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## I've just been mean to DS2 over his homework

(19 Posts)

DS2 (7) brought homework home tonight. Very easy maths sums.

It took him over 10 minutes to work out 8 add 4 simply because he was too busy acting daft, doing stupid voices and generally not paying attention. I could feel myself getting wound up.

Anyway then we came to double numbers such as:

13
+12
----
----

So I explained calmly that to do these, you first add the 3 and the 2...and this makes...? DS answers "erm, 3" so I shouted at him 3 ADD 2, what is it?" so he threw his pen down and said he didn't know. I was getting more and more wound up, gave him 5 seconds to come up with the answer and reminded him that the kids in year 1 were probably doing to same 'baby sums' as these he went in a strop.

So 5 minutes later he came back to it, I asked calmly "what's 3 and 2?" and he answered straight away "5". so I explained that next we add the 1 and 1 ... which is ...he answered "2" so I showed him how this gave us the answer 25.

So onto the next one...

15
+24
----
----

I asked "right, so what numbers do we add first?" he replied "dunno" I asked him to look back at the other one and repeated "so what did we do first?" and he replied "13+2" ??? So I kept my temper in check and explained how to do these sums again.

Then on to the 3rd one...

61
+72
----
----

me: "so, what numbers do we add first?"
ds: "umm...61?"
me: "no, remember...what do we do first...like we did in the other two...?"

So I explained how to do these AGAIN and he then got stuck on 8+4...I just lost it completely and sent him to bed.

I do feel guilty now as he has been trying really hard lately with his behaviour and everything but he's so infuriating when he decides he's not going to do something.

Please someone else tell me they've reacted similar to their kids acting like this or am I a witch/bitch?

WigWamBam Tue 16-Sep-08 19:36:00

I think you should have stopped once you started getting wound up, to be honest - it would have waited until another day, when you were both in a better mood for it. One warning, calmly, that if he doesn't start concentrating then it (whatever it is) will be put away - and then put it away if the behaviour continues.

There is something to bear in mind though: they don't add up like that these days so you may have been confusing him when you started adding up in columns. He may not have been deliberately winding you up; he may genuinely not understand the way you were trying to help him.

TsarChasm Tue 16-Sep-08 19:38:14

I have some terrible memories of maths homework with my dad. I always ended up in tears. Especially doing fractions.

But I guess I was a bit older than 7 looking back.

I hate them having homework at this age Not everyone is good at maths and not everyone is good at teaching either so don't feel bad.

Sometimes my own attempts with homework seem to make things worse. Maybe they're doing it a different way at school?

memoo Tue 16-Sep-08 19:40:19

I think you need to try and keep your temper in check in situations like this, I do know how frustrating it is though.

Sometimes kids act up and are silly because they genuinely don't know how to do the work.

Next time tell him that if he doesn't do it then fine but he'll be the one who has to explain to his teacher why it isn't done.

I just get so annoyed I don't know why because I am terrible with maths but my parents never pushed me to do ANYTHING or encouraged anything I did and I kind of blame that on me not achieving much throughout life so far. That is why I'm so pushy with my kids...I look at the kids around on the estate, same age as DS1 (10) playing out after school and the highlight of their lives seems to be smashing up empty houses, throwing things at windows and sneaking the odd cig. I've seen these types of kids grow up and they end up jobless, living on these shit estates for every getting into all sorts of bother. I just want more for my kids.

I do feel guilty though. I didn't want to upset him.

Tue 16-Sep-08 19:45:58

yes do be careful with column additions - it's not like 'in our day'!! It's not 1+1 you are adding in the 'tens column' it's 10+10. There are lots of different ways to do 'sums' now such as chunking numbers

MaloryDontDiveItsShallow Tue 16-Sep-08 19:48:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tue 16-Sep-08 19:49:45

Great minds think alike Malory

Tue 16-Sep-08 19:49:54

I had lots of times like that when DD was that age. WigWam is right too, they don't add up units first anymore, so be careful. I found in the end, to let her go to school with incomplete homework. Afterall, if he genuinely didn't get it, the teacher needs to see and offer the help where needed. I also found that she was much nicer to the teacher than me!

Don't feel bad, we've all over reacted at times, just chalk it up to experience and tell yourself that you won't get yourself in a mess over homework again.

WigWamBam Tue 16-Sep-08 19:52:02

Is he still awake, d'you think?

Might make you both feel better if you went up and had a little cuddle. Tell him you're sorry you snapped, and you'll have another go tomorrow when you're both feeling calmer.

And stop beating yourself up about it. You'd be a rare parent who didn't get wound up sometimes

Tue 16-Sep-08 20:02:06

We all have days like that! Give him a big hug & forgive each other.

Save the worrying for when you can't do their homework - DS wanted help with quadratic equations last night! That's when you say "tell the teacher if you didn't understand"

Tue 16-Sep-08 20:08:43

My DS sounds the same as yours and I get wound up sometime with his silly messing around but I usually resolve it by saying "Ok lets stop now, Its Ok if you can't do it. I'll just write a note to your teacher so that she knows you couldnt do it" that makes him do it.

pudding25 Tue 16-Sep-08 21:21:58

The school I teach in has a handbook explaining the different methods used nowadays. Perhaps you could ask your school to see if they have something similar.

blowsy Tue 16-Sep-08 21:33:32

I feel for you MrsSnape. I often sit down at the table for homework with the dcs, all perfect mummy-like, about to give of my knowledge and time in a patient and saintly manner.

5 minutes later I have turned into some sort of banshee woman, convinced my kids are semi literate morons.

Then, later on when they are in bed, I will spend all evening berating myself over my lack of patience!

Thanks for all the advice I went in to DS in the end and apologised for being stroppy and mean and I told him its ok if he finds maths hard because I can't do it either! he laughed at that and we had a cuddle. I also asked him if he'd like to read his school book to me instead "because I know what a brilliant reader you are..." and he jumped at the chance.

I do feel better for 'making up' with him, I hate them to go to sleep on bad feelings.

Its wierd, I was told with DS1 that they don't do sums like that anymore...however last week he brought them home and was told to do them that way?? Its mad.

Blowsy, we sound VERY similar!

Tue 16-Sep-08 21:38:20

I have had exactly the same sort of evening with DS (7) YR3.

I have just sent in a note asking how we go about getting external help. I am not prepared to damage my relationship with DS for the sake of farking homework.

Tue 16-Sep-08 21:39:45

Blowsy

You are my alter ego...