I think DH has PND - is there anything I can do?

[Thankyouandgoodnight]

DH is having trouble bonding to 4 week old DC2 - infact he never says anything positive about him and it's crucifying me. He's always complaining that 'he's wingeing again', when in fact he doesn't cry that much and only when he's hungry / needs help getting to sleep - i.e. the usual baby stuff. DH is appearing to be really stressed by him in general but wouldn't ever seek or accept formal help and is moody as hell. DS is BF so i do all the night stuff.

What can I do to help?

[Thankyouandgoodnight]

oh and I think that part of the problem is that DH is expecting to have his evenings to watch TV / faff on computer, so any time DS pulls him away from that, it really annoys him. He's being a tad selfish and unrealistic I think BUT, there's no telling DH that and I don't think that would be particularly constructive bearing in mind his attitude towards him.

[lulumama]

how was he with DC1?

[bubblagirl]

im not sure as i think we tend to forget men can become depressed with the change also

maybe you need to sit and talk it through with him properly why he feels the way he does and ask for honesty even if it may hurt and if all said and done he does sound just selfish tell him to stay somewhere else for a while if he cannot support you and your new child

is he stressed at work could he genuinly be depressed anyway i would'nt automatically persume its selfishness straight away without really discussing it you may find he has other problems his not bothered you with

[Thankyouandgoodnight]

Thank you for your replies.

He was stressed with DC1 too but was very protective and loving towards her - and he was also really worried that the arrival of DC2 would be disastrous for DC1 and that she would lose out horribly, so I know that's an element of it.

It's as if the baby crying has far more effect on him than it does me if that makes sense. I see it as communication and he sees it as irritation and as if it's just to annoy him.

I think he's permanently feeling challenged at work but not necessarily in a bad way. he never deals with stress very well in that he's prone to lashing out at those closest to him rather than just announcing he's stressed by x,y or z whilst being reasonable with family etc.

[Thankyouandgoodnight]

He did announce to friends that 'I've been told it's perfectly normal not to bond with No.2 for 6-8 weeks'.....which was the first I'd heard of how he was feeling as it were. It's very hard because if I ask him about it, he takes it all the wrong way and as if I'm in a therapists kind of role - all very tricky!

[bubblagirl]

well i hope you can both sort this out maybe saying oh you want time with your lovely daddy whilst mummy makes dinner and force him to face up to the responsibility maybe that 5 mins alone he may see dc2 differently

maybe as much as he was looking forward to it his worried about dc1 feeling left out and not really knowing how to act to dc2

just try when you can to leave them alone together but close enought o see how he is maybe it'll be one of them moments it will all click

good luck no one said having kids would be easy lots of different things happen dont they that affect us i hope all works itself out soon for all of you

[FrannyandZooey]

things may improve when dc2 starts smiling and playing, etc?

[brightwell]

I worked alongside community midwives a couple of years ago, it was not uncommon to see Dad's not feeling the same way about dc2, especailly when dc1 was a girl & dc2 a boy. we always recommended that Dad & dc2 did a bit of skin to skin bonding, ie baby in nappy held against Dad's bare chest and leave them to together for a while, gives Mum a chance to do something with dc1

[gagarin]

try and go out with dc1 and leave him with dc2?