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if day 2 alone with a 2 week old and a 2 year old was an intolerable hell, am I doomed?

(29 Posts)
bohemianbint Tue 09-Sep-08 18:12:33

Seriously, it's been awful. Am worried 2wk old is ill with reflux, or thrush, or something, as seems in terrible pain when feeding.

2 year old driving me up the wall. I shouted at him horribly and feel like a massive shitbag. Baby wouldn't stop crying or be put down, so dealing with DS1 very difficult. Getting out of house with 1 in push chair and 1 in sling, into the incessant pissing rain was farcical.

Ended up in floods of tears, HV supposed to be coming tomorrow, and am taking ds2 to docs. Feel a crappy hideous failure. Will it get better? Or have I just signed myself up for years of abject misery that I am clearly not equipped to deal with?

Sorry for terrible typing, ds2 asleep on other arm.

Tell me it'll get better? And ds1 won't hate me for being a foul tempered cow?

chibi Tue 09-Sep-08 18:19:53

It will get better, ds1 will not hate you or even remember any of this, and someone who has more experience will be along shortly to give more practical help.

Congratulations on you new baby!

Tomorrow is meant to be sunny smile

bohemianbint Tue 09-Sep-08 18:29:11

Thanks chibi. smile

Reckon some sunshine might make all the difference...

MrsMattie Tue 09-Sep-08 18:30:50

2 weeks in - very early days. Pat yourself on the back for even contemplating getting out the door so soon and such shite weather!

saralou Tue 09-Sep-08 18:33:28

oh it does get better... i remember it taking at least an hour to leave the house to go to the shop for a pint of milk!

i remeber the first time i bathed them together, i vowed to never bath them again! we all sat and cried together after! (obviously they get bathed now!!)

you get more practice and experience, they get older and things get easier!

Amethyst86 Tue 09-Sep-08 18:43:47

This was me when dd was born and ds was 3. I never expected it to be so difficult with two. The shock going from one to two was totally unexpected. I thought because I had one child, number two would just slot right in, sadly not true.

I just carried dd in a sling constantly after the first couple of weeks. Just easier than getting stressed out that I couldnt put her down. DS watched an awful lot of CBeebies too.

Congratulations, it does get easier. Luckily I had an interfering MIL who used to disappear with ds for a day or two. He felt special for going on his own and I got time on my own with dd. It was great. Any family nearby who could help with ds?

bohemianbint Tue 09-Sep-08 18:58:25

Thank you, everyone!

And here was me thinking i wanted 4 kids. Ha!

hollyhobbie Tue 09-Sep-08 19:01:29

Hi, That 2 year age gap is tough (mine are also 2 years apart). You have my full sympathies.
Just accept that you will not be able to be perfect and rely on CBeebies and any other help you can find.
I had DD down to start nursery at about 2 and a half, but about 3 weeks after DS was born, I phoned up the nursery to see if they could take her early.

You won't want to hear this, but I found that whole 1st year hard. It was only after DS's 1st birthday that I felt I was emerging from a state of constant stress. On the plus side, they are now so close and play so nicely together. Keep reminding yourself that this is a playmate for your DS. He won't remember these tough first days.

Good luck!

missingtheaction Tue 09-Sep-08 19:03:16

the thing about four kids is when would you ever get the energy to concieve them? or the privacy? I marvel, i really do.

BB, you are perfectly normal. lower your standards. did you think children's tv was invented for children? no, it's for second time mums. Make good use of it.

LyraSilvertongue Tue 09-Sep-08 19:04:58

I've been exactly where you are. There are 22 months between my boys. It was hell at first but within a year it got easier and then it just kept getting easier and easier.
You will come through it, I promise.

LyraSilvertongue Tue 09-Sep-08 19:08:32

I also signed DS1 up to a private nursery two afternoons a week which helped enormously. Is this an option for you? It cost me about £50 a week but we're in London so nurseries are very expensive.

cookiemonstress Tue 09-Sep-08 21:19:24

It does get better. I have 20 months between mine and can relate to where you are. If I'm honest, the first 6 months wer a bit of blur but one day in the not too distant future you'll look back and realise how easy it has got in comparison to now. For me it was more of an adjustment to go from one to two than it was to go from none to one.

The thing that helped was to completely reduce my expectations of what we could achieve in a day. The fact is that some things that are easy with one child suddenly become more of a challenge with 2. My eldest was going through the terrible 2 big style and was very territorial so I found it easier to meet people at their house!

Don't feel bad about shouting, we're only human and you're probably getting no sleep and guarantee your 2 yr old won't remember it!

Be kind to yourself and as tempting as it is, try not to do everything..

Good luck!

sweetkitty Tue 09-Sep-08 21:23:28

I have a 4yo, a 2 1/2 yo and an 8wo and it's hard but I'm hoping like when I had 2 it will get better.

2 weeks is still so new I remember the sheer horror of getting outside with 2 of them I laugh at it now and so will you.

Cbeebies won't hurt neither will the odd shout at DS he won't remember.

peggotty Tue 09-Sep-08 21:27:08

Bohemianbint, I typed almost the exact same message on MN about 7 months ago when ds was born. My dd was older (nearly 3) but oh my god it was hell and I felt quite desperate for a time. I was absolutely foul to my dd. and she spent A LOT of time watching cbeebies. Ds was a very demanding young baby and still is to a certain extent but got easier. You have to accept that things will be difficult for a while, but eventually a semblance of normality and routine will develop. It's so so difficult making the adjustment to having 2. Be kind to yourself.

everlong Tue 09-Sep-08 21:29:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spudballoo Tue 09-Sep-08 21:30:49

Oh god I totally remember this feeling! I have 16mths between my two, and DS2 was a right little pickle as a baby. he would NOT NOT NOT be put down, he'd howl on a mat, a chair, car seat, pram etc. He basically lived in a sling day and night for 9 weeks, and then things improved a bit.

DS1 watched a lot of Cbeebies, and I shouted a lot. it was rough, but it did get better.

Looking back I think DS2 had reflux.

I agree that going from 1 to 2 is a terrible shock, especially when there is a small age gap and the first child is still a babay really.

Congratulations on your new baby x

snickersnack Tue 09-Sep-08 21:31:44

Intolerable hell would just about sum it up, as I remember. God it was awful. On many occasions, all 3 of us sat down and howled together, because it was just so unutterably hideously hard. I remember once, ds was doing the shrieky thing while feeding while dd (just over 2 at the time) stood in front of us pooing in her knickers while slowly tipping orange juice all over the floor while I slowly melted down.

You poor thing. But it gets so much better. Now a year later they are really quite civilised - and they play together so beautifully that in some (only some, mind you) respects it's easier than just having the one.

hotpotmama Tue 09-Sep-08 21:34:34

DS1 and DS2 were 18 months apart and I used to cry every morning for about 10 mins when my husband left for work in the first couple of months because I felt like I couldn't cpe and couldn't see it getting better but it did. Was very hard in the early days but now they are 5 and 4 and it is brilliant as they play so well together.

Now have DS3 and it is so much easier as have had a bigger gap this time but feel a bit sorry for him and think he needs a playmate!

Don't be hard on yourself, its early days.

TV was my saviour back then!

DisasterArea Tue 09-Sep-08 21:37:51

i could have written exactly that. the first day alone with 2 yr old and baby - i cried all day. and shouted at DD1 who pullde DD2 off the sofa and jumped on her.
thought i had to get them both adopted as was uch a failure.
10 years later. we are more or less still in one piece.
one day at a time. go out if its dry. lots of CBBC and ready meals. and breathe.

Psychobabble Tue 09-Sep-08 21:38:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabiesEverywhere Tue 09-Sep-08 21:39:56

I am ashamed to admit that I haven't dare go out on my own with my 2 year old DD and one month old DS !!!

So my poor toddler, is doing lots of playing on her own in the garden and watching too much Cbeebies...sadly 'C bee bee' is her newist word along with 'Tee Ava' ie.TV.

In my defence I am waiting until I am OK to drive again and then I will tackle the outside world with both children in tow.

It will get better

ChacunaSonGout Tue 09-Sep-08 21:50:05

i yanked ds4 in the street the other day as he was pddying and dp had taken double buggy and i had to pick ds3 up from school and my baby is 8 weeks sad


i can honestly say it DOES get easier EVERY day

dont be afraid to leave the baby to cry a bit when you feel hyper stressed - its not going to harm him and if it gives you 5 mins breather then it is worth it

did you call baby a wild name btw?

I sympathise and agree it is early days.
My ds is 2 weeks old and my dd is 18 months.
I am slowly getting a routine going, but the real test will be when dh goes back to work.
As he is a domestic goddess grin

My main problem is the guilt I feel for dd, as she has had my attention and now its shared.
Overall she doing well,but when tired it gets difficult, just took me 2 hours to get her to sleep when she normally settles straight away around 7ish.

Then I feel guily leaving baby to cry, while I see to dd.

Its reassuring to here you all say it gets easier.

scouserabroad Tue 09-Sep-08 22:19:10

The only important things are that you're all fed and clean, anything else you manage to do is a bonus. You'll find coping strategies and gradually the easy days start to outnumber the intolerable hell days

The first time I was alone with the two DDs, DD1 was sick all over the sofa, DD2 got newborn runny poo everywhere and they both screamed the house down while I was cleaning up!

Slightly off - topic but this makes me feel all mushy DD1 (2.3) and DD2 (11 months) go to nursery a few mornings a week, and if DD2 cries while they are there, DD1 leaves what she is doing to go over and give her a kiss, hand her a toy and says "Poor baby" or something. When their keyworker told me about that I nearly cried myself because it made all the endless nappies and whining and crying seem worth it

snickersnack Tue 09-Sep-08 22:25:56

Scouserabroad: In the early days I'd have settled for fed alone. Clean was asking way too much...

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