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can anyone help me?

(15 Posts)
cbd Thu 21-Aug-08 00:01:49

Not sure if this is the right place to ask but I'll give it a go.
I've had a lot of problems with OH before the birth of my DS, I've had depression during pregnancy as well as anxiety and post-traumatic stress. Luckily they have started to get better. During the depression I said somethings to my therapist who had to tell my MW which in turn end up involving the police, women's aid and social services. I'm still living with my OH and unfortunately problems are returning again. Due to the nature of the problems I have now got to attend a CAF meeting. Has anyone ever attended one before as I don't know what to expect. Also I spoke to my HV today because of the returning problems and she said that it could turn into a child protection case if it carries on. I'm worrying myself sick now. Sorry it's long but i do feel better just writing it down.

Bowddee Thu 21-Aug-08 00:06:24

No idea, sorry. But I'm sure someone will be able to help.

Tortington Thu 21-Aug-08 00:07:58

link{http://66.102.9.104/search?q=cache:QmP21ZrKOUgJ:www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivor s-handbook.asp%3Fsection%3D00010001000800010038+domestic+abuse.+will+my+child+be+taken+away%3F&hl=en &ct=clnk&cd=2&gl=uk\this may help}

Tortington Thu 21-Aug-08 00:08:20

again
here

pooter Thu 21-Aug-08 00:08:32

sorry you are going through this. im afraid im no help, but im sure social services would keep you and ds together - you are his mum!

controlfreakyagain Thu 21-Aug-08 00:11:04

do you mean children and families meeting by CAF? ie social services....? if they have had a referral from ie HV they have a duty to investigate whether a child is likely to be at risk of harm when born.... hard to know what is lokely to happen without knowing nature of your "problems". are you suffering domestic violence?

controlfreakyagain Thu 21-Aug-08 00:12:24

sorry... reread op and see you already have ds.... same approach by ss though...

ThatBigGermanPrison Thu 21-Aug-08 00:16:58

To be honest, this is why women tend to keep their gobs shut about domestic violence. Nothing like the perceived threat of losing your child to make you roll over and take itsad - it certainly glued my lips shut on a few occasions.

cbd Thu 21-Aug-08 11:18:14

Thank you for your replies. With working in child care I done all the child protection courses myself never thought it would happen to me, (but who does?) I've been suffering with physical, emotional and sexual abuse over about 5 yrs, now DS is here I can't let him grow up thinking this is how you treat people. I've got to think about my DS now as well as well as myself.

Tortington Thu 21-Aug-08 20:26:08

so what are you going to do next?

cbd Thu 21-Aug-08 23:08:06

I'll attend the meeting see what is said, but i've told my therapist and HV that I am prepared to leave OH if thats what it takes to keep us both save. I do feel at times that I would be better off on my own with DS.

Tortington Thu 21-Aug-08 23:45:02

so he beats you and rapes you and you stay?

cbd Fri 22-Aug-08 17:30:21

It's taken me a long time to convince myself that it is wrong, when i found out I was pregnant I went in search of help and advise. I guess part of me is scared of leaving as I have never been on my own before, I've always had someone to watch over me and tell me what to do. People say to leave an abusive relationship but its easier said than done, I've not told my dad, and I dont get on with the rest of my family and haven't got any friends here, so I have no support apart from professional help. I have said that I am willing to leave but will need someone to help me to move in the right direction. Deep down I know leaving would be in my best interest butalso I still love him. I know it might sound silly to some people but unless people have been/are in this situation I guess it will seem obvious what I have to do, but it is hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel sometimes.

mamakim Fri 22-Aug-08 17:38:09

I'm sorry i don't have any practical advice. I was raised in a household where my father was violent towards my mother. She didn't leave him until i'd left home. Trust me your son shouldn't be around that. I also know that just telling you to leave makes no difference. Please seek help to get both of you safe. Sending you vibes to stay strong, your son needs you.

cbd Fri 22-Aug-08 17:57:44

Thank you for your reply mamakim, I'm hoping that this CAF meeting will help me get things sorted out Social Services and Women's Aid will be there and my HV and a lady from the police that I have already met.
All this as only come out because I found out I was pregnant and there is no way I want my DS to think that is how you treat others. I've worked with families from this type of background and seen the effect it has on the children. Always asked myself why didn't they leave earlier now I'm beginning to understand myself.

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