How can I motivate my only 7 yo ds

[crazedupmom]

Hi
I am finding it such a strain with my ds atm.
I am well aware that as an only he should be going to clubs having plenty of mates around enouraged to go out and play with children in the street etc.
However although my ds does enjoy having a mate home from school I don,t find it easy to arrange all of the time and he is hardly ever invited back, and I do suspect that my ds does think about this as he commented that he would like to go tho other peoples houses instead of them always coming to ours.
I have tried to get him interested in clubs thinking that it will at least give him some outside interest, but he refuses point blank to go to anything and gets really upset if I try to persuade him. He does seem a little shy around people he does not know and I worry about that as well.
I find him very difficult to get interested in any creative activities and sometimes all that he does is sits in front of the telly.
I am at a loss really as to what to do with him.
There are no cousins and I have no mom friends with children the same age so there is not really that sort of stimulation around him.
He refuses to go out and play with any children in the street and insists he doesn,t want to although I suspect that if one of them come up to him and asked him to play he would be off like a shot.
Is this what only children are like I really don,t know what to make of him.
I feel quite depressed about him tbh and wish he had more zest in him.
I have thought about getting him a dog thinking it will give him a companian and bring out his best side.
Please does anybody else have an only like this.

[GooseyLoosey]

My ds (5) can be a little like this - we invite way more children than invite him back.

He is not good at group interaction - he does not understand the dynamics of groups and is quite shy. I thought that the way to deal with this would be to get him to play some team sports so he could learn group skills - he did not want to, but I overrode his objections. I told him that he had to go at least 4 times before he could say that he hated it.

The first time he went, it was a disaster - he hated it and sulked on the sideline for the whole affair. However, I made a point of telling all of the other mothers about it and the next week one other child he likes came along. They had a fab time and ds cannot wait to go again.

Keep inviting other children - eventually some will invite him back. Have you considered inviting other children at the weekend? I used to do it only after school when it can be a real pian, but have recently tried it a few times at weekends and other parents seem to like it.

[crazedupmom]

Okay yes I will try the weekends as well.
tbh I probably worry about him too much I just know that I feel really bad if he goes all week without anyone to play with at all.
He can also be quite picky about who comes I had arranged to take him and a friend to soft play tomorrow but now he is saying he does not want to go with this particular friend.

[Buda]

To answer one of your questions - they are not all like that. I too have a only 7 yr old DS. However he is football mad so does that 3 times a week after school and on Saturday mornings. He is very sociable and we do 'playdates' here or at other houses.

Getting a dog may well be a good idea - we are thinking of it too. Mainly as DH has always wanted a dog as well though.

What kind of things does your DS like to do? If you invite someone over do they play well?

[GooseyLoosey]

Dh says I worry about ds too much as well, but you just can't help it can you.

Can you bulldoze him into somekind of group activity with a friend so shyness is not a problem?

[HonoriaGlossop]

I wouldn't worry about him. He sounds fine to me. Lots of kids don't want to do organised activities. He's very young; he will get enthusiams and interests of his own in due course, just have faith in him.

He is getting PLENTY of interaction and social time at school. So what if he just wants to watch TV when he gets home some evenings; so do I!!!!

I think why not concentrate on doing things WITH him; he'd be doing something, and enjoying some family time, what could be nicer? Also it may well make it a LOT easier for him to want to do things, if he sees YOU out there doing things/having hobbies. I think alot of people forget to do this for themselves, but some kids need this role modelled to them before they can stand on their own two feet with him.

But basically I wouldn't worry about him at all. All this playdate stuff is nice if they like it, and totally un-necessary if they don't.