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Tell me it's ok to just have one child... I'm starting to resign myself to it.

(7 Posts)
GordonTheGopher Sun 31-Aug-08 14:05:38

Been ttc no2 for almost 2 years and it's causing nothing but stress and problems between me and dh.

Am on the verge of deciding to just stick with one. It wasn't in the plan for my life... I was going to have hundreds of children, but it's not working out that way.

I hate living my life in 2-week segments and just want to enjoy ds.

The only reason I really want another one is to give ds a brother or a sister - I would feel that he is missing out being on his own.

I'm a childminder so there would always be other children around... but at the end of the day it would always just be me, dh and ds.

Is that ok? What are the benefits of having just one child?

Podrick Sun 31-Aug-08 14:15:16

Lots of threads on this one like here

Mamazon Sun 31-Aug-08 14:17:48

stop trying. enjoy the child you have and take life as it comes.

if you fall pregnant then what a great bonus, but for now enjoy the blessings you already have rather than pine for ones you are waiting to recieve

tortoiseshell Sun 31-Aug-08 14:20:16

Definitely - stop trying, but don't use contraception. Then enjoy your ds! If it happens, fantastic, if it doesn't, then don't feel you've lost his childhood chasing a dream that may not happen.

Fwiw, I think there are a lot of benefits in having 1 - I have 3, and I am always manically running round, trying to fit everything in, getting the children to different things, and don't have the time to spend with each child - so things like reading/music practice/chatting are inevitably squeezed. Whereas a couple of friends with 1 child seem so much CALMER - there is more time for everything, and everything is much more serene!

MaureenMLove Sun 31-Aug-08 14:21:36

I was going to have lots too and I was a cm!

Having one is undoubtedly hard work at times, but then so is having 2 or 3 or 4! DS will be jut fine and like you say, he's got plenty of company from your mindees to keep him busy and actually, you might find he's a lot more patient with them, because he knows they're all going home!

DD is nearly 13 now, so we've done the hard bit. We don't need to entertain so much anymore, she's out with her mates, but she's equally happy having a 'film afternoon' with me and DH.

I will admit, I do sometimes get envious of friends with 2. It always seems that either me or DH can be the odd one out, whereas with 2, mum has one and dad has the other, iykwim! Even just something like holding hands to cross the road. She doesn't need to hold both!

However, now dd is off out with her mates, I'm done! No other younger siblings to deal with and so I appear to be getting my life back much quicker than all my friends! grin

There are loads of good points, but I need someone else to jog my memory on some! I have Sunday afternoon sleepy brain!

One thing though. If TTC is causing problems with you and DH, it might start involving DS and that isn't good. Maybe switching off from that, for a while at least, will give you time to reflect and enjoy DS a bit more on your own and you might find you quite like it!

meandmyjoe Sun 31-Aug-08 19:16:28

My dh was an only child and loved it, as a consequence he is very mature and contrary to the popular belief of the spolt selfish only child brat, he is the most giving and generous person I have ever known. Probably because his parents weren't stressed out with having other kids and were able to devote all their time into raising him and him not having to compete with siblings for attention/ money/ approval.

My mum was an only child too and was also happy and very very caring, generous and sensible.

I think people who don't have siblings tend to be very adult engaged and mature. As parents we tend to treat the one child as a functioning part of the family and allow them to have more of a voice and opinion rather than just the collective 'kids' if you see what I mean?

Don't worry about it, your ds is not missing out. In many ways he is gaining a far more relaxed mummy and far more time and attention from both parents. Just try and relax about it. If the conceiving happens in the future, GREAT! If not, GREAT! You can't lose luv!

Hulababy Sun 31-Aug-08 19:19:43

Been TTC for 4 years for #2, my DD is now 6y. And she is perfectly happy and well adjusted as an only child. Yes, a sibling would be nice but I just know that if it isn;t too be it won't matter either.

DD has ots of friends, is very socialable and we mix with children of all ages. DD copes well both on her own and with other children.

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