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dd3 is the most destructive child i have, i dont know how to deal with this

(16 Posts)
misdee Sat 23-Aug-08 16:38:48

she can bge the sweetest most adorable child out there.

but she breaks things. on purpose because she doesnt like them.

she has broken dd1+2 stuff, things i have put by for the baby. only ever luittle thinsg ,which arent worth much in ££, but have a lot of sentimental attachment. things the girls have made themselves. or have been passed down from child to child.

she has ripped the foam lagging off the trampoline surround, despite frequent telling offs, etc etc, and yesterday banged her face on an exposed metal bar as she had removed the lagging.

she bites. she took the skin off dd2 side yesterday. she has scarred dd1 arm from one bite.

she draws on walls. so much that all pens have now been removed from her reach. if she hasnt got a wall to draw on, then she will draw on herself or the others.

She isnt like this everyday, but its driving me mad.

JuneBugJen Sat 23-Aug-08 16:42:00

poor you, how frustrating. So glad she can be adorable, I guess it makes up for the bad times.
Mine can be like this too, only a bit less violent! How old is she?

misdee Sat 23-Aug-08 16:43:24

she is 3,5yrs old.

and had a hell of a lot to deal with in her young life.

JuneBugJen Sat 23-Aug-08 16:45:15

Do you think there are specific reasons why she is destructive? Why do you think your other 2 arent that way?

misdee Sat 23-Aug-08 16:48:40

just before dd3 was born, my husband was undergoing tests to see if he could go on the heart transplant list.

when she was 3months old, he went into hospital for a life-saving artificial heart op, and didnt leave the hospital for 16months. then he came home for almost a year, with a team of carers, medical equipment, and this great big machine. he spent a lot of time alseep, not able to play, and also back in hospital. last august he finally had a heart transplant.

we are now expecting dd4, in the middle of moving house, and the poor girl doesnt jknow if she is coming or going i guess. she has wet the bed 3 times in the last 2 weeks, which is bad for her, as she hasnt done that since march.

JuneBugJen Sat 23-Aug-08 17:02:06

oh how awful for you and your DH, as well as your other dcs. And to have another one on the way. I dont know how you are doing it.

So glad to hear that the heart transplant was a sucess. But what alot of worry and strain you have had to cope with. I guess its natural she is acting out, but doesn't make it any less upsetting for you.

Not sure I have any advice as any I could give would sound trite after all you have been through. Just lots of hope for you and your family that things will get easier. Just keep giving her lots of hugs and nice wallpaper in new home, its probably not worth it at the moment! How about giving her her own blackboard wall and lots of sticker charts for good behaviour? (oops there I go giving advice!)

misdee Sat 23-Aug-08 17:19:58


am hoping that once we have moved, she is settled into nursery and dd4 arrives, she will settle down a bit.

will try the sticker charts, thank you.

i just needed a moan really blush

moondog Sat 23-Aug-08 17:26:42

Poor you
And poor her.
You've allbeen through the mill.
It's a tough age too.
My just 4 year old ds is a monumental pita at present.

ChairmanMiao Sat 23-Aug-08 17:27:58

IS she going to start nursery in September?
SHe might be bored, or feeling the gap between her and the older dds. How is she at amusing herself? And how does she react if her stuff is broken?

But then I think the likeliest reason (other than 'because she can') is to do with all the change.

Keep the sticker chart out of her reach, just in case! wink

ChairmanMiao Sat 23-Aug-08 17:30:09

D'you know, I just thought - I really liked the feel of ripping wallpaper when I was a yoof. Still do.

Might it be a sensory thing?

<searches for lentilly reasons even though dd3 is clearly a threenager with a mind of her own>

JulesJules Sat 23-Aug-08 17:31:05

There was a similar thread recently, started by MrsJohnCusack, I think, in the end someone pointed out all these 3yo demons were born in the year of the Monkey. I looked up the characteristics on Wiki and it all rang true!

FlightAttendent Sat 23-Aug-08 17:32:27

Oh Misdee sad

I was thinking of starting a thread about ds1 today, he is driving me insane - but he has been through a lot too.

I hope he will settle with time but sometimes I just want to give up and send him to the orphanage...or to live with Grandma hmm

I told him the other day that people get grumpy with each other when they live together, so Grandma probably would not be so womderful all the time if he did go to live there. I am so evil sad

misdee Sat 23-Aug-08 17:32:27

yes, she starts middle of september smile she is really looking forward to nursery.

she is a kid with loads of energy (which i dont have atm), and needs to be doing stuff all the time. atm, she is sailing paper boats of the paddling pool, and trying to see the neighbours dog through the gaps in the fence.

misdee Sun 24-Aug-08 20:03:31

today she has un-ravelled dd1 knitting.

when asked why she said 'dd1 left it out so its her fault'


dh taken over bathtime because i will just scream.

now i need to find dd1 a knitting bag to keep it out of dd3 way.


eandh Sun 24-Aug-08 20:10:17

Lol at the yera of the monkey thing, dd1 is a 2004 baby therefore a 'monkey' and she lives up to that description!

Her classic is to start screaming at bedtime as dd2 will be asleep she thinks we'll go running to stop her screaming and waking dd2, but to be honest we have come down on that one very harshly and actually gave her a few light smacks (I know its not mn etiquette!!)

Roll on 6th september (her birthday party), 7th september (her actual 4th birthday) and then 8th September preschool restarts and shes upping to 4 mornings a week (think its going to be a long year as she doesnt start infants until next September literally on her 5th birthday)

pollyanna Sun 24-Aug-08 20:13:15

oh God she sounds just like my 3.7 yo (also my dd3). I am at the end of my tether too. she is violent and angry as well aS destructive and AWFUL with her baby brother (sorry to say this, but maybe your dd3 will be ok...)

none of my other 3 have been any where near as bad. Roll on Sept. and nursery.

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