need help - what to do?

[bookswapper]

DS (almost 3) is not settling at playgroup (this is his fourth week, 2 days a week)
He seemed to have attached himself to a member of staff and I left him with her today, reading a story.
After I left he cried for his mummy and cried on and off for the two hour session.

When I returned, this staff member told me he had had his worst day yet.

Tonight, DS told my DH, when he asked about playgroup that "the lady doesnt like me"
We are in bits. We have no way of knowing which lady he means and no way of finding out. Its horrible thinking he feels he is somewhere (without mum or dad) with someone who doesnt like him.

I dont think he is making it up or could make this up.

What would you do? Phone them to find out why he might have said this? We are tempted to just take him out.

[glasgowgal]

Is playgroup one where you have to take a turn at helping out or is it nursery? If the former, could you volunteer to help out for a while every day for the first few weeks until he is settled?

If nursery, speak to them. You should also feel reassured that if there are svereal adults in the room with your child it is unlikely any oone of them would be able to be rotten to your LO. They will be able to advise you on what to do, hoe to settle him.

I know this is very hard and the temptation to remove your LO from the situation is overwhelming but that may do more harm than good. He may never settle anywhere if he thinks he can alsways show a prefernce for being with you. Do you need it for childcare?

Having said that, if you and he are both upset a few weeks from now you may have to say you have given it your best shot and look at alternatives.

Good luck!

[glasgowgal]

Sorry , just looked at spelling. Hope you understand despite all the errors.

[bookswapper]

hi thanks for replying
I have offered to do more than my share of helping but they arent keen for me to stay to help as they say he wont settle with me there

we are trying getting my husband to leave him this week

[FourArms]

I'd be a bit about them not wanting you to stay. They're probably right that it won't do much about helping him settle, but it's nice for you to see what goes on, feel like you know the staff better etc etc.

My DS2 (2yrs 2mnths) has just started pre-school (yesterday). He will be doing 2 x 2.5 hour sessions per week. I stayed for the whole session yesterday, will probably stay for the first 20 minutes on Thursday (whilst they have circle time), and then try and leave. However, they'd be more than happy (I hope!) if I wanted to stay for the whole session.

This pre-school encourages parents to stay and help if they like, and I really like this open door policy.

[FourArms]

BTW - you might get more responses posting this in pre-schools.

[bookswapper]

thanks! Rubbish at this too!

they are not keen on that at this playgroup