Has anybody else got an only ds who just sits and plays on the wii and watches tv after school until bedtime.

[hellraiser]

Hi
I get worried about it alot as I think that he should be having more of a social life than what he is.
The problem is that I have tried to encourage him to join clubs, play out with children in the street, etc, and I just cannot seem to motivate him at all and it ends up in a screaming match and what doesn,t help is that my dp will stand there and ask what my problem is and why I won,t let the kid just chill out and play on his wii or watch telly if thats what he wants to do.
He won,t join in with children out playing in the street as he says they will all end up at our house and he prefers to just play with one person and doesn,t mind just having somebody from school for tea.
The thing is I know that if he got out there and played with them he would love it.
as for clubs he will not hear of them, I suspect he is a bit shy with people he doesn,t know, and I did ask him if that was the reason and he just simply says that its because he does not want to go to these things and he doesn,t have to.
Should I just leave him be and let him play on his wii and watch telly all of the time.
I can,t even motivate him to go the library, swimming, etc.
Are only children like this and should I just leave him be and stop worrying about it.

[avenanap]

I'd take the fuse out of the Wii and get him outside. Are there some clubs he could join? fencing is good fun for boys. I think he doesn't know what he's missing.

[fedupandisolated]

Hi hellraiser,

I am Mum to an only child too. I think only children are used to their own space and come to appreciate that being on their own means they don't have to share!
It is hard - my DS is 5 and would likewise watch TV after school every single day if I let him (don't have a Wii yet so can't comment there). I don't let him on the laptop to play games as I find it stirs him up for bed.
If he's happy at school and there are no problems there then it might be worth relaxing a bit.
Have you considered having swimming as an activity you and he do together - just to get him out doing something different?
Also - let's face it - the Wii is great for exercise - at least he's not just sitting there.

[Anifrangapani]

Nah - we haven't got arouond to buying a Wii

[hellraiser]

Thats the thing I don,t think he realises what he is missing and I worry about what he is missing.
I think it does children good to play out and there was an occasion a while ago where he played with a couple of boys at his grandparents and he loved it.
He is so awkward like you wouldn,t believe and he shouts and screams whenever I try and motivate him for anything.
I will see children out in the street and say to him get your bike and go out and play with them you will love it, but no he won,t do it.
The thing as well is that he mithers his dad to death to play on the wii with him and together they sit there all night playing games.
My dp seems to think there is nothing wrong with it and that I am the one with the problem and he asks me why I am trying to force him to do things.

[morningpaper]

how old is he?

sorry but letting him hole up with computer games for hours every day is terrible for his general health and physical and mental wellbeing

If your DH can't see that then I think you need family therapy

Do your son a favour and restrict his gaming and telly to an hour or two a day and NO MORE

[WigWamBam]

My dd is an only child, and would quite happily sit all day with the TV and her Nintendo DS - if I would let her.

I don't let her. So she has to find something else to do. I'm in control of the TV remote, and I say when she can play with her DS - I'm the adult, I'm in charge.

If he won't be pro-active, you need to be. Get children round for tea. Enrol him in Scouts. Or Cadets. Or judo. Drag him along kicking and screaming if you have to; as you say, once he's there he will love it. Play board games with him. Get him out in the garden. Get him to read a book. He sounds as if he has gotten into the habit of being lazy, and it will take you putting a rocket up his backside to shift him off it.

You need to talk to your dh as well. He is colluding with your son in his laziness and isolation, and it's not doing your son any good at all.

[avenanap]

We have a neighbour and I look after her ds sometimes, he comes round and plays with my ds, sometimes they play on the Wii, sometimes they play Lego, sometimes chess. They have just started going to the park around the corner together. ds also goes fencing at the weekends and does clubs at school. It sounds like your ds loves spending time with his dad but there's a big world out there. Could you take him to watch a childrens sports team (football/rugby) and see what he thinks? It sounds like dp is a bit of a hermit too so you may have a battle on your hands. Dance classes are fun, ds used to do breakdancing.

[hellraiser]

I know WigWamBam but he is so difficult and to be honest I am finding him really hard to deal with at the moment.
I think I am going to let him watchtelly/play on the wii every other day and persevere with getting him to go outside and play with the children.
He really drags me down with his tantrums and as for my dp the pair of them make me feel as though its me.

[hellraiser]

He is 7 btw

[avenanap]

I'd cut the plugs off but this is a bit extreme. Does ds have trouble making friends? Is this why he's reluctant to try? Sometimes we all like to stick to things we know because we are afraid of trying something new.

[dinny]

put a child lock on the TV and chuck the wii away

he'll kick off at first but will come round soon, I bet

[BoysAreLikeDogs]

Okay.

Ration the Wii and telly.

No after-school activities at all? Get him enrolled into something, anything, where he can mix with other children.

I am concerned that you seem to be edged out by the males in your family .

Think about taking up a sport/hobby/activity just for you, too.

Good luck.

[Othersideofthechannel]

Fair enough if he doesn't feel like playing with other children after school. But every night sounds like a lot of screen time to me.

What are you doing when he is watching TV/playing on the Wii?

Could you do something manual in the same room as the TV that he may end up joining in on or even doing on his own? Eg start a big jigsaw puzzle (we always had one on the go in our house on a board on the table so it could be moved easily when we were eating).

[WigWamBam]

You're the parent, hellraiser. You need to take control back.

There's no harm in a bit of TV every day. But he needs to balance it. Maybe a bit of bargaining is called for; you can have one hour on the Wii if you go outside and play for an hour first.

[hellraiser]

He seems to make friends easily and is generally quite popular at school and does love having a mate back after school.
I do try and arrange this as much as possible but its not always possible and there is still too much time where he is on his own and sinks into the couch on his wii watching telly.
I do detect that he is afraid of clubs but he has never had a problem with going to school and has always loved his mates.

[morningpaper]

you need to turn it OFF

is his dad there all the time? could you turn it OFF until his dad comes home and then they can watch/play together?

[avenanap]

Hmm. Must be too many home comforts then. Can you go somewhere straight after school and not go home until the activity has finished? A bit of time away from people is nice but not all the time, it's not healthy.

[goingonajolly]

avenanap hijack- where does your ds go fencing? My friends ds wants to go. They live between derby and notts.

[avenanap]

Ohh, they have a club in Mickelover on a saturday morning. www.foiledagain.co.uk/equipment.php

The teachers are very good and very patient. They only have the gym during term time though so we have not been able to go since before the summer.

[goingonajolly]

Thanks, I'll let her know. Her ds is only just turned 7 but he has wanted to do it for ages. I'm sure he will still be interested next year.

[noonki]

get rid of Wii

telly only at w/e

sort out two nights a week activity (get a list of all local clubs and choose two- see if you can find a friend who wants to go with him)

try and befriend one of the kid's on the street's parents and get them round for tea, then out on the street together

get a friend or two back after school (maybe make it a regular thing)

Have a night a week where he chooses the food and does the cooking

choose a few things you like doing together jigaws/games/crafty stuff

get him a few projects on the go: building a rocket/writing a book/doing some gardening

goodluck- my DSS is in a similar situation adn I find it quite sad to see the amount of time he is on his computer now

[avenanap]

goingonajolly:
They only take them from 8 because it can be dangerous, something to do with their insurance.

[edam]

Maybe he's a bit shy about marching up to a bunch of kids playing out who he doesn't know that well? I mean, lots of adults would be nervous about barging into an established group. Perhaps, as someone said, you need to invite ONE boy who plays out round for tea - find out who the mothers are - so ds knows one of them and feels more confident about joining the group.

I have an only ds, too, and it does worry me that he's on his own too much. So I invite friends back from school at least twice a week, plus he does a music class with a group of kids on Saturdays, and I've managed to encourage a few children in our road to play out - lots of talking to their mothers and saying, do you think this would be a good idea?

[hellraiser]

Otherside I have suggested that us a a family maybe play some board games together go swimming, etc but because I have so many problems getting my ds and sometimes even my dp going on anything I gvie up and end up going off out shopping, or I go and visit a relativeor end up on the computer.
I am at loggerheads with both of them at times.