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Every time DS plays out it ends in tears.

(15 Posts)

Sometimes its my tears! DS is almost 8 years old and a bit geeky. he is a lovely boy, very considerate of other peoples feelings. He is SO un coordinated its almost unbeleivable. He has a bike though is really not safe to use it un supervised. All the other children on the street have moments of being friends with DS but over the last 2 weeks or so it seems that they are all being horrid and ganging up on him. One girl got her younger brother (who is just gone 5) to repeatedly punch DS in the chest, and DS just let him because he has been told never to hit back. 3 days after this event, the girl came to call for DS (when no one else was playing out) and I told her I didnt want DS being hit by her brother, and that her mum and dad wouldnt like it if DS hit her brother back so it had to stop or I would be up to see her parents. Me and DH are at are wits end with this, we can see he doesnt really fit in with these children, and its heartbreaking to watch whats going on. Has anyone else been through similar and how should I handle it.sad

Anyone, pleasesad I will be so glad when the school hols have finished.

lilacclaire Mon 25-Aug-08 09:06:44

I think you've done the right thing in saying something. Perhaps (im going to get a MN slaughter for this) you could tell him that he can hit back if someone hits him.

Just keep an eye out and step in when you need to.

Sorry not any better advice, someone that knows what they are talking about will be along soon im sure.

AbbeyA Mon 25-Aug-08 09:28:56

It is such a shame-he sounds a lovely boy.
You probably won't like my advice because it will go against your beliefs.
My mother brought us up never to hit back, on the lines that two wrongs don't make a right. It worked fine until we moved to a house with a communal green where all the children played out. It didn't make any difference to me, I can't remember anyone hitting me, but my brothers had a hard time and were forever coming home crying. The last straw for my mother was when my youngest brother came in with plainly visible bite marks on his shoulder. At that point she told them that if they were hit they were to hit back, and to make sure that they hit back harder. She was very sad about it but it worked.
If you don't like that approach then it might be an idea to find something that he is really interested in and make friends through activities.
I know that you want to protect him, but you are not doing him any favours by telling the children that you will speak to their parents.

Upwind Mon 25-Aug-08 09:34:25

Can you help improve his confidence/coordination by taking him on supervised bike rides away from your local area?

Also, what about martial arts training for confidence and coordination?

grouchyoscar Mon 25-Aug-08 09:47:20

Ds gets this a lot.

Next door have 4 kids U7 Ds is 5 but a big 5, friendly, considerate and a bit unco-ordinated.

Next door's kids have little to no parental input and (I hate to say this) are basically dragging themselves up. Most of the neighbours on our yard have had enough of the parents and have withdrawn a lot of the good will they offerred the family as it was bring abused by the parents. I end up being the creche worker for 5 when I am the mum to 1

Sorry, you didn't ask for my problems

DS has been accused of bullying for sticking up for himself and his toys. I have had to tell him just to come back in and to bring his toys in too. They are not worth it.

The kids miss DS and have changed their behaviour somewhat. Maybe this approach may help you.


grouchyoscar Mon 25-Aug-08 09:48:31

Upwind...martial arts, that my help my DS, Cheers.

thanks for the replies. We talked to DS last night and told him to be firm and shout " dont hit me" whilst pushing them away (not pushing, but just removing them from his personal space IYKWIM) DH has been taking out on his bike quite often and he is improving but he does tend to get quite giddy so I really dont want to let him go out on his bike. Last week he was playing with a boy just a couple of mths older than him who I liked and thought would be a nice friend for DS, this boy wanted to come in our house and play on the x box but DS wanted to stay outside. This boy then said " I hate you and am not playing with you again" Now I know that is pretty standard kid behaviour but it hurt me so bad because then the kids started name calling. DS has also come in and said that these children have called us names. Now I wish I had a thick skin but I can ignore these children but how can I help DS fit in with these children and do I even WANT him to fit in with these kids? on friday night I heard one of the girls talking about women sucking mens willysshock she is 8 yrs old fgs and the older boys were egging her on til my next door neighbour went out and said she didnt want to hear that sort of talk round hear. I dont want DS mixing with these kids but he gets upset if I try to persuade him to stay in.

grouchyoscar Mon 25-Aug-08 10:23:00

BKBK I wouldn't want my DS anywhere near those kids TBH. I know it's a kid thing to talk about and say 'I hate you' when they don't get their own way but...I would be tempted to encourage him to do other things TBH

What support does his school offer. DS's school have been of great help

MrsSnape Mon 25-Aug-08 10:56:44

I don't allow my kids to play out with the locals for this reason. DS1 doesn't fit in either and they're ok with him one minute and hitting him the next. DS1 WOULD hit back though, I'd tell him off if he didn't (prepares for flaming)

On the other hand DS2 is completely the other way, he fits in too well, has a big gob and is cocky and 'fighty' so if he goes out, it ends in him either being hit or someone knocking on the door to say he's hit them. I just can't be doing with it. I'd rather them not mix with the kids around here anyway, most of them will end up with asbos and I don't want that for my kids.

lljkk Mon 25-Aug-08 19:17:48

A nearly 8yo doesn't have to hit back to stop a 5yo from hitting, he should be able to grab and hold the little lad's arms or simply run away.

They don't sound like nice kids to be playing with. If he were mine I might sit outside and watch the other children, as if to say "I'm not having you be horrible to my lad".

MrsMuddle Mon 25-Aug-08 20:03:38

Could he join scouts or some other club and meet new people that he could invite round to play with?

I also have a son who was very geeky when he was younger, but has now turned into a cool, funny, gorgeous teenager. He's still very uncoordinated, but it doesn't matter now. One of the things that helped when he was younger was teaching him to do things that the others couldn't. From quite young, he has played the guitar and also been really good at magic. They're both things that are quite impressive to other children. Is there something that your son would like to do that no-one else in the neighbourhood does?

This horrible time will pass.

Thanks for more replies. He hasnt hit the little boy that was hitting him, he just told him firmly "dont hit me" and I am happy with that, I dont want my son to upset anyone but am getting pissed off with my son being upset. I have asked him if he wants to go to cubs but he isnt interested though he sounded more interested in learning judo so thats a possibility for the future. There has been a bit of good news for DS, he saw his friend from schools dad the other day on our street and he told james he was going to be renting a house on our street so he was very happy about that. I have done my best to keep him entertained and things have been better yesterday and today so I think I just need to make plans to keep him occupiedsmile

scanner Wed 27-Aug-08 15:20:46

Our policy with the dc's is that if someone is hurting them they say 'if you hit me again I will hit you back', it gives the child the chance to stop and in fact nine times out of ten they do. If the child continues then, I'm afraid then as someone else said we tell them to hit back even harder. It may not be the ideal way, but we don't live in an idea world.

Thancs scanner, your right we dont live in an ideal world and if this doesnt get any better then I will be telling DS the same. Kids can be so bloody meansad

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