Need to get a book on toddlers TODAY! which one is best?

[StealthMouse]

Right, I've had enough of my dd she now 2yrs 8mths and this morning she nearly reduced me to tears for the first time.

I've heard of "Toddler Taming"(is that right?) books but I don't know of a specific one - does anyone have any recommendations? I thought reading something liek that might give me some hints and tips.

I've never parented from a book before so this is new to me...

[NotQuiteCockney]

Toddler Taming is a specific book, by Dr. Christopher Green. I think it's ok, he's a bit bossy, but pretty sensible with it. (I do think he says that hitting kids can be ok, but he's not actually in favour of it. He certainly doesn't recommend it.)

At any rate, he's pretty practical, and his methods can be a bit harsh, but not unduly so.

It's hard to say what book will suit which parents ... it might be worth borrowing one from someone, or from your library to see what suits?

[StealthMouse]

I'm going to sound really dumb here but what do they do? do they tell you how to handle a specific situation?

I didn't even realise 'Toddler Taming' was a specific book.

I just want to know how to deal with her tantrums in the best way as at the moment nothing seems to work.

I also think I need a book on potty training, will the same books cover this?

[WideWebWitch]

I like Toddler Taming too and The Secrets of Happy Children by Steve Biddulph. Both books give you lots of strategies for handling tantrums and toddlerdom in general. Or you could ask here!

[StealthMouse]

Well in the last month she has: started playing up at bedtime - it used to take me 10 mins to do our bedtime routine it now takes me approx. 2 hours and lots of giggling then tears to get her settled!

She used to sleep through and get up at 7ish now she wakes 3 or 4 times and gets up at 5:50

From 5:50 until we leave (used to be 7:30 is now more like 8:10 thanks to dd) we have tantrums a bout every little thing and this morning when I was having a show she took a misc. object and scratched several dvds to pieces. I used to get ready for work before she got out of bed but now that is impossible. I then have the same tantrums from when we get in to when she goes to bed at which point to bedtime trouble starts.

I don't want to spend all of the little time I sepnd with her fighting and yet I don't want to give into her tantrums by giving her everything she wants just cos she's about to kick-off! so difficult. She used to be such a joy as well, I feel like I've gone wrong somewhere but I don't know where!

I was so closed to losing my temper with her this morning I sent her to her room where she sat on the floor sobbing. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong to be able to do it right

[bundle]

stealthmouse, did you say have a show? are you pg?

[StealthMouse]

Ooops that was a corker of a typo - I am definitely not pg and simply meant have a shower. oops!

[bundle]

was going to say being pg would explain the tantrums! from the books i've seen, "fighting" with her will only "feed" the tantrum ie any attention even shouty mummy is attention = love. go big on praising her good behaviour and applauding when she does things right. start a sticker chart (including staying in bed, helping mummy to dress her, eating etc), all stuff that worked for us. i've got the biddulph book but he's v anti-nurseries, so i pick & choose what i believe about his views.

[Carla]

Another vote for Toddler Taming. Just ignore the bits you don't feel comfortable with.

[welshmum]

Stealthmouse - I'm with bundle, we've recently introduced star charts with our dd who is a couple of months older than yours. She gets a star for teeth cleaning with no fuss, one for hair brushing and one for going to bed nicely with no calling out in the night. If she gets most of her stars she gets a small treat at the end of the week. It's worked really well and removed alot of conflict from troublesome times of the day.
Don't worry about crying over it - it's parr for the course I reckon

[StealthMouse]

See this is the thing - I always been big on praise (perhaps too much??) and now I don't really know how to deal with problems because until Christmas I honestly never honestly never had any.

It's hard because she pushes and pushes and there's nobody there to vent my frustrations at, I'm full of cold and so tired.

Yet with other things she's so good, liek this morning I was so stressed and late and rushing around that I was a bout to whisk her out the door when she really quielty and politely told me she hadn't cleaned her teeth and could we do it - then I feel even more guilty!!!

Still thanks all for the comments so far, I'm not sure I could follow a book that is anti-nursery tbh but I agree it's about taking what fits for you.

[WideWebWitch]

Agree, the gist of Toddler Taming is that children want attention so don't ever let them get any as a result of a tantrum since they'll take negative attention over no attention any day. Praise the good, ignore the bad, be consistent, pick your battles wisely. Think those are the main points And it's nothing you've done, it's her age imo, perfectly normal!

[StealthMouse]

lol www, if only it was that simple eh - I've tried doing all that but it's hard to ignore someone when they're biting/hitting you.

The main problem I find is I'm trying so hard to deal with this 'properly' i.e. no attention etc but her father and grandparents who all have access to her without me there do not/will not keep up the consistancy and quite frankly it really fu*ks me off. It's like I work hard with her go through all the crap and they just think fuck it and do what they want anyway - they do not listen to me it is infuriating me to the point where I am about to start restricting their access to her... I just do know what else I can do!

Soryy for ranting

[WideWebWitch]

It would fuck me off too! I had a similar thing, my ex dh and ex mil have seen ds every other weekend since he was 2, when I left dh. (all amicable etc) and their rules are very different to mine. All you can do is try to get them to follow yours but if they won't, keep at it yourself imo, my ds eventually got the idea that our rules and mils were different. But easy for me to say, he's 7 now!

[StealthMouse]

so there's hope yet www?!

[bubble99]

Yet another vote for Toddler Taming. I like his style of writing, he's pragmatic and manages to inject some much needed humour. He's also the father of two boys and admits that before having children he considered himself an 'expert'. Post children he acknowledges that it's very different dealing with your own.

[StealthMouse]

Toddler Taming seems to have the most votes so far.

[Tommy]

I'd go for the Toddler Taming too - sensible and won't make you feel a failure if things don't work out the way you think!

[mears]

Definately agree Toddler Taming. Here is a link with reviews here

[mears]

Link isn't working.

Go to www.amazon.co.uk?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Click on books then type in Toddler Taming in the search box.

[StealthMouse]

lol - I was just about to say the link diodn't work. Will have a look, thanks!

[Kelly1978]

Another vote for toddler taming and also for How not to bea Perfect Mother by Libby Purves. A great read, which helps alleviate the guilts of motherhood and present a more laid back guide to child rearing. I didn't agree with everythign in there, but I did find some of the common sense approach really useful.

[CazTurner]

Hi Kelly1978

I tried to CAT you but it tells me I can't, I've been trying to contact you about the DD100 and A103 thing! Let me know if you still want to do it! My email is [email protected], I'm pretty sure there aren't any axe-murderers on here, if there are ... well ... good luck! Take care ... CAZ

[pinkwhistle]

I have Toddler Taming - easy to read, fairly straight talking stuff.

But my fave book I STILL refer to even though my kids are 5 and 8, is called What to Expect the Toddler Years.

You may have heard of What to Expect when you're Expecting. Similar layout to that. Huge book, over 850 pages, with soooooo much info. Fabulous. Goes month by month from age 12m to 3yrs. Also has sections on feeding, safety, diseases, injuries, special needs, siblings, parenting and child care. I don't know if you can get it in the UK, but it really has been my "parenting bible".

Enough of a rave. That's my pick. Hope u can find one you are happy with.

[bobbybob]

Of Course I Love You Now go to Your Room, by Diane Levy.

The title is ironic, just in case anyone thought I was recommending a very odd book.

She is very good with battle of wills between parent and child, her writing style doesn't make me want to throw the book at the wall (the highest compliment ever) and she is very good at getting rid of guilt and procrastination.

Toddler taming is very similar, I think they know each other. They are both child pyschologists, so maybe that's why.