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I am afraid I really feel like I hate ds1 tonight.

(19 Posts)
FlightAttendent Mon 01-Sep-08 18:49:44

I'm sorry fr saying it. But he has been attacking his little brother, I lifted him off as it was getting really violent, he fell backwards deliberately as I tried to stand him up, and then cried while shouting at me that I had hurt him (he banged his head on the floor)
I asked him quietly to go to his room, he refused.

So I took ds2 and went back to my seat. Ds1 approached shouting 'how dare you' andthrew a heavy plastic 'glass' directly at my face - it hit my neck and really hurt. He stood there saying 'good' and then when I ignored it, he got the same glass and did it again.

Then he went into the garden and started shouting at me some more. I looked out and shook my head, then he came round to the front door and rang the buzzer.

I let him in and he started attacking ds2 yet again, then me again. I know he is tired but what am I doing wrong? I've sent him to get a drink for himself.

At times like this I try not to respond physically as I know I am very angry and don't want to injure him. I am not sure what to do next.

oops Mon 01-Sep-08 18:54:10

Message withdrawn

CapricaSix Mon 01-Sep-08 18:58:31

It sounds like you've done a sterling job at staying calm and ignoring as best you can!

If it was me I would do Time Out ( i know some people don't like that). I have been known to literally plonk dd in my room (I don't use hers) and hang onto the door handle for dear life for however many minutes per years of age. blush but it does usually calm both of us down enough for me to speak to her properly, and say very firmly that if she does it again she will be straight back in that room again. I've been known to hold on for longer if she continues behaving terribly.

Then, apologies, cuddles, move on, no grudges.

FlightAttendent Mon 01-Sep-08 18:58:44

Just five...hmm
Thanks

I have to manhandle him into his room though as he won't go
Then he shouts and bangs the door so I worry what upstairs will think.
If I lock the door he could climb out of the window, that was his plan last time (though he was in there for all of 3 minutes - I wouldn't do much longer than that)

He could get hurt doing that so I daren't risk it.

I am tired too and I think he wants me to interact more but I am finding it hard to snap out of it.

FlightAttendent Mon 01-Sep-08 19:00:20

More tears - he keeps bashing into things and hurting himself.

he is plainly exhausted.

Do your children chuck things at you as well? That really scares me when he does that.

Dogsby Mon 01-Sep-08 19:00:39

no
they are tired
all of oyu go and havea bath
thast fun

FlightAttendent Mon 01-Sep-08 19:01:28

Is having cuddle on my lap...smile

FlightAttendent Mon 01-Sep-08 19:02:25

thanks coddy

CapricaSix Mon 01-Sep-08 19:02:39

Climb out the window! Is there any way to make that impossible?

And don't worry what the neighbours think! I grit my teeth and get on with it.

I so know what frame of mind you're in, that happens to me too, knowing that i'm not helping matters at all and letting things slide into mayhem...

Dogsby Mon 01-Sep-08 19:03:28

he and oyu need oty calm down.
go to bed imo
when all esle fails
a dn tyr not to react when he tests you

MrsWeasley Mon 01-Sep-08 19:04:12

my 7 and 9 year old are in bed now due to being over tired!

Tomorrows another day!

Monkeytrousers Mon 01-Sep-08 19:04:51

Poor kid. Poor you too, I know. How old are they?

He doesn't know how to articulate his feelings,his rage. The anger is fine, he just needs to find a way of expressing it that isn't so destructive. It's a good life lesson in general.

Elibean Mon 01-Sep-08 19:05:03

Sounds as though you handled it really well, not wrong at all. Its so hard, dd1 can be (the girly version) like this at times, and its very recent - she'll be 5 in December.

Personally, I try and deal with it calmly, using time out (as much for me as for her, sometimes, and which I haven't needed to use for well over a year) if she hits out. Then when she is calm, and has acknowledged that its not ok to hit/push, we talk about what she's so angry about - she doesn't always know, but it helps her to feel heard and sometimes she does know and can tell me.

It also seems to help when I can find new responsibilities for her, and let her be bigger/freer.

I don't know how old your ds is, but from what all my friends are telling me, bouts of rage and frustration seem to be very common atm and are partly due to long holidays and lack of structure/challenge etc that school provides. In dd's case, I think her little sister suddenly getting more verbal and more active is a factor...and also that she is going through a growth spurt and is frustrated and trying to figure out 'how big' she is, and how independent she can be.

On a good day atm I see her as energetic, confident, and beautiful...other days I see her as wild, aggressive and utterly infuriating wink

Monkeytrousers Mon 01-Sep-08 19:05:35

Cuddles. Good. smile

FlightAttendent Mon 01-Sep-08 19:05:44

Ok. <logs wise stuff in brain>

No Caprica we are on ground floor but is a biggish drop. I could lock window with a key but won't as there might be a fire or something. Plus he would be liable to try and open it anyway and break it.

I wonder when we will get our first asbo at times. hmm

LoveMyGirls Mon 01-Sep-08 19:05:44

I would try bringing his bedtime forward if you can so he's in bed by 6.30 at the latest or even 6 and do storytime so before he gets to the overtired stage he's calm and relaxed, has quality good attention from you and an early night, after a few nights you should find his behaviour improves and also it might be worth looking at his diet, does he have anything sugary etc?

oops Mon 01-Sep-08 19:07:56

Message withdrawn

FlightAttendent Mon 01-Sep-08 19:09:04

Diet is a good point, I was wondering about that in fact. He hasn't eaten too well today. I will go and make wholesome sandwich now. He is asking to go to bed...I think I have to oblige smile

Thankyou for listening x

LoveMyGirls Mon 01-Sep-08 19:13:46

Children respond really well to a good routine which includes food at regular intervals, my dp always moans at me for feeding my dc's snacks between meals but they only have small amounts but it does help i think as done regular nap and bed times. They like to know what is coming next all the time so try to verbalise whats going to be happening and when eg it's bedtime in 30 mins, 15 mins, 5 mins (with dd1 I'll say bedtime is in 15mins so if you want a snack/ drink/ toilet/ brush teeth etc do it now)

In our house meal/ snack times are.....

7.30am Breakfast
10.30am - snack (eg. fruit or a biscuit)
12pm - lunch
3.30pm snack
5pm dinner

Dd2 is an angel most of the time unless she is tired in which case she goes to bed early, dd1 is pretty good but its her attitude that lets her down a lot not really sure what to do about that apart from being firm and taking away privileges.

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