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Help - What am I doing wrong? :(

(27 Posts)
LilRedWG Thu 14-Aug-08 19:04:43

DD is 27 months and has always been an independent little girl - we've always said that we could put her in nursery full time and she wouldn't bat an eyelid.

To cut a long story short we decided for her sanity and mine that she would start going to nursery for five hours each Friday - she gets to intereact with children her age and I get a few hours to myself, after being together 24/7 since she was born.

The first few weeks were great - she toddled off and loved every second, not wanting to come home at the end.

Last week she sobbed when we got there and clung to me for 20 minute or so, until she was taken to feed the rabbit and I snuck off - something I hated doing as I have always said goodbye to her when she's stayed over at grandparents etc for the occassional night. She settled okay after a while but was very glad to see me and wanted to go home when I got there.

This week, whenever I've mentioned nursery, she has clung to me and started to cry. Is this normal seperation anxiety? (RL friends keep telling me it is) How do I best deal with it? I don't want to pull her out of nursery as she does enjoy it when she's there.

Today we went to the supermarket and she chose a carrot to feed to the rabbit at nursery tomorrow and it's in her bag by the front door waiting to go, but I just know she is going to be distraught when it comes to me leaving. My plan is to say to her that she needs to go and give the bunny his carrot and that Mummy is going to 'work' and that I will be back to get her later and we can go to the library (she loves doing this).

Any advice will be most welcome, as will any reassurance that I am not the evil mother I feel.

RubyRioja Thu 14-Aug-08 19:10:11

YOU ARE NOT EVIL

I am sure it is great for both of you. When mine were gettign used to nursery we opted for 2 sessions per week s it got them into a rhythm faster.

I used to tell dd I was gong to shop to buy her some smarties and bring them to her after the singing (end of session).

We also used to borrow a book or teddy from nursery, so we had a reason to go back to return it.

Really don't fret. I think it is all normal as she finds her feet.

Maybe do some pictures on 'days off' to take to her keyworker, or make cakes to take into for her friends.

LilRedWG Thu 14-Aug-08 19:16:48

Thanks Ruby. Unfortunately we can't afford two sessions a week otherwise we'd try that.

She has done some pictures today, I may suggest that she takes one in for her key worker.

LilRedWG Thu 14-Aug-08 19:17:29

So, is it normal to suddenly get like this after a few weeks?

RubySlippers Thu 14-Aug-08 19:19:08

Lil - they go in phases, they really do

have you spoken to the nursery to see if she is happy once you have left

if she is then i wouldn't worry

LilRedWG Thu 14-Aug-08 19:21:01

She took a while to warm up last week and spent about 40 minutes sitting on her key workers lap, but after that was fine and joined in well and happily.

The nursery are great. They really do communicate well and are very affectionate towards all the children.

RubySlippers Thu 14-Aug-08 19:22:28

affection and communication are GREAT

am sure your DD will be just fine

MatNanPlus Thu 14-Aug-08 20:22:13

Your plans for tomorrow are spot on, the oicture for her KW and chat about how tasty the carrot looks and how very happy the rabbit will be to see her with his/her treat.

I would do as you say, tell her before getting there that it is library after nursery and you will help her put her bag away/change shoes and then have to be off, so big kiss and go see the rabbit.

LilRedWG Thu 14-Aug-08 20:25:50

Thanks. I just know I need to leave but find it hard to leave whilst she is upset, but if I stay like last week she'll just keep crying to keep me there, won't she. Being a mum is so hard sometimes.

MatNanPlus Thu 14-Aug-08 20:40:30

Sadly she will believe her tears are very powerful, if you are upbeat and positive inside she will pick up on it, but you really need to be in a happy state as she will know if you wobble, a few good drop offs and it will be a distant memory <<hug>>

LilRedWG Thu 14-Aug-08 20:42:19

Right - I will psych myself up and be all happy and smiley in the morning, and I will be firm that I have to go but will be back and not let her tears sway me. GULP!

RubyRioja Thu 14-Aug-08 20:42:57

I also sometimes did a little job (wash fruit/sort puzzles)for the nursery so I was present but occupied. My dds toddled off to play and settled. I woudl go when she was engrosessed.

LilRedWG Thu 14-Aug-08 20:45:00

Hmmm Ruby - that's an idea. The manager asked me if I'd be prepared to go into the setting if she's not settling and just spend some time in the same room as her.

phdlife Thu 14-Aug-08 20:54:44

{{{{{{{{{{hugs for Red and cutie babyRed}}}}}}}}}}

LilRedWG Thu 14-Aug-08 21:49:30

Last desperate bump for someone to tell me that their child was like this and turned out fine after a week or two....

LilRedWG Thu 14-Aug-08 21:49:56

Thanks PHD - hugs to my boy. x

Jojay Thu 14-Aug-08 21:53:54

LilRedWG - my Ds has been going to the same childminder for 2 days a week since he was 6 momths old, and he's always loved it. He's now 21 months and went through a phase of crying when DH dropped him off, a few weeks ago.

He's fine now, we never did find out what the problem is, but it's sorted itself out.

It does happen!!!

LilRedWG Thu 14-Aug-08 22:01:39

That is just what I needed to hear JoJay (although I'm that your DS went through this).

I think it must just be a phase of being clingy, as a few of you have said. I will be smiley Mummy tomorrow and be strong until I get home - when I will drink tea, come on MN and blart.

LilRedWG Thu 14-Aug-08 22:02:45

Do any of you think that I have left it too late to put DD in nursery or have started her too early? I know - paranoid.

MatNanPlus Thu 14-Aug-08 23:00:50

No to both <<hug>>

It is common at some point especially i have found at the pre/post 2yo age.

MatNanPlus Thu 14-Aug-08 23:02:14

I would tell her KW that you are doing the library after nursery so she can mention to DD should the need arise to cheer her up.

LilRedWG Fri 15-Aug-08 08:29:11

Right - what was I worrying about again?

I did the bright and cheery Mummy this morning and didn't let her become clingy at home or nursery, but wasn't cold iykwim? I was going to take her in the car to make it quicker, but she asked to walk, so we did. About half way there she wanted the carrot out of her backpack and proudly carried it the rest of the way.

She wanted me to pick her up and carry her upstairs when we got there, which I did - but I was inwardly thinking, "Here we go again". As we walked up the stairs she started clinging a bit and I just smiled and told her that I would help her put her bag away and give her a kiss but was then going, but would be back to take her to the library later.

Her Key Worker was all smiles and DD proudly showed her the carrot. The KW then said, "Shall we go and feed the bunny?" and I said, "Mummy's got to go to MN work now, can I have a kiss please?" DD then kissed me and toddled off with her KW. Bless her little cotton socks.

Thank you for all the support last night.

OracleInaCoracle Fri 15-Aug-08 08:58:50

thats great red! ds did ths too, he became vv clingy and got upset when i left him, but he got over it pretty quickly too!

Jojay Sat 16-Aug-08 14:13:29

So glad you had a better day on Friday. Hopefully that's the end of it for now!

LilRedWG Sat 16-Aug-08 18:05:20

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