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Independent play...why do I feel guilty?

(15 Posts)
Shoegazer Tue 12-Aug-08 15:54:26

DD is 2.2 and I am sat her MNing whilst she has happily sat and made creations with tissue paper and pipe cleaners next to me at the table and is now making me some "lunch" in her toy kitchen. I am talking to her and stopping for a cuddle when she wants, but she is happy and so am I, so why do I feel like I should be playing with her? Or am I actually being lazy or PFBish? Honest MN answers please!

RubyRioja Tue 12-Aug-08 15:56:24

make the most of it

sarah293 Tue 12-Aug-08 15:56:54

Message withdrawn

Miggsie Tue 12-Aug-08 15:58:06

Developing independent play is good for kids, you are helping her to become self reliant.
She is also developing confidence in her own choices and she will have mcuh better manual dexterity skills if you let her do and discover things on her own!
Kids do not need to be entertained every minute of the day, they have amazing inner resources.

But I know what you mean about the guilt!

My Dd is so self contained that once she had played upstairs all morning and I put my head round the door and asked if she was ok and she said "of course mummy, you can go now"

savoycabbage Tue 12-Aug-08 15:58:21

If you don't let her play by herself then she will turn into one of those annoying children who can never find anything to do and have to be taken out every day when they are older.

Gateau Tue 12-Aug-08 15:58:41

I would feel guilty I must admit if my DS was playing on his own while I sat on MN. If I was doing housework or something more constructive, then I wouldn't feel bad. I only go on MN when there's not much happening at work.

Gateau Tue 12-Aug-08 15:59:22

But having said that, they do need to know how to play by themselves.

ThatBigGermanPrison Tue 12-Aug-08 16:01:30

Constant adult-directed play will impede a child's social, emotional and intellectual development. It's important that she has an appropriate level of privacy to play alone - at this age it means you nearby but unengaged with what she is doing unless she wants you.

Disclaimer - this is my opinion. I am not an expert.

Shoegazer Tue 12-Aug-08 16:09:11

Thanks for the replies. Gateau I promise I did all the housework/bill paying this morning wink She has gone upstairs now and I can hear her playing with her dolls! She has always been good at playing on her own, but this is a new level for me, maybe I am not used to occupying myself smile

Oblomov Tue 12-Aug-08 16:15:53

Ds plays alone alot. Always has done. It is a gift, to me, that is.
Why the guilt ? Do you feel that you should be amusing her/playing with her every minute of every day. Has someone said that to you? Becasue that is the other end of the spectrum and is also, nigh on, unhealthy.

Shoegazer Tue 12-Aug-08 16:40:52

Oblomov - instinctually I feel that some time to amuse herself is good and that as DD is rather independent personality wise (as in as independent as you can be in the context of being 2!) that she also enjoys it. It has been said to me before that she plays on her own very well for her age and that she didn't seem clingy like a "normal 2 year old". "No mummy, I do it on my own" is her favourite phrase at the moment. To pick up on Gateau's point, I feel ok about it when she is playing and I am doing the house etc, but when all that is done and I have spent some time doing things with her too and then she is just happy to play on her own, I feel guilty if I then sit doing something like read the paper or come on here. So I suppose its not so much that I want to amuse her every moment of the day, but more that she doesn't need me to do things with her as much as I see her peers doing and so I feel like maybe I am doing something wrong.

PInkyminkyohnooo Tue 12-Aug-08 16:47:08

Children need to play independenlty. It is vital to thier development. I would be more worried if you were saying my child can't amused herself, TBH.

It's also important for your child to see you have interests of your own, too. Seeing you reading, for example, is a very good thing, IMO.

Oblomov Tue 12-Aug-08 16:49:41

Shoegazer, no its sounds like a very good balance. And I am impressed that you are ironing/cleaning/hoovering. But a tiny bit of time for yourself, to sit down and have a cup of tea. Read the paper. Or MN. Now that HAS to ALSO be part of the day. Surely ?

Acinonyx Tue 12-Aug-08 20:21:51

How fantastic I wouldn't feel guilty at all. Could you train my dd to do that? Independent play to dd is when we are more than 2 feet apart...

pudding25 Tue 12-Aug-08 21:23:20

Lucky you! Make the most of it.

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