.

matildax Wed 17-Sep-08 13:17:23

shock what a cheeky bitch she was. groovy chick, i would be very cross

i get this all the time, it really pisses me off. sometimes i dream of working, and having a little time away from the little ones. but i CHOOSE to be a sahm. imo they grow so quick, that i prefer to have less money coming in, and be there for them all day.

it is just my choice, and dp is happy with the arrangement. so a big 2 fingered bugger off wink to anyone who thinks being a sahm is easy, it is not always the the easy option.

groovychick2 Wed 17-Sep-08 13:29:05

It is not always that easy to get work that fits in around your DCs either! Especially if you have no family nearby who can help. There is the school holidays to consider and if they are ill. Also having not worked for a while I feel a little "out of touch" with the workplace and that employers might overlook me because of this.sad

matildax Wed 17-Sep-08 13:38:14

of course groovy, i agree.

i have noone to watch my ds, (20 months) or to pick up my dd2 who is 6 from school. i have no family near by either, (not that they would help out,] i am what you would call the black sheep of the family!! hmm but still i know what you mean.

and i agree with the school hols also.

dont feel bad, enjoy your time with your children, thats what i say to myself anyway smile

Boyswillbeboys Wed 17-Sep-08 13:41:48

Agree with groovy about work that fits in with school. I would love to go back to work as my youngest has just started reception, but where do you find a 9.30am-3pm job that offers 13 weeks holidays? I don't have family nearby and I really want to be there to take DCs to school and pick them up, more than I want a job!

TheFallenMadonna Wed 17-Sep-08 13:45:59

I find I do do nothing though. Of course I should be revising (and housework I suppose), but still...

I'm going back to work in November.

Of course she was rude. But if you're happy and doing the right thing for you then there's no need to get angry.

groovychick2 Wed 17-Sep-08 14:45:48

Thanks everyone. SAHMs unite!!! grin

junkcollector Wed 17-Sep-08 15:09:02

I gave up work in April and it's not other people but my own perception of myself (if that makes sense?!). I work harder and for longer than I ever did before but when new people ask me what I do I can't bring myself to say SAHM. ( I say Freelance blush). Why OH WHY! It's ridiculous- it takes more skills and initiative than sitting in a meeting drinking tea and talking about the colour of the new corporate brochure!

I agree groovychick SAHMs unite!

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