I've name-changed for this as I feel so bad about what I'm typing.
I've been increasingly struggling with this issue and it's getting worse and I really need help. I'm a lone parent with a 7 yr old DD. Her father's never been around and has no contact with her at all. I've done all the parenting alone, albeit with help from my mother from time to time.
I feel so bad to even write this down, but I find myself getting so frustrated and upset that my DD is not as academically minded as I was at that age and that she's unlikely to be the brightest in her class. I'm an only child, my parents were in their late 40s when I was born, I was privately educated and very precocious from a young age - talking fluently very early on, reading by three...top of the class throughout my school years, straight A grades in all exams, then Oxbridge and an MSc....My DD is so different - far more outgoing, friendly, laid back (I was/am neurotic), more artistic and into dance and drama. But she is not academic - she doesn't read books for pleasure and has to be cajoled to do her reading for school. We were recently reading Matilda together and when we came to the part about Miss Honey choosing books, and the horrible mother choosing looks, my DD piped up that she wanted to pursue the latter route in life . Throughout my life I've been driven by wanting to be the best and to be better academically than my peers. I love striving to get to the top and being rewarded once there. My DD has absolutely no interest in this whatsoever, and I feel increasingly frustrated with her when we come to do homework or in day to day activities such as shopping and working out the change due. I get horribly grumpy with her and cannot understand how she doesn't automatically 'know' the answer....she gets upset, I feel terrible, vow to be a nicer and more understanding mother, then the cycle repeats itself....
I feel that since DD is an only child I'm projecting onto her my aspirations. I sometimes feel that if I had other children who were more academic, I'd be far more relaxed about my DD. And I know and keep telling myself how lucky I am to have such a sweet, loving, pretty, healthy and sensitive child and I know I'm going down the path of screwing her up already. My parents had very high expectations of me and I can't find a way to stop having such expectations of my DD.
I know that I will be judged for this and I'm feeling so guilty to even admit to having such feelings. Does anyone have any words of advice or coping strategies?
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Please help me, feel like world's most awful parent
39 replies
Feelhorriblyguilty · 14/09/2008 22:49
OP posts:
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