Any SAHM's who enrolled their lo into preschool..? Talk to me please..

[shhhh]

Im NOT wanting to start a debate SAHM v's WM.

Im a sahm and have been since having dd over 3 years ago, I have since had ds (18 months) and this week I enrolled dd into preschool.

Reasons, to allow her more opportunity to be in an environment away from home to prepare her for school....
She is/will do 2 days a week and I decided on the time 9.30am - 3pm

I know its for her best interests but I can't help but feel bad .
I miss her although the time allows me to have more alone time with ds and also to do things that are easier with one than 2 iykwim.

I just feel bad, its not as though Im "working" so have to place her there and although im not as upset when I leave her I still constantly think about her and feel awful when I know she has been upset various time during the day (nothing major, standard tears...I want the toilet but won't go etc..)

I just wanted advice from others who are also not working and have/are doing the same...
I guess things will get easier...

[Seona1973]

my dd went to nursery (for the 5 free weekly sessions) from the age of 3 and I dont work. That works out about the same hours your lo will be in but over 2 days instead of 5.

[Washersaurus]

I am a SAHM at the mo and I send DS1 (3yo) to preschool 2 days each week - he loves it now he has settled in (and the older boys have gone off to big school). He has always attended nusery for 1.5/2 days each week from around 9 mo though as I was going to return to work.

[Elibean]

SAHM here, and dd1 went to pre-school from just under age 3, initially for 3 mornings per week. She loved it, made friends she wouldn't have made otherwise (though she also had friends from my antenatal groups etc, she got to choose her own for the first time - including her BF), and had her own world which she could take pride in, show us, tell us about etc.

I wouldnt have had her miss it for the world, though I felt the same as you at the start. Also agree its nice for dc2 to have time for themselves - dd1 is now about to start Reception (far easier thanks to pre-school) and have a feeling dd2 will blossom as a result

Its tough when they start though, give yourself a hug/bar of chocolate/other treat and enjoy the weekend...

[sfxmum]

also sahm dd 3 last June and just started pre school 2 mornings a week, she absolutely loves it and we will probably increase the number of mornings come January

I don't have other children at present and I miss her terribly but also enjoy the break

I think it depends on the child, she seemed ready and it was painless
after all she will be in Reception next year and it will be everyday so we though it best to start gradually

[shhhh]

eilbean, don't know why but your post made me cry . BUT in a nice way ...Think maybe the point about them having their own world . Lovely way to describe it..

I called the nursery earlier and they said a little girl has been with dd and going to the toilet together etc although dd seems to very much want to play alone etc..I guess normal behaviour from a lo who hasn't done nursery before..??
I just don't want dd to be alone and without friends as I guess its now their time to make friends etc. Guess I want to ensure people want to be her friend and she is popular or at least "wanted" outside the home.

Seona, yeah seems its the same amount of time although we have to pay for a full day and meals (from 7.30am -6.30 am) although dd only has lunch there..my choice I know. Just seems mad that im paying for it when I don't need it iykiwm...
I did want half days for dd for 2 sessions to build up but this local nursery would only do days...guess it will work out for the best.
Also im confident about this nursery as its linked to the owners home and is very "homely". Home from home which I hope benifits dd.. Lots of lo's on this development go there so I know its recommended...
Thanks for the posts btw, surprise at the quick response. x

[NoblesseOblige]

mine went to pre-school when they were old enough (3ish) - although i am mostly a SAHM i saw it as what it is called - PRE-school - preparing them for school.

and yes it was horrible leaving them, but they loved it. far more fun than boring old mummy

[shhhh]

sfxmum, yeah our reasons as well...didn't want it be be any harder come a years time...

we also think it may benifit ds if he starts next july while dd is still there so he has a friend iykiwm...
I also think that will then allow me a breather before/if we have baby 3 !

[Wheelybug]

I ama SAHM and dd started at 2.7. She went for 3 mornings (9-1) for the first year and has just started 5 mornings for this year which was her own choice as she loves it. Although we did lots of things I thought it would help her as she had been at home for 2.5 years. I also didn't have a younger one despite best intentions so I currently have 5 mornings all to myself (although all being well that is due to change in a few months time). Not quite sure how I'm going to fill them but am fairly sure I will . As long as your dd is happy then I think you are doing the right thing.

FWIW, most of the mothers at dd's nursery are SAHMs.

[sfxmum]

my dd adapted with indecent haste and barely a backward glance I see it as being a well adjusted child

she told me yesterday she had been sad and sat sucking a thumb and someone kept he company and made her feel better - all of that is good imo

btw good luck with number 3

[Ripeberry]

Don't worry, every SAHM i know puts their children in pre-school. It's only for 3hrs a day!

[shhhh]

yeah, she seems fine with going...did say yesterday she didn't like the lo's there so didn't want to go and told me the lady wouldn't let her on the slide which was like red rag to a bull with me till dh rationally said, maybe she isn't telling you the whole story and there was a reason why she couldn't go on it and maybe was allowed on eventually ...BUT I was initially like "how could someone not let my pfb go on the slide" .

I hate it when she says "I was crying mummy, because I wanted a wee" but guess she will get better...

Good luck with trying wheelybug .

Thanks sfx

[Wheelybug]

Thanks Shhh (whispers, actually I'm 13 weeks.... )

[nowwearefour]

why does it matter if you are a sahm or not? my dd1 goes to pre schoool from 2.5 which is the done thing in my area. it went v v well. she loves it. she has not been in any type of day care previously and it was a big thing for her too. i work 2 days a week but she i slooked after in her own home with only her little sister so not siure whether being a sahm is relevant to how much of a big deal it is when they go to preschool for the first time?

[charitygirl]

Pre-school is not daycare! It's an excellent way of getting ready for school, having fun, and learning things!

Don't feel bad - and she will learn to go the loo in unfamiliar environments, which is a bonus!

[shhhh]

nowwearefour, the reason why I asked sahm's is because I guessed that if there were sending lo's to preschool it would have been their 1st time apart in 3 ish years iykiwm where as if they were wm I just guessed that not all wm would wait till 3 yrs then start work...obvioulsy I know each circumstance is different but though it would be easier to narrow down.

Like I said, im not after an argument just wanted advice from others in the SAME situation as me. .

Congrats wheelybug . Keep your feet up x

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

Hi Shh - i have a 4yo ds a 2 yo dd and one due in 6 weeks. I am a sahm and did send ds to pre-school from 3 initially a couple of sesions a week and then for 2 full days and a half day (5 sessions) a week. This worked out very well as I had time with dd and ds loved going to pre-school. I was also aware that as a August baby ds would be starting school when only just 4 and I wanted him to feel comfortable in the setting.

Ds has started school this week and I know that the time at nursery has prepared him for school in a way I could not. He also has a couple of friends there already from his pre-school which helps avoid fear and tears.

I felt strange about sending my baby off to pre-school but not guilty as he enjoyed it so much. You have to find a setting you are happy with - I liked the place we chose as the staff were older (not bored teens).

[sitdownpleasegeorge]

ooh congratulations Wheelybug (I think it was you that I sold a persona gadget to which then unfortunately didn't travel well so we ended up in a refund situation )

I had a different posting name then.

I'm so pleased you got a bfp eventually, must have got the timing right without assistance.

Anyway, back to the OP.

Pre-school seems to agree with most children of pre-school age and ds still sometimes plays with his pre-school friends even though he has just started year 1 and despite the fact that they all attend different primary schools. They did loads of creative stuff/dressing up and playing with bits of learning mixed in which helps lots when they eventually start school. Teachers would find life a lot harder in reception if the majority of children had not been to pre-school unless all parents had lots of time to devote to their pfbs and lets face it most of us have another baby before the pfb starts school. Pre-school will be invaluable for getting children to sit fairly quietly together in a circle and listen to a nursery nurse/teacher telling a story or talking and about seasons or whatever, it is good preparation for a reception class environment.

Charity girl's comment that sending your child to pre-school is not the same as using childcare whilst you work/clean hits the nail right on the head. The main beneficiary of the pre-school time should be the child and if this is not the case, look around for a better pre-school.

I also think that your second child will also then get some one-to-one time with you which your first born did and they may love this too, even if it is helping you dust or clean the bathroom.

It seems a win-win-win situation for you, ds and dd so how can you not do it ?

[Elibean]

Shhhh, I got told that dd was very much into playing on her own for the first term or two...she joined in, IYSWIM, but was perfectly happy playing on own as well and didn't seek out another kid to play with.

MNers reassured me, I even posted about it!

Trust me, she's now firmly attached to several best friends, is not one to be left out nor leave others out, and, lucky her, is still able to enjoy her own company. I think its probably fairly normal for first borns in particular to get used to an environment/toys first then start taking an interest in the other children. As long as your dd is ok with the teachers, she'll be fine - all sounds totally par for the course so far

ps sorry I made you cry, but glad too if it was in an ok way....I guess our LOs setting out into having their own worlds is wonderful and painful at the same time...

[Wheelybug]

ooh hello Sitdownpleasegeorge.... I got the timing right with the help of clomid in the end .

(sorry for hijax Shhh)

[bonkerz]

Im a SAHM and dont have any younger children and my DD (2) started play school on tuesday, she is doing 3 mornings a week till Jan and will then do 5 mornings. I dont feel guilty, My DD needs that time away from me and also needs the stimulation provided by the setting. I still dont know what on earth im going to do with the extra free time though!!!

[weepootle]

My dd went for 3 sessions initially when she turned 3 but straight away she was asking why she couldn't go on the other days. I increased her sessions to 6 per week and she'd still go for longer if she could. I don't get the guilt thing - I just make the most of my time with cleaning, cooking, shopping and coffees with friends and I don't even have any other dc to look after. Just enjoy it .

[shhhh]

aww thanks everyone...
Eilbean,think that was my concern mostly..that dd would end up alone iykiwm..BUT it seems you had the same concerns and your dd is proof that things turned around..It does seem right compared to dd as she to will happily play alone, at times needs company BUT seems at nursery she is content to watch from afar. I guess she likes the ladies there as she was talking about one in particular today and like you bigmouth I guess dh & I feel more confident as the staff are older women..our original choice was scrapped because of that very reason. Just felt dd would be more at home.

Great tips everyone. Thanks .

[AccidentalMum]

DD1 (2.11) starts Monday and I am so teary about it. Am sure she will love it though but I will miss her so much! They get her in the morning too, when she is freshest and most fun.

[frankiesbestfriend]

I don't work and dd went to nursery for 4 mornings a week in the year before she went to school, I just wanted her to be prepared I suppose.

We had recently moved and could only get her a place at a private nursery too, so I felt even worse as dh had to pay for it.

Glad we did it now, she was a little clingy and I think she would have found a full day at school very hard without it. Also it's good to get into an 'up and out' morning routine before they start school imo.

I also sent her to dancing summer school for a week in the holidays although I wasn't working although she did really want to go.

[ronshar]

Sorry Shhhh but I really really have to say this.

Wheelybug. YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
I am so bloody happy for you and DH. I am having a quiet cry for you. Wait till I tell everyone. Why have you not joined us on Knickercheckers????

Shhhh. Back to your post. I have put both DDs in nursery. I do not have a large circle of friends with children so I wanted them to socialise with other children their own age. Both DDs have legged it through the door each morning with hardly a backwards glance. Which does make me , but I would rather that than clinging to my legs.

Ps all children tell half truths but do check with nursery staff if you want to find out the real story.