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Am I absolutely potty to want a 4th? Aged 42?

(13 Posts)
cheerfulness Wed 03-Sep-08 20:50:32

Hi there, I have 3 lovely children b5 g4 b2 and can not stop wanting another little one. What can I do? My dh says that it will be really a bad idea because of my age and that he misses my attention and thinks it will make thnings too difficult. Shall I go for it? Or leave it? but how, I just cant stop thinking about another - all the time!Every time I look at the 3 lovelys I think I would love another, dh thinks I should be grateful fro what I have!

Janni Wed 03-Sep-08 20:56:44

Your existing children are so young that you are still mixing in the baby/toddler world.

Do you want to parent four teenagers, or do you just want another baby?

Is it tempting to have another one precisely so that you can avoid thinking about working again, or being lovey dovey with your DH again?

Are you prepared to risk birth defects, due to your age? (I am 43,BTW so please do not take offence at this question)

Financially, would it be easy for you to raise a fourth child? Do you have space? resources?

How strongly does your DH feel about not having another? Would you be left to do the hard graft because it was you who wanted a fourth?

These are the hard questions you need to ask yourself. The answers you come up with will help you decide. Good luck x

sleepycat Wed 03-Sep-08 20:59:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catweazle Wed 03-Sep-08 21:07:43

Well I had a 5th at 43 grin

n5rje Wed 03-Sep-08 21:23:20

Not potty at all I've just had my 4th at 43 although my other 3 are a bit older than yours and I have found it a bit hard to get used to prams and baby car seats again just as the others were able to get themselves in and out of the car with no help. DS4 is a very laid back chap and really hasn't (so far anyway) been much extra work. Janni's point about birth defects is a good one but I'm sure you would be offered all the tests if you wanted them. I think the question is which would you regret more - having a fourth or not having one.

cheerfulness Wed 03-Sep-08 21:37:49

Thank you all, I think I would/will always regret not having a fourth. I do nearly all of the hard graft now, so that owuld nt change. My only concern is being a parent to 4 teens when I am 55-60 odd, but then if there are 3 will 4 be any different?
Catw - 5! not bad, exhausting at times?
n5-what made you go for no 4? the same want for another, or all boys or girls - if you dont mind me asking.x

cheesychips Wed 03-Sep-08 21:42:42

Mine are 5yrs almost 4yrs and 7 months and I am yearning for another in a desperate way.

My dh really doesn't want another, and I know that he only agreed to dc3 for me (although of course he adores him)

I am 38 - he is mid 40s. I think I have to accept his pov this time and concentrate on enjoying the tribe we have but if he weakened one dark night........

juuule Wed 03-Sep-08 21:45:18

I had 9th at almost 44.

snookie28 Wed 03-Sep-08 21:59:35

interesting how you speak about "I" rather than "we" - e.g. "shall I go for it" and "being a parent to 4 teens when I am 55-60 odd". Surely your dh needs to be involved in the decision and the subsequent parenting?

cheerfulness Wed 03-Sep-08 22:14:01

juuule, goodness me, did I read that right 9th! Amazing.
snookie - not looked at it like that, but guess you are right, hubbie is 2 yrs younger, but as mentioned spends most of his time at wk or out, but are both hoping that this will ease off and he will then be at home more!! to help out rather than watch tv!!

Janni Thu 04-Sep-08 11:15:56

I think if you've thought it through and come to the conclusion that you would really regret not having a fourth, then that's what you will do. smile

Good luck!

n5rje Thu 04-Sep-08 11:21:22

I can't really give a reason for wanting a fourth I just felt that I hadn't finished iykwim I didn't want a girl so it wasn't anything to do with having 3 DSs - I just like children. I had kept all the baby things just in case but now that DS4 is 6mths I am finding it no problem to get rid of the smaller size clothes etc I know that I don't need to keep them just in case. Like you I do all the work with the DSs and I'm not finding it too much although I go back to work soon (p/time) so its bound to get a bit more hectic. I hope you can reach a decision - for me it wasa case of better to have tried and been unsucessful than not to have tried because, as I'm sure you know, the odds are stacked against us over 40s

Thankyouandgoodnight Thu 04-Sep-08 20:10:44

I know someone who had her 4th at 49....MUCH older than you!! Her 'reasons' were the same and she's absolutely loving it and her DD is now 2....

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