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Oh god, just really yelled at ds, why do I do this?

(29 Posts)
snafu Mon 21-Feb-05 10:35:56

Why am I so crap at this parenting thing?

I was just trying to put ds down for a nap. He was rubbing his eyes and yawning but just would not settle. Every time I put him down, he got up again, crying, wriggling around, trying to get out of the cot. It just went on and on. And in the end I really lost my rag, put him down in the cot, yelled something horrible at him and kicked the bloody chest of drawers, fgs. Of course, he screamed blue murder - and then went straight off to sleep

I am so bloody stressed the whole time and I'm taking it out on him. I am so ashamed of myself. Why can't I just keep calm? I don't seem able to keep calm at anything these days - the slightest thing sets me off. Aaaaaargh. He's so precious but I just feel like I'm getting it so wrong.

snafu Mon 21-Feb-05 10:58:26

no-one? am now a bit concerned, after reading reactions to hmc's thread, tbh...

stickynote Mon 21-Feb-05 10:59:26

oh snafu . The stupid thing is, everyone knows that life goes much more swimmingly if you don't shout, but in the heat of the moment, most parents will lose it (and then feel just like you're feeling). I wish I could offer something more than sympathy - the only thing that's helped me is to walk away a lot and be very aware of my behaviour (sounds odd but my shouting had become so ingrained, I didn't even realise I was doing it half the time - plus my kids just tuned me out).

How old is ds? My dd2 always cries when I put her down (she's nearly two) but I'm afraid I just say "see you in a little while" in a calm, serene voice, shut the door, come downstairs and make a cup of coffee. The longest she's yelled before falling asleep is 4.5 minutes - most of the time it's less than 1 minute.

misdee Mon 21-Feb-05 10:59:36

go get a nap whilst he is sleeping. or at least rest.

stickynote Mon 21-Feb-05 10:59:58

Am just a very slow typist

snafu Mon 21-Feb-05 11:01:14

my stupid bloody mother has just gone in and woken him up ffs.

misdee Mon 21-Feb-05 11:01:50

well tell her she can look after him whilst u go and chill out.

stickynote Mon 21-Feb-05 11:03:51

Deep breathing...then deck her.

SPARKLER1 Mon 21-Feb-05 11:04:18

Definitely time out is usually a real big help. Even if it's only 10 mins. Why did you mother interfere? Does she live with you?

cat82 Mon 21-Feb-05 11:06:52

snafu- wow, not sure if you've ready the thread i started in the feeling low section, but honestly we could be the same person. I'm afraid i don't have much advice, as i am desperatly trying to stay much, much calmer than i do also, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

snafu Mon 21-Feb-05 11:07:10

yes, we live together. she has chronic depression and i am here to try and 'look after' her hahahaha after xh and i split.. sorry about crap typing grumpy ds on lap...

Frizbe Mon 21-Feb-05 11:07:54

my dd always cries when she's going to sleep during the day as well! always has, odd how some do and some don't isnt it. {{HUGS}} to you tho, I don't think your depressed, we all just need a break every now and again, or someone to rant at....(like your mother, by the looks of it!)

JoolsToo Mon 21-Feb-05 11:08:25

cos you're human.

snafu Mon 21-Feb-05 11:08:51

frizbe i rant at my mother all day as it is... it is v difficult situation.

marthamoo Mon 21-Feb-05 11:09:54

snafu, I'm a shouter too. And I'm on anti-d's and still shout (though less so, it has to be said). You're not a crap Mum - it's bloody hard work, kids push us to the absolute limit and it is very hard to keep calm. You will have heard it before but when you feel like that, make sure he is safe, and walk out. Take 5 minutes to calm down. I used to shut myself in the kitchen and put the oven gloves over my ears so I couldn't hear ds1 yelling. If he won't nap (why don't they know what's good for them ?) put him in his buggy and go out for a walk - he'll probably go to sleep more easily in his buggy.

Losing your rag doesn't make you a bad Mum (and you don't have a partner around to shoulder some of the work) so try not to be so hard on yourself. I shook ds1 once when he wouldn't sleep - and I threw him on the bed another time. At least you only kicked the drawers. It's still hard for me to admit I did those things. I did have PND - do you think it might be that? If it is all becoming too much and the bad days are outweighing the good then I would get yourself to the GP sharpish. I've just said pretty much the same on hmc's thread and I don't want to sound like I'm diagnosing PND at every turn but it is so common, and so many Mums struggle on without admitting they need help.

marthamoo Mon 21-Feb-05 11:11:17

And I'd forgotten about your Mum - you have a hell of a lot on your plate.

JoolsToo Mon 21-Feb-05 11:11:55

I can tell you what worked for me - Yoga!

I started going regularly when kids were about 5, 7 and 9 - after a long while (I'll admit) I realised that I was a lot calmer and didn't shout as much!

snafu Mon 21-Feb-05 11:14:25

lol jools, my dad keeps telling me to get to a class - I used to and must admit it doesn help. Oh, I know I have to start looking after my mental health a bit more but where do you fit it all in? Am just afraid that all this stress is impacting on ds.

snafu Mon 21-Feb-05 11:14:45

should read 'does help'

stickynote Mon 21-Feb-05 11:16:09

That's interesting JT - have been thinking about yoga or pilates for a while. I would do anything to become a calmer, less shouty person.

JoolsToo Mon 21-Feb-05 11:16:41

you could do a bit of alternate nostril breathing anywhere, anytime - might get a few strange looks tho

snafu Mon 21-Feb-05 11:16:55

Thank you everyone, btw. I am in a bit of a crappy situation at the mo, but it does me good just to have a bit of a rant now and then xx

Am going to take ds out to tumbletots now and have some time just me and him...

Frizbe Mon 21-Feb-05 11:18:04

snafu do you get chance to get time to yourself? I don't know your story, how old your ds is or anything, but I do agree with Jool's post about trying to get out and do something, although realise this is not always easy, as getting babies looked after is not easy....

WestCountryLass Mon 21-Feb-05 20:52:28

I am not saying that shouting and kicking furniture is acceptable but I have lost the plot a few times (my DS is nearly 3.5 and I have a 7m DD) but sometimes frustration gets the better of you and we all do and say things we wouldn't under normal circumstances.

My DS is getting older now and if I am feeling particularly tired I tell him and I tell him I will get annoyed if he is naughty or keeps on at me and he does understand that on that day its not a good idea to press any buttons as I will go up like a can of pop.

Personally I think learning your parents are human and may have bad days and they can go off on one but they will always go back to being the Mummy or Daddy they know and love is a good lesson to learn.

Of course if you are flipping out about everything it might be more serious but if it was a one off I would try not to worry.

WestCountryLass Mon 21-Feb-05 20:53:32

PS. I do talk through why I shouted after the event and will say sorry and explain how I could have handled tings differently btw.

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