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help me not KILL ds1 right now.

(20 Posts)
themildmanneredstalker Sun 14-Sep-08 11:33:28

he is doing his homework.

or rather he is sitting at the table gnashin his teeth and wiling and tapping his pencil and bemoaning the fact that i am insisting he sit at the table until he shows me he is working to the best of his ability.

he is a bright boy and yet wants to do his homework to the standard of a 5 year old.


i can see potential just flying out of the window.

themildmanneredstalker Sun 14-Sep-08 11:37:06

OR do i give in-let him leave it as it is and go and see his teacher tomorrow.

Imnotok Sun 14-Sep-08 11:37:15

Is he 10/11 by any chance? because he sounds just like my ds when I ask him do do anything.

themildmanneredstalker Sun 14-Sep-08 11:38:02

he is 8.

Thankyouandgoodnight Sun 14-Sep-08 11:38:17

Hellishly frustrating but remember that it's more so for him! I LOATHED doing homework.

Just be thankful he's not learning the piano too (or is he?) and you have to get him to sit at that for half an hour a day on top...

ChupitosGalore Sun 14-Sep-08 11:39:25

man, this is my worst nightmare. ok, so i overstated that one a bit; i am not looking forward to this coming up.
i had NO self discipline and found concentrating/doing homeowrk to be really really hard. and the fact that i just couldnt make myself do the stuff (i could have done with my eyes closed) just made me more and more anxious and depressed. had horrors of ending up as a checkout girl at best (with accompanying endless poverty natch) and the fear just paralysed me more.
i wouldnt have the first clue what to say to someoen to motivate them to work for themselves
[goes to find how to talk books to try and figure it out]

themildmanneredstalker Sun 14-Sep-08 11:40:32

no![faints at thought] but he is learning guitar.......

i have told him that once he has done his homework we can go to the park.

he is now actually crying.hmm

i am being hard mummy and ignoring him.

he is just lazy!! he really is. he actually admitted to me that he wants to do the bare minimum to get by.

themildmanneredstalker Sun 14-Sep-08 11:42:02

i too was terrible and ended up with a quarter of the qualifications i should have had, attending the only uni that would have me and having no career to speak of.
mmy parents let me get away with it-i am not allowing him to waste his talents.

Soapbox Sun 14-Sep-08 11:42:03

I would caution against making doing homework seem such a negative experience. Can you be more matter of fact about it (just something that needs to be done and if you work hard first time around we can get on and do the fun things we want to do)?

Or it might be worth finding a way to reward good performance by doing something he likes to do if he works hard at it.

I am assuming in all the above that he is a primary aged child. I really don't think at this age the homework or quality of it, is terribly important to their future academic success. Rather, it is setting the good habits around self-motivation that he will need when he has to start studying seriously when he is older.

Making him sit at a table until he produces work that meets your standards is an exercise in futility in my experience

psychomum5 Sun 14-Sep-08 11:43:22

I hated doing my homework growing up, so much so, I find it extremely hard motivating myself enough to motivate them to do it.

not least as I am one of those that cannot quite agree on homework and why!

still.............they do well enough, and they all get on with doing it if I catch them in the right mood and at the right time.

when it is sunny outside tho, no chance.....

themildmanneredstalker Sun 14-Sep-08 11:45:02

soapbox-that is exactly how i started out. let's get this out of the way so we can go out.

he could have done it in 20 mins.


Soapbox Sun 14-Sep-08 11:49:53

In the overall scheme of things it isn't that important It's the weekend and he should be outside enjoying the sunshine not doing flipping homework! (I'm no fan at all at primary level homework).

If you've been sat there this long labouring over it, then it is time to end this now. Make a note on the homework saying that DS found it a struggle to complete and that having spent an hour or more doing it, you felt it was counterproductive to keep going.

Pack it away in his bag, give him a hug and then move on and enjoy the rest of the day

Thankyouandgoodnight Sun 14-Sep-08 11:50:05

Sympathising with him might help? I don't mean letting him off it but 'being on his side'....?

ChupitosGalore Sun 14-Sep-08 11:53:29

but if hes 'just lazy' ... are you not fighting against his personality?
i am interested in this lazy concept... i like to think everyone has things they are motivated by... just maybe not the stuff in front of them... i was maybe 'just lazy' i still dont really know what was going on with me, but i do know i wound up suicidally depressed aged 13 onwards... and thats definitely something i want to help my dc avoid if i can!

ChupitosGalore Sun 14-Sep-08 11:54:27

sorry mmj, am musing aloud there, not saying youre driving your son to misery!

themildmanneredstalker Sun 14-Sep-08 11:55:19

i agree sopabox-i have just been giving him a helping hand. i am putting a 5 minute limit on it and then thats enough. over.

you are of course right. he's 8 fgs.

Thankyouandgoodnight Sun 14-Sep-08 11:56:43

I do agree though - primary age is not the age for homework but assuming there's no choice I would definitely set a time limit and a regular time that it's done (first thing saturday to get it out of the way?).

At risk of speaking well out of turn but meant in the nicest possible way - be careful you don't over compensate for your issues with him - it will be counterproductive and strain your relationship with him when he's don't want him thinking that you don't think he's good enough and him resenting you...perhaps not relevant yet!

themildmanneredstalker Sun 14-Sep-08 12:01:18

oh i DO think he is good enough! this is my problem-i think he is far better than he isshowing his teacher!

themildmanneredstalker Sun 14-Sep-08 12:02:02

we have smiles now.

thank christ for that.

ChupitosGalore Sun 14-Sep-08 12:14:49


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