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I wish I could leave the room when I'm about to yell at the kids, but they just FOLLOW ME!

(12 Posts)
franch Tue 02-Sep-08 21:13:27

I'm sitting here full of guilt for the horrible earbashing I gave DD1 (4.5y) at teatime - am hormonal, stressed and tired, and am sick to death of her negativity (and her aggression, but that wasn't the trigger today). As she's always demanding outings, I took her to the Science Museum & Nat Hist Museum with her favourite friend - spent all day there, totally exhausting - then she got to watch her beloved TV when we got home - and after that all she can do is say actually what she really likes is 'making things' (rather than days out), and she didn't get to watch Lazytown (which wasn't on), and she doesn't like mushrooms (in her shepherd's pie). She really is incredibly hard to please - if she stays in she wants to go out, but after most days out she describes them as boring or whatever - even if to my eyes she seemed to be having a ball at the time, there's always some little imperfection for her to dwell on afterwards. She even burst into tears yesterday when I ordered one of her very favourite foods in a cafe without consulting her (she'd disappeared off to play), and refused to eat it.

Anyway I ended up giving her a VERY LOUD and angry lecture about spoilt children etc - unusually, there were tears in her eyes and I now feel terrible about it as it really wasn't age-appropriate. She's starting school on Thu and is probably more anxious about that than she shows, which may be why she's been generally rather obnoxious today. But I was TOTALLY FURIOUS. What's frustrating me is that I keep trying to use the 'walk away' option in order to calm down (I don't do time out and in this case it wouldn't have really been appropriate anyway), but either or both DDs always end up following me! The only rooms I can lock myself into are the upstairs toilets, and I don't find them easy rooms to calm down in - especially with two children practically battering down the door from the outside.

More than anything I just needed to share that - I've felt like a reasonable mum for most of the holidays but now am back to feeling like a horrible one.

franch Tue 02-Sep-08 21:43:50

Oh go on, someone at least say 'oh dear' or 'there there'

Seuss Tue 02-Sep-08 22:18:22

Me too! It's so hard, I can't even lock the toilet door because we had to take the bolt off due to pesky rascals locking themselves in. I had a bit of a scream-fest earlier too - it does make you feel awful doesn't it.sad

Seuss Tue 02-Sep-08 22:19:41

Still, tomorrow is another day!(or some such cheesyness)Good luck for tomorrow!

lollystar Tue 02-Sep-08 22:20:56

I kind of know that feeling. Mine is 4 this month and I swear she gets hormonal. One minute she's nice as pie, the next she's really rude and obnoxious.
I've found stickers are a really good way of coping with it. She's obsessed with them and get stickers for being kind and not being rude. She also gets to watch them being removed if she's naughty. It's starting to work, she very quickly says sorry if we threaten to remove them.
Stay strong! wink

franch Tue 02-Sep-08 23:18:14

Thanks lolly - and I'm so glad to hear you did it too Seuss (sorry!). Good luck to you too

bran Tue 02-Sep-08 23:42:30

Which way do your doors open franch? If your bedroom door opens inwards then a cheap rubber door wedge would stop it from being pushed open. At least you could lie comfortably on the bed, perhaps with headphones on, while they are battering on the door.

She's probably a bit young to understand still, but have you tried explaining the nothing is ever completely perfect, if you enjoy yourself even half the time you're doing well. I didn't really understand this when I was young. I was always vaguely dissatisfied until I was a teenager and I thought that other kids were happier than me because they had better lives/holidays/siblings/presents than me when in fact they were just more positive by nature.

bran Tue 02-Sep-08 23:50:13

Something that my mum used to use on me was a sort of competitive positivity. I find I do it a lot with DS too, although he's naturally quite positive anyway. So I list my favourite 3 things I did in the day, and he lists his favourite, and then the best 3 things I saw, the best 3 things I heard etc. It's a little bit Pollyanna-ish and forced but if you can make the ending of a negative into positive that works well. For instance if she was really hungry at lunch time and had to wait you could say "being so hungry made that chicken sandwich taste like one of the best I'd ever had" or "the rain was a bit miserable but it felt so wonderful when the sun came out again and everything sparkled with raindrops".

zookeeper Tue 02-Sep-08 23:51:00

You sound normal to me - yesterday I got so dsperate with my three I piled them into the car drove to dartmoor ,did an emergency stop at the fist steep hill I saw and told them that if they ran to the top of it and ran back I would buy them an ice cream.

I sat and read the paper for twenty blissful minutes waving from the car.

If I couldn't get out of the house I would explode sometimes

SmugColditz Tue 02-Sep-08 23:53:39

LOUD classical music.

When mine are winding me up, nagging, whining, shouting banging, I put LOUD music on. It drowns out the majority.

You can't stop her complaining, it's true. But you DON'T have to listen to itl

franch Wed 03-Sep-08 08:58:35

Oh you're a lovely lot. Thanks for all this - it all makes sense

saramoon Wed 03-Sep-08 20:34:39

Made me laugh when you said about your dds following you around. Mine are 2 and a half and nearly 4 and always do that. Getting ready for work I give them breakfast, get them dressed and then we put on Cbeebies so i can get ready. No sooner am i upstairs in the bathroom, one of them is usually following me up there. Sometimes i just want to scream, just give me 2 minutes on my own!!!!!

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