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Son being bullied because of me

(13 Posts)
Riband Tue 19-Aug-08 21:46:53

I had my son when I was 18. I hated my father so didn't want DS to carry on his family name so I chose a completely new surname for him (as I was single, my surname was the same as my dad's).

The long and short of it is I gave him a name I thought would be unique and make him stand out, remember I was 18. I chose the surname Mercedes and the middle name Storme. (Don't want to give his full name out but the first name was modern but still fairly common).

It didn't become an issue until the last year of primary school when people started taking the piss out of him, calling him mercedes benz and asking he'd been named after a car salesmen etc. This hit a raw nerve anyway because DS doesn't know his dad.

Then when he started secondary school it got much worse, now they're saying stuff like "Your mum must be a right chav" or "is your mum called vicky pollard" etc. I named him before all this chav stuff became so prominant.

Whenever I see people taking the piss out of chavs now they always say stuff like "little chardoney mercedes" or "aaron storm" etc and I'm mortified that DSs name has been turned into a joke. It wasn't like this when he was born.

He's now realised its my fault his last name gets him bullied and is taking it out on me quite badly. I know its my fault but there is nothing I can do about it now. sad

jollydo Tue 19-Aug-08 22:41:35

I don't know what advice to offer you, but wanted you to know I'd read this and sympathise. Children can bully others for all sorts of silly reasons, so try not to think that it's your fault. Have you looked on any bullying websites to get ideas of how to help your son deal with it all? There's also a bullying thread in the education section - maybe someone going through it with their child can advise you?

bethoo Tue 19-Aug-08 22:44:52

i know it may not be what you wnat ot hear but if he feels that strong have you thought about changing his name? not officially but a name he would rather be called for now?
it may not stop the bullying though as they will always know his original name.
bullying is a difficult thng to overcome.

Aitch Tue 19-Aug-08 22:46:48

well... he could change his name if he feels that strongly about it. you were only 18, very vulnerable and didn't have the ability to see into the future for him. perhaps hand the power back to him and ask him what he'd choose if it were up to him. no reason why you can't change it, is there?

it's not your fault he's getting bullied, it's the bullies' fault. and yes, if it wasn't about this it probably would be something else... what about your school's anti-bullying policy, might that help?

hercules1 Tue 19-Aug-08 22:48:36

Change it. I have a very unusual name and wish I didnt have it. Cursed for a life time.

Doodle2U Tue 19-Aug-08 22:56:09

Listen, my lad has bright orange hair and wears glasses, hates football and talks with a Jonathan (W)Ross lisp....I was 34 when I had him and can do fook all about any of it for him. So he rides the storm and with a small handful of GOOD mates, he'll get through.

So will your son.

My most lovliest friend called her first son Judas because of the actual meaning of the name. He's ridden the storm and come out a better lad for it.

So will your son.

What he needs is some stingingly fantastic one liner put downs. Try him with:-

"Your mum must be a right Chav"

"She might well be - your Mum taught her everything she knows."

Aitch Tue 19-Aug-08 22:58:17

doodle your most loveliest friend is MAD. grin

LynetteScavo Tue 19-Aug-08 23:06:11

Riband, the sad thing is kids will get picked on for something. Anything. It's how they deal with it which is important, and is a huge factor in determining whether one instance of name calling turns into bullying.

If it really bothers him that much, let him use a different name at school. I have known friends children do this for various reasons.

Doodle2U Tue 19-Aug-08 23:06:55

Aye, she is a bit mad but never has a more gorgeous human being walked the earth, Aitch. smile

Aitch Tue 19-Aug-08 23:09:15

she'd need to be. wink

objectivity Tue 19-Aug-08 23:14:46

My theory on bullying is that victims pick on victims. The bully is probably a victim of some sort himself/herself and thus targets weaker individuals in order to feel less of a victim him/herself. So, equally if one is picked on by a bully there is a strong possibility that that person exudes weakness or low self esteem to some extent.

The fattest, ugliest stupidest kid can go through school and not be bullied if he has high self worth as the brightest most beautiful child can become a victim of bullying. It all comes down to self esteem - faked or real.

So, the name is just a 'topic'for the bully to use, the real issue is making your son feel strong in himself. To do that you need to get to the bottom of how he feels about himself as a person which requires trust, communication and honesty.

Doodle2U Tue 19-Aug-08 23:24:54

And for when he's older:-

Is your mum called Vicky Pollard?

"No, she isn't. Have you got any dirty pictures of your mother?.....No?...do you want to buy some?.

grin

Give him some bullets of his own to fire Riband!

Snippety Wed 20-Aug-08 11:34:25

I hated my original name because it was too posh !! Really horrid, fat, horsey name. As a child I used to lie when asked what my name was and I changed it by deed poll when I was 25 to the nickname I'd used since I was 16 ( not Snippety !! grin).

However, I've given my son three names. The first is a traditional but unusual Welsh name (DH is Welsh/Irish), the second is a lesser known name from Tolkien (DH and I are both big fans), and the third is a Norse name from the Sagas (I am a Norse tradition Pagan). We chose these names because we loved them and they express what we are about as a family but they are by no means "normal". I will perfectly understand if he grows up to be a conventional accountant type and changes it to Dave or Steve !!

Could you choose a new name together and get it changed at the solicitors ? When I did it it was about £25 I think. I kind of like the idea of a child having a name when they're a kid and then a new name when they become a man / woman. Perhaps it could be a kind of rite of passage for him.

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