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WHINGING 4 YEAR OLD DRIVING ME CRAZY

(12 Posts)
margesimpsonmoment Wed 13-Aug-08 13:47:38

My four yo ds1 started whinging in April and has rarely stopped since (or so it seems). I think he is probably jealous of 1yo ds2 as whinging always seems to get worse whenever I need to do anything for ds2.

Feeling really bad as yesterday I told him to shut up being a whinging brat. I know this didn't help and didn't even make me feel better (especially as we were out at home of friend).

I don't know what to do. The sound of whinging is just torture to me but I tend to switch off and go into black mood rather than jolly him out of it. Help.

muffinmonster Wed 13-Aug-08 14:36:24

Not sure what form the whingeing takes, but when my DD used to get whiney I would say something like: "I can't understand what you're saying - can you say it in a normal voice?". Realising that she would be listened to if she spoke properly often got her to snap out of it.

Overmydeadbody Wed 13-Aug-08 14:38:31

Like muffinmnster, if DS ever started whining or whinging I'd just say "use a normal voice" and he would. Now he rarely whines.

Whinging really is torture isn't it? Just make him know you cannot understand him and won't respond to him until he talks normally.

hermykne Wed 13-Aug-08 14:44:25

marge can you give him 20/30mins play time with you , paint /draw/ mess with rice in a box and some toy cars, tell him he is wonderful, hes great and mummys big boy and could he help you to do a chore - pull the washing out the machine, let him feel you need him and see if the whining stops
it wont overnight but maybe after 3/4/5 days you may see an improvement all round

silvermum Wed 13-Aug-08 15:09:55

all you experienced mummies out there - how do you deal with the whingeing when the little one is only a year old?! obviously it's not verbal whingeing - more of the whining noise kind and clinging to my legs. it's torture. i can't reason with him, obviously. so??
not meaning to hijack OP...

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Wed 13-Aug-08 15:12:52

i have one of those this worked a treat.

you get a free hours trial then delete and download another. you can only download the same one once. i resorted to joining the club and buying the games in the end but the peace is worth it and its cheapest you will find them.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Wed 13-Aug-08 15:14:17

whining four year old i meant though i have a whinging one year old too <14 months> giving her an old mobile phone or anything else that is not a toy occupys her as does food. she loves to eat.

barnsleybelle Wed 13-Aug-08 15:17:53

Same as muffinmonster for me too.

I always just said calmly " i can't understand you when you talk like that ".
He soon stopped.

Overmydeadbody Wed 13-Aug-08 15:59:08

silvermum a whinging 1 yr old is usually trying to tell you something. What is it he wants? Usually with DS if he got like that he just needed a bit more attention or a cuddle or was sleepy.

barnsleybelle Wed 13-Aug-08 19:36:21

I thought the ds in the op was 4?

margesimpsonmoment Wed 13-Aug-08 20:34:15

thank you. I do tell him I can't understand him which generally leads to full scale screaming and kicking, red-faced and furious. 1yo tends to have a reasonable nap morning and afternoon so these times are dedicated to 4yo. The two of them do have lovely times together so it's not all bad.

Soemtimes 4yo finds it hard to understand that I have to treat them differently. e.g 4yo would be told off for biting while 1yo just gets a firm NO, 1yo throws food from high chair but 4yo expected not to chuck food about. Maybe that's source of the problem. 4yo also due to start school in sept and seems really excited (currently in nursery 3 days a week and says he hates it) so I wonder if he's worried about it underneath the bravado.

barnsleybelle Wed 13-Aug-08 21:41:05

I think you may be right about the school thing, it's a big step for him, especially as he knows you will be alone with the little one.

My eldest is 6 and my youngest 11 months so he was firmly established in school before the youngest arrived.

It probably is linked to a bit of jealousy, especially if when he whines he gets plenty of attention from you, even if it's just telling him off!

I think my ds found it very difficult to adjust to the fact that he didn't get all my attention anymore when dd came along. I found that because i was so busy i tended to not really notice him being good. EG. Playing quietly whilst i put dd to bed, but if he played up then i told him off. Maybe you are slipping into this not realising??

I now ensure that i praise ds all the time when he does things for himself, or helps out, or any little thing if you know what i mean? So, let's say i'm bathing dd and putting her to bed and he's playing on his nintendo. When i go downstairs i make sure i comment on how good he's been and how grown up he's acting. It's really worked.

Also, do you get any opportunities to just go out the 2 of you?? I know it's hard, but i try to make time for just the 2 of us to go somewhere or do something like the old times. They must really miss it being just them and you and i know my ds really enjoys having me all to himself.

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