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Would this annoy you or am I being too sensitive?

(34 Posts)
MrsSnape Fri 12-Sep-08 14:18:50

I've just had a call from the school. DS2 is in a bit of state after being caught trying to make himself sick shock

Basically what's happened is, during lunch time another kid picked something up from DS's plate to "look at it". DS is VERY touchy about this stuff and refused to eat anymore because it had germs all over it.

The dinner lady then told him to eat it and he said "No because ** touched it" so she told him to stop being ridiculous and eat it otherwise he'd be having no pudding angry DS then said "I won't have anything else then" and so the dinner lady shouted at him to 'stop being cheeky (???) and if he didn't eat it she would take him to the head mistress.

DS got upset and asked the kid in question to show him where he'd put his fingers so he could eat around it. The dinner lady heard him and told him off again (by the sounds of it, winding herself up on purpose) and in the end DS reluctantly ate his lunch. They then caught him trying to throw up in the toilet and told him off again! angry

I'm so annoyed that

a) some kid has not been taught not to touch other people's food
b) the stupid dinner lady forced him to eat it despite knowing someone had touched it and
c) they told him off for being sick!?!

I am thinking of making an apointment with the head, am I over-reacting?

Carmenere Fri 12-Sep-08 14:22:05

Why is your ds so touchy? I mean that it would upset him so much that he would want to make him self sick is a problem, not just touchyness. Are you phobic?

notnowbernard Fri 12-Sep-08 14:22:34

I'd be more worried about the fact that he'd tried to make himself sick because of a fear of germs

lulumama Fri 12-Sep-08 14:23:25

i think the issue is more with your son's issue with germs to the point of refusing to eat and then trying to vomit although the school could have been more sensitive to him

handbagqueen Fri 12-Sep-08 14:25:05

I think you need to speak to the head the lunchtime supervisors are there to help the children not be horrid to them.

My nephew was really sensitive about food and through horrid lunchtime supervisors he developed such a phobia that my SIL had to take his lunch to school for him to eat outside as he couldn't go into the dining room without feeling sick.

Also from a hygiene perspective I wouldn't want my child eating food some other child had fingered.

MadameCastafiore Fri 12-Sep-08 14:25:36

I would be well and truely pissed about someone forcing my child to eat something that obviously caused him so much problems and think the dinner lady in question should have been far more intuative as to what was going on and the fact that your son obviously has a problem with people touching his food so I would go in and speak tot he head.

I do think it would be a good idea to get tot he bottom of his phobia though as it is not a good thing to have at his age - I have one about dirt and germs and stuff but both DCs are fine because I have made sure that they aren't affected by mine - he needs help poor little soal but dinner lady needs to learn to be nicer.

onepieceoflollipop Fri 12-Sep-08 14:25:54

Agree with Carmenere and nnb. Also wondered why he felt unable to eat the rest of the entire meal? I can partly understand him rejecting the bit of food that the other dc had touched, although that wouldn't have bothered my dcs tbh.

I would be concerned about the way he was spoken to though. Perhaps the dinner lady let it get out of hand and should actually have referred to the head (or class teacher or whoever)

MrsSnape Fri 12-Sep-08 14:28:28

I don't know why he's like that, his older brother is the complete opposite but DS2 hates germs. Whilst baking buns the other day my mum scooped some 'sprinkles' off the side (and my mums kitchen sides are always immaculate) and went to add them to the top of the buns and DS nearly had a heart attack over it.

He won't sit on a toilet seat either, he's broken two of ours by "standing" on the toilet seat to have a poo.

lulumama Fri 12-Sep-08 14:30:15

have you sought any help for him re his germ phobia? if the school don;t know it is a genuine issue, then the dinner lady would not have known to be more tactful and supportive, although sounds like she was not very kind anyway....

but if he is that phobic, it needs addressing urgently

MrsSnape Fri 12-Sep-08 14:30:59

I'm a 'little' touchy about germs too. If anyone pumps, burps or sneezes near me I see red and can't drink a cold drink unless its in a glass, not a mug....the thought of drinking a cold drink from a mug makes me feel physically sick.

notnowbernard Fri 12-Sep-08 14:34:13

I agree it would be a good idea to seek advice and support re his phobia

And maybe school should be made aware of it, so any future situations can be handled more sensitively

WigWamBam Fri 12-Sep-08 14:37:47

Does the school know your son has issues around having his food touched? The supervisor's reaction was a bit OTT, but if the school aren't aware of his issues it wouldn't be unreasonable to expect him (a) to eat his food and (b) not to then force himself to be sick. I'm nor surprised he was told off for making himself sick; that's a different thing to simply being sick and presumably they would have reacted differently if it hadn't been deliberate.

Is he seeing anyone about this? If he's trying to make himself sick because someone touched his food (which is actually more common in the dining room than you would think) then it sounds as if he needs some sort of specialist help.

Romy7 Fri 12-Sep-08 14:40:37

maybe you need to re-evaluate what you are teaching him? he's obviously picked up on more of it than your other dc... i'm thinking along the same lines as mums who are petrified of spiders having to get a grip and deal with it rather than passing on phobias to dcs etc?
but school do need to know if he is likely to make himself sick or break school toilet seats because of a 'germ' phobia... and you need to really try to alter some of his/ your behaviours before half of the kids in juniors realise it is hilarious to lick their fingers and then touch him to see him go off on one...
not meaning to be unkind, but i think you do need to address the germ thing - his issues are not going to make his school life easy!

lulumama Fri 12-Sep-08 14:41:25

the key is if school know of his issues and if he is getting any help

cat64 Fri 12-Sep-08 14:42:12

Message withdrawn

SorenLorensen Fri 12-Sep-08 14:43:53

You've got two threads running - I posted on the other one too. I think a trip to your GP would be a good idea - it sounds like he needs help with his phobias - my feeling is that they will get worse if left unaddressed.

MrsSnape Fri 12-Sep-08 14:44:20

I posted it in here first then decided it fitted AIBU better.

DrNortherner Fri 12-Sep-08 14:45:26

I would be cross at the dinner lady forcing him to eat his meal. No kid shold be forced to eat.

But, him trying to throw up afterwards is the bigger isue here imo. Needs nipping in the bud before it gets out of control.

Carmenere Fri 12-Sep-08 14:46:08

He needs to know that, within reason, germs are actually important for his immune system. germs are our friends, they keep us healthy as long as we are allowed/able to build up immunity to them. I'm not talking about filth and muck, I am talking about how a general level of germs is normal. And tell him that lots of different bacteria are really helpful to us too, explain about cheese and actimel type drinks. And how we need some bacteria to keep us healthy.
the poor kid, it is horrible to be so scared of your environment, he shouldn't be bothering his poor little head with these worries.

aly16 Fri 12-Sep-08 15:05:02

I wouldn't eat food that someone else had touched but I think the making himself sick bit is extreme and something to be concerned about. Definitely make an appointment with the Head though as dinnerlady was totally out of order. No child should be forced to eat something they don't want as long as they understand they get anything afterwards then they shouldn't be forced to eat.

stealthsquiggle Fri 12-Sep-08 15:11:01

He needs help with the phobia issues

The school need to understand that he has them and not force him into such a situation again.

fondant4000 Fri 12-Sep-08 15:20:46

IMO it's got nothing to do with phobias - I'll eat anything, including stuff I've dropped on the floor, but I would feel pretty ill at having to eat something someone else (not family) has messed about with.

Have you seen where those kids fingers go!

He is not at fault. The school should not be dealing with any pupil in that way. He even tried to comply by eating round the bit that had been picked up. Why couldn't he leave it?

I would not worry about the making himself sick etc. by that time it had been built up into a huge issue for him - because of the actions of the dinner helper - not because 'he has a problem'

Reginaphilangy Fri 12-Sep-08 15:22:01

Oh bless him, poor little sausage.

Agree with others who say he definitely needs help with his germ phobia (and also you with yours if you don't mind me saying) because it must be so unpleasant for him sad

I don't think the dinner lady acted appropriately but then there are two sides to every story and maybe your ds was feeling a little too senstively to see things clearly?? Only guessing here though.

Hope you get it all sorted.

StayFrosty Fri 12-Sep-08 15:29:42

The school were BU. One minute it's letters about worms, the next children being forced to eat food that other children have touched. Joined-up thinking anyone?

I would definitely have a word with the head. Of course your son's phobia is a separate issue and I think you know that it needs addressing in its own way, but phobia or not, the supervisor was way out of line. I thought the bad old days of children being publicly bollocked at dinner and forced to eat every single thing on their plates were long over. sad

SmallShips Fri 12-Sep-08 15:37:33

I would speak to the head about the dinner ladies behaviour and then address the germ phobia for both of you.

Ive just started seeing a counsellor for my germ phobia, as we realised the other week that our DS 2.6 had stopped eating the corners (or parts he touches) of any food he eats by hand, which i do.

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