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URGENT advice needed please - 2.5 ds and 5 yr old dd - breast cancer, chemo, terrible twos, sibling fighting and how to keep sane................................?!

(7 Posts)
huffpuff Sun 10-Aug-08 20:45:57

hi - a little background for you....

i am 34 have a 5yr old dd and 2.5 yr old ds, married to teacher, have breast cancer, currently undergoing chemo.

I am at my wits end with my this situation with my children and need advice and tips.

They are constantly fighting, ds is always aggragvating dd, they always seem to want to play with me but separately, i am really noticing the age gap at the moment. Any tips? DH is also at home atm on holiday and is being great but he needs time off and i need to rest too - i know we are all under a lot of strain but any good tips just to keep us all functioning together as i feel we are beginning to drift apart.

I only have 2 more lots of chemo left and left operation and then possible radiotherapy. I am so frustrated at having no energy and having to depend on others to help me look after my children.

DD is showing all the signs of becoming a spoilt princess, always wants what others have, never happy with what she does have, always wants what her brother has.

DS is just 2 and hard work. Aggravating, grumpy, seems to be quite destructive.... I dont want this to ruin my family


huffpuff Sun 10-Aug-08 20:57:15


oneplusone Sun 10-Aug-08 20:58:33

hi just want to say i am in a similar boat. Have DD and DS same ages as yours, I am not well at all and barely cope with getting through each day. My DC's are just like yours, constantly bickering and life is just a bit of a nightmare at the moment.

I haven't got any tips really just sympathy. The only way we get through is to pay for help ie i get my cleaner to come and mind the kids every now and then as they know and like her and she's a lovely girl. But i don't leave the house, i just go upstairs and rest for an hour while she plays with them downstairs.

pucca Sun 10-Aug-08 21:07:16

I have also got children of similar ages, i have dd who is 4.7 and ds who is just 2. They are also constantly bickerkng and fighting atm so you are certainly not alone there. Infact ds is starting to sound like the seagulls off Finding Nemo.... "mine, mine, mine!"

I think (well hope!) it will get better, plus come September it is school time for dd (and yours i presume) so they won't be together as much to get on each others nerves. smile

Very sorry to hear all you are going through atm, i can't even imagine how worn out you must feel, but concentrate on resting and getting better.

katyamum Sun 10-Aug-08 21:17:50

I'm sure it's completely normal that they are vying for your attention, it's classic that they are acting up just when you need them to 'behave'. It's like the minute you start to do something important like trying to pack, they become unbearable. And of course their ages as well.
Sometimes the one-to-one time is really important for them, so if you are both around, maybe you can do more 'big girl' things with your daughter that are relaxing for you like paint a pot, or go out for a hot chocolate, buy a magazine for her and you and chill out somewhere. Maybe your hubby can do 'boy things' like go for trips on a train/bus, make some big construction things with lego/brio. Maybe you can all go to one of these indoor climbing places and your hubby can do the hard work and you can sit and have a rest, but your kids will feel like it is good bonding time for all the family. Don't worry about your daughter being spoilt - she'll be OK. Most important for you all is that you get well. If things get hard, make the most of these friends who can help you. Give yourself a break. x

Seuss Sun 10-Aug-08 21:29:23

Hi, sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I have an 8 yr old and a 5 yr and 3yr old. The youngest two fight a lot at the moment, even fighting over what they are fighting over and who started the fight first - grrrrrrrrr! I don't have any magic solutions I'm afraid, but my general strategy is to knacker them out in the mornings with something like swimming or bike riding so we can all chill out a bit in the afternoon - could DH do something energetic with them in the mornings while he is off? It does sound like a bit of a phase they all go through with the age gap! Look after yourself and I'm sure your family will be fine.

anorak Sun 10-Aug-08 21:35:40

hello huffpuff, sorry you are having such a rough time. When I look back over the last few months a lot of it is a blur, it is only after chemo finishes and you begin to feel better that you realise just how ill it made you. So be kind to yourself and accept all offers of help, don't feel it's wrong to depend on others. My friends and relatives would have loved to help me if I had been in England, it would have made them feel better to be able to do something, as it is I was too far away and they were very frustrated.

One of the hardest lessons in life, for some types of people, is to learn to accept help gracefully. I am one of those types. I think it is a deep-seated feeling that what I can do defines my worth as a person. When I broke my ankle some years ago I discovered that sometimes the greatest gift you can give others is to let them give to you, and that my husband and family still loved me when I was unable to do anything for them.

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