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Ok, so how do I deal with 3.5 yr old dd who says "fucking" to get a reaction? Am at a bit of a loss....

(26 Posts)
orangina Fri 22-Aug-08 21:38:33

.... I know, I know, she shouldn't even have HEARD of the word, but she has, and at the moment (she is going through a CHALLENGING phase just now), she rolls it out fairly regularly, for effect. "These fucking toys" is a favourite....


Now, when she was younger and the odd inappropriate word came out, we totally ignored it, and that was fine. The difference now is that she knows EXACTLY what she is saying (though she obviously doesn't know what it means, just that it is not a "nice word"), and she is saying it for effect. Do I...

a) ignore?
b) warn and punish?
c) if b) above, how to punish (no tv/icecream etc?)
d) explain why it is not nice
e) shout and say "if I EVER hear you say that again......"

Don't think a) will work, don't really like the threats and punishment, have done d) already and she knows it is not nice, which is why she goes on about it and e) doesn't seem to be working.....

Help please!

orangina Fri 22-Aug-08 21:44:52


mamalovesmojitos Fri 22-Aug-08 21:45:10

ignore. i think it's the only thing that will work long time. wait it out, be patient, and try not to rise to it.

tbh i used to find it a bit funny when dd did it. not that i let her know you understand wink

fryalot Fri 22-Aug-08 21:46:40

it's a tough one, but fwiw, I would:

tell her it's a bad word and if you hear her say it you will ignore her.

Then ignore her completely. Whenever she uses it. Make a big fuss when she doesn't use it, but completely blank her when she uses it.

It will be tough and she may scream and cry and hit but she will soon get the message.

You may, however, get someone who actually knows what they are talking about, feel free to take their advice wink

fryalot Fri 22-Aug-08 21:47:19

(ds sometimes says "oh, for gods sake, where are those blooding girls!" blush)

WideWebWitch Fri 22-Aug-08 21:47:21

Lots of people disagree with me when I say this but I really tihnk ignore. My ds is now 10 and doesn't swear for effect because there IS NO effect (i.e. I don't care or take anmy notice, it has no power) but if I'd have reacted when he was younger I'd have set myself up I reckon.

She will forget it soon enough, they do at that age. Good luck.

HeinzSight Fri 22-Aug-08 21:47:57

ignore, distract

orangina Fri 22-Aug-08 21:51:45

You are all stars and make perfect sense.... will go with ignore it and her and see how it goes.... thank you!

HeinzSight Fri 22-Aug-08 21:52:33

good luck orangina smile

BigBadMousey Fri 22-Aug-08 21:52:40

do not give a reaction then she won't say it

orangina Fri 22-Aug-08 21:54:46

post script.... do I ignore even when we are on the bus? or in the supermarket?

WideWebWitch Fri 22-Aug-08 21:55:40

on the bus/supermarket I'd STILL ignore and distract MADLY so "oh my goodness, look at that xxxxx over there!!"

fryalot Fri 22-Aug-08 21:56:24

you say (in a loud voice so all the judgey judge pants can hear you) "I've told you that that is a very naughty word and I'm not going to talk to you if you use it" Then ignore her.

Hopefully all the judgey judge wankers will realise you are dealing with it. If they don't, we'll all come and stick up for you on the "AIBU to think this child shouldn't have been saying fucking on the bus" thread wink

Thomcat Fri 22-Aug-08 21:58:18

Oh no. I reckon I have this coming my way one day. For now I just get 'oh..MY....GOD".

I'm another that votes for ignore.
If she repeats it over and over I's say something like 'I don't like that word it's rude and I won't talk to you when you use it' but only if she keeps saying it at you to get the rise.

Good luck.

WideWebWitch Fri 22-Aug-08 21:58:30

lol squonk, quite right, good advice.

WideWebWitch Fri 22-Aug-08 21:59:25

The trouble with my 'distract if she says fuck on a bus' idea is that they can smell fear and if she gets an INKLING that you are nervous or worried about it she will do it more. So Squonk is 100% right.

fryalot Fri 22-Aug-08 22:00:40


did you all see that? 100% right grin

<<<preens again>>>


WideWebWitch Fri 22-Aug-08 22:00:55


orangina Fri 22-Aug-08 22:01:17

You are all marvellous and should be marketed as some kind of wonder product, thank you! Now feel able to face the weekend...!


mamalovesmojitos Fri 22-Aug-08 22:08:02


fryalot Fri 22-Aug-08 22:09:17

oh, and obviously, try really hard not to slip up and say "if you use that fucking word again, I will ignore you for the rest of the fucking day"

(not that you would, of course wink)

PortAndLemon Fri 22-Aug-08 22:18:11

Haven't had this one. I've had success avoiding "Bugger" ("No, DS, it's pronounced 'Bother'...") and "bloody" ("I don't understand. Is the [whatever] covered in blood? Well, it's not bloody, then, is it?"). But those tactics don't really work with "fucking" unless you are prepared to seriously brazen it out on the bus / in the supermarket.

pointydog Fri 22-Aug-08 22:31:22

Your best way is to stop her hearing anyone saying 'fucking'. Where does she hear it?

blueskythinker Fri 22-Aug-08 22:35:05

blush I am currently dealing with 'bloody' as in 'that bloody dog', but it gets translated to 'that bloody cushion, my bloody breakfast', ad infinitum.

I ignore it.

My DD (3.3) also says 'cheeses' everytime we go over a bump in the road. blush

pointydog Fri 22-Aug-08 23:07:34

don't fucking swear in front of your children

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