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DS 2.10 doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything; I'm going insane.

(21 Posts)
mrsgboring Tue 02-Sep-08 09:28:51

DS has never been a particularly physical or active child, but lately it's got even worse. He screams blue murder at the thought of going to a playpark (but enjoys it when I drag him there), generally refuses to go swimming (but again usually likes it when we get in - not always though!)

We have always done at least one organised activity a day; he's used to that, but I think it's been the summer break that's thrown us, as we're doing lots of random different activities. He's very enthusiastic to do things tomorrow but today he always wants to do "not anything" and go "not anywhere"

Is this a phase? Will he grow out of it? Please God! I am in very early stages of pregnancy and already feeling utterly disgusting. I can't cope with a toddler whose idea of a day is hanging about in our house, obsessively lego-ing, in between regular demands for telly and sugar (this is new too - he was never that keen on telly till now). Then he gets utterly bored mid afternoon but screams blue murder when I try to drag him off anywhere (except Waitrose which he adores, but there's only so many times you can go there in a week.)

Our house is full of lovely toys, massive amounts of art and craft equipment etc. But he only wants to cook (which means wait till mummy has 3lbs of bread flour in a bowl, then throw it all over the kitchen and get bored)

I am tearing my hair out trying to be a good mummy and not raise a little couch potato. I'm a SAHM so it's all up to me at the minute (he starts nursery in Jan)

Sorry, this is very rambly. Any words of wisdom?

moondog Tue 02-Sep-08 09:39:37

Toooo much choice!

You decide and just take him/

Swimming excellent. Relaxing for you and tires little sods out.

MamaG Tue 02-Sep-08 09:41:41

I agree - don't ask him whether he wants to do something, just busily get ready, say come on we're going out now and then just turn up at swimming/park etc. He's too young to dictate to you where he goes.

ConnorTraceptive Tue 02-Sep-08 09:42:51

DS1 is 3 and if you ask if he wants to do something the answer is always "no" or if you say do you want a snack and offer him choices he never wants what's on offer, so I don't ask him. I just say "right we're going to the park" or I just place his snack in front of him and he's fine with that.

mindscape Tue 02-Sep-08 09:46:19

Hi
Try not to worry he is still very young and he is obviously quite happy within his home life which is good.
When you go to waitrose does he get a treat every time, children even at that age can be very crafty and only go somewhere where they think they will get something.
Just a thought.
I am having this problem with my ds who is 7 I find it really difficult to motivate him to go for a walk, to the park, just simple things and it drives me mad as he would prefer to sit and watch telly.
I can understand your frustration.
I think that perhaps at your ds's age that maybe you should try and relax about it and if he is happy doing things at home then let it be.
He is going to nursery in January which is good he will enjoy it and it will get him out the house.

MatBackFack Tue 02-Sep-08 09:54:01

I think at that age really you have to dictate - just put him in the car and go. It is probably just a habit he has got into. The telly thing is normal I'm afraid - again you have to control it, not let him dicate (easier said than done I know!)

malloo Tue 02-Sep-08 10:05:34

my ds is a bit like this, and also has never been big on physical activity. if I ask him if he wants to do something , the answer is often no so I don't ask him, I just tell him we're going and he usually likes it. or give him a choice of two but be clear that he's going to have to do one of them.

dotty2 Tue 02-Sep-08 10:36:18

DD1 went through a stage very like that when she was that age. She is now 3.4, and it is definitely a bit better - though still often says she wants to stay at home if given a choice. So I agree - present it more as "this is what we are doing". Something else I thought might be worth mentioning is that, in retrospect, I think it was related to potty training. Have you recently potty trained? DD1 was trained very easily indeed at 2.8 but for several months afterwards (and I can see it more clearly in retrospect) she got very anxious about doing a poo and was very resistant to going out if she thought she might need to do one. Would always deny that was the reason if asked, though!

mrsgboring Tue 02-Sep-08 10:48:12

Hi all

I do dictate, it's how we ever go anywhere at the moment, but he does scream blue murder. I feel utterly embarrassed to have a child yelling "No NOT playpark, stop saying PLAYPARK!!!" as I wheel his tricycle to parkwards making encouraging noises.

I stopped doing one organised activity altogether, because all he did was sit on the sidelines eating his packed lunch. Could not be convinced to enjoy any of hte play equipment or running around space. It was a dead waste of money. Similarly disheartening having him beg to get out of the swimming pool after five minutes, after all the faff of getting changed. I still do persevere though, and sometimes he likes it. <Sigh.>

Mindscape, he does get fed at Waitrose,but it's nothing he wouldn't get at home (bread, cheese or fruit). I think it's actually the trolley ride - he's too bone idle to walk!

Anyway, it's heartening to know that other folks' kids are the same. I just thought kids were supposed to enjoy and look forward to at least some activities. He used to ask to paint, go places etc. and I tried to accommodate his interests. Now he doesn't have any except the fecking Tweenies.

mrsgboring Tue 02-Sep-08 10:50:02

Dotty, that is very interesting. We have had several tentative, gentle tries at potty training but it's mostly been a disaster. You may have a point there about the pooing thing though, because he never likes to do it when he's out and I had been wondering if that was part of his general reluctance at the moment.

dotty2 Tue 02-Sep-08 11:05:18

Hmm - well maybe there is something in the pooing thing. I think it's also just an age where there are lots of anxieties, and home feels safer - for some children, obviously not for all. I completely sympathise, though - it's so wearing. It's also got a bit easier for us recently because there are more things that DD1 will play with for at least a bit - boardgames, jigsaws etc. But at 2.10 she didn't have the patience or dexterity for those kind of things. So try to believe it will improve.

DD1 also likes cooking and would often lose patience before the end when she was younger, so I often used to do a bit of the preparation while she was asleep or watching TV. So would make the bread dough and let her shape it into rolls, or make the biscuit mixture and let her roll and cut, etc.

And if you're pregnant and feeling rubbish, go easy on yourself re. the TV. DD2 arrived when DD1 was 2.2 and she had loads and loads of TV when I was pg and knackered and permanently bf-ing in the early days. Have gradually weaned her off it now, though.

Gateau Tue 02-Sep-08 11:15:18

I would agre with sme of the other posters - take him where YOU wnat him to go, whether he likes it or not. He's soomn get used to it. Otherwise he'll rule the roost.
If it makes you feel any better, it's no bad thing that he likes being in the house and playing. My DS doesn't play much on his own and just wants to be out, out, out!!

Othersideofthechannel Tue 02-Sep-08 11:25:36

Some people are homebods. DH and DS are both very much so.
DH would happily play lego and draw all day as a child (I am told) and DS is the same.
Only what he wants is not what he needs. He is 5 and he goes berserk at the end of the day if we stay in all day. We have to make sure he gets out or that we play musical bumps or something to work of some energy.

mrsgboring Tue 02-Sep-08 12:20:10

Thanks again dotty. I used to prep painting or cooking activities when DS slept but he gave that up aeons ago (it feels like).

mrsgboring Tue 02-Sep-08 12:24:11

Well, you can lead a boy to physical activity but you cannot make him run, jump, whatever (anyone who knows different LMK how!)

Even sleeping bunnies he will do the lying down bit but make only a halfhearted attempt at the jumping bit (he used to throw himself into it with abandon!)

I do drag him out. We go out once or twice a day; I don't let him dictate what we do, but it would be nice to find something we could do that was active which didn't have him just shrieking and begging NOT to do, as I'm taking him there / setting it up.

Have had times where I've wondered whether he is ill, but I think he's just languid by inclination.

MrsMattie Tue 02-Sep-08 12:28:53

He's very young to be involved in any kind of directed activity, really. There's really no need to worry because he refuses to be directed or engage ins tructured play at such a young age.

Maybe he just prefers hanging out, playing with toys alone etc?

Perhaps you need to compromise - take him to one or two things a week and the rest of the time let him do what he fancies? Pottering in the garden or whatever...? Or accompanying you about your day? Does he like 'helping' with housework, shopping etc?

nooname Tue 02-Sep-08 12:35:12

Hi, just a thought - could he have an iron deficiency?

mrsgboring Tue 02-Sep-08 12:46:49

I suppose it's possible, nooname, but unlikely I think. I shall investigate further though.

mrsgboring Tue 02-Sep-08 12:56:05

You're kind of right, MrsMattie. I have havered around this since it started becoming an issue, scaling activities right back for a while to see if he was knackered and fed up with them. The answer was a resounding maybe. I think he has been fed up with some of the activities, and occasionally tired, but without anything in a day he ends up completely loopy, mentally tired without being physically tired and generally it's not good.

So then I ramped the activities up again and he was much better (and so was I), so I tend to think it's the way to go - we've dropped the things he really doesn't seem to get anything out of. But that has meant we have gradually lost any structured physical activity, which he could learn to expect as part of his routine. But he doesn't take the opportunity to run around or whatever as part of his own pottering time.

We do plenty, really, in the course of our days/weeks. I think really I'm just having a little pregnant moan that I make all this effort for him to have a healthy, active, idyllic childhood and he seems desperate to check straight into couch potatodom at the moment and I think, why do I bother when I'm feeling so utterly pants and he doesn't appreciate it.

MrsMattie Tue 02-Sep-08 20:27:52

I feel your pain@mrsgboring. Slightly different scenario - I have a very boisterous, active, (maybe slightly over-) enthusaiastic 3 yr old who is prone to huge fits of temper and generally embarassing behaviour when he doesn't get his own way. I'm also heavily pregnant, and seem to spend my days trudging along to swimming / softplay/ the park when all I really feel like doing is lying on the couch....and then he goes and has a massive blow up at some stage during the proceedings and I end up dragging him kicking and screaming home. Ahhh, the joys of awkward pre-schoolers! grin

malloo Wed 03-Sep-08 14:31:35

I know it's not much help to you mrsboring but I found this post reassuring that other little kids quite like lazing about! people often say, oh, must be hard to keep up with him...fat chance!! I may be tired but it's because of expending vast amounts of energy to get him going! Like you, I'm determined to make sure he is fit and healthy! Mind you, I'm pregnant too and I must admit that it's helpful sometimes when I can't face going out and he's happy just to hang around the house!

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