what time does your one year old go to bed?

[nightowl]

on reflection (ie looking at my moaning thread earlier) im wondering about trying to get dd to bed earlier and getting more time with my son, and more time with me! what time does/did your one year old go to bed? dd usually sleeps until around 11-12. she will wake for a bottle at 8ish while im getting ds ready for school, then sleep again. in the early days i was so greatful for a bit of rest, (she didnt sleep at all at night for the first couple of weeks, i got used to waking every three hours after that for a time and then insomnia kicked in) that i would go back to bed while she slept. then later on i would stay up while she slept and try to get things done. however, time in the morning wont help me see more of ds (because he's at school!) and nor is it helping me have a bath, or relax (not when baby is going to wake up soon) id rather she woke earlier and went to bed earlier. i tried it once for a week but she was so grumpy in the day i gave up and let her lie in...now im thinking shes grumpy all the time anyway so while i want a better routine, i dont want to make her worse! any suggestions? if i keep her up at nine what time should i put her to bed? i think this would be a good thing for all three of us. i know it wont change her clingyness so the housework wont get done any better than it does now, but i know ds would be happier and hopefully i would be a lot less stressed too.

we need routine in this house! (i never thought id say that).

[ghosty]

Hi Nightowl,
Does DD go to bed at 11-12 midnight????? Wow, I don't know how you do it!!!
FWIW this is what my DD does ...
Wakes around 6.30/7am ...
Breakfast as soon as she is up and dressed, followed by a drink of milk.
We leave the house at 8.15 to take DS to school then get home around 9am.
Until recently she had a nap at 9am but she dropped that about a month ago so now we do something like playgroup, swimming, go to someone's house for morning tea, shopping blah blah.
Home again by 11.30
Lunch around 11.45
Down for her nap by 12.30 latest (she's knackered by this point so usually I put her down at 12ish)
She then sleeps for 2/2.5 hours
I get her up at 2.30pm and we dash up the road to pick up DS from school (he finishes at 3pm)
She has a drink and a biscuit or piece of fruit in the buggy on the way.
Home by 3.25
Dinner at 5pm
Bath at 6.30pm
Bottle straight after bath
Bed at 7pm (sparko by 7.15pm!)

I think it is good to get them into an early routine (7-7) as soon as you can as they have to be able to get up for school etc when they are older. I do hate getting up early in the morning but I'd rather do that than have them up all evening when I want some peace!

I sound like a routine monster don't I? And with DS I was obsessed but DD has pretty much made this her own routine ... and I like her to have a good nap while DS is at school so that I can have some time to myself.

I think that if you want to get DD into an earlier routine it will take some time as she is so used to the later times. I think the 'solve your child's sleep problems' (richard ferber) advice would be to bring her bedtime earlier bit by bit over a space of time ... like 10 minutes every 5 nights or so over a few weeks and slowly bring it forward ... rather than put her to bed at 8pm all of a sudden which she would probably complain about ......
HTH ....
Ghosty xxx

[nightowl]

no sorry i meant she wakes up around 8am for a bottle, then sleeps again until 11am or 12noon! (its late and im tired ). she goes to bed around 10pm.

[ghosty]

Meant to add,
DS (who is 5yrs old) gets time at the end of the day after DD has gone to bed because he has his bath when I am giving DD her bottle and then when she is in bed we do lego, do his reading, watch a video together, have a story or whatever. Then he goes to bed at about 8pm ... He is the nightmare sleeper in our house, wakes in the night etc and is always up and at 'em by 6am but at least we have some time to ourselves in the evening after he has gone to bed.

[ghosty]

Does she stay awake from 12noon till 10pm then?

[nightowl]

breakfast is also another problem as she refuses to eat solid before lunchtime. hence three meals are kind of evenly spaced but later in the day! three bottles also plus drinks and snacks. after she gets up properly she doesnt fall asleep very much during the day. maybe 1/2 hour in the afternoon but thats not every day. its all wrong somehow! your dd is awake for about 10 hours in all would that be right? so about the same as my dd, just in a much better routine.

[nightowl]

cross posted but yes!

[nightowl]

that meant three meals, plus three bottles, plus drinks and snacks btw! im getting myself confused now. ds goes to bed around 8.30-9pm now which is probably late for a 7 year old, im not sure but that seems ok for him. he doesnt get tired in the day but i think a bit annoyed that baby gets to stay up later!

[clairabelle]

I'm with ghosty my ds is 15m does pretty much exactly the same, up at 6ish sleep at dinnertime and fast asllep by 7.00 dd who is 5 has her bath with ds and then gets time with me story etc while dh puts ds to bed, she's asleep by 7.15.

[SeaShells]

Snap Clairabelle, 15m/o wakes 6-7am-ish, hence the reason I'm up posting this early on a sunday morning! Nap about 11-12noon, then bed at 7ish. DD has always been in a good routine but when we had DS he would not go to bed until about 10pm, think DD being in such a good routine is due to the whole family being in one, there is a general routine in the house which she has got used to, getting up to take DS to school,then going to pick him up, DP goes to work and comes in, etc, she has got to know when things happen, whereas when we had DS me and DP weren't working and had no routine for ourselves which made it difficult to set one for him, IYSWIM.

[ghosty]

Nightowl, you are probably asleep now catching up from last night so hopefully you will get this later on (when I am asleep LOL!)
I have been pondering on your problem and I think it seems that your DD is simply in a "Late Sleep Phase" as Richard Ferber would call it.
Apart from her 8am bottle she sleep about 12 or 13 hours from 10pm to 11am right?? And then has her day time (ie breakfast lunch dinner etc) from midday onwards ... so in effect normal lunchtime is in fact HER breakfast time ... would you agree?
So basically, all you need is to slowly bring those 12 hours forward till she is having a more normal daytime and normal night time.
She is probably grumpy because 10/11 hours from 11am till 10pm is an awfully long time for a young baby to be awake. You may see the sleep from after her morning bottle till 11am as a long nap but I reckon that is still her night time sleep ....
We had an upset day today because we were out at a friend's house for lunch today and DD didn't want to sleep (too much going on) ... so she missed her lunchtime nap and fell asleep in the car on the way home at 3pm (3hrs later than normal). I left her in the car in the driveway when we got home (not on the road, front door wide open, me drinking a cup of tea on the step, before anyone thinks I am a terrible mother!) and she had a total of 1hr 15 minutes (half her normal time) ... and as a result she was bloody awful for the rest of the afternoon, over tired, clingy, grumpy ... I gave her an early tea and bath and she was tucked up at 6.45pm sparko ...
I really think, reading your post that you need to introduce a nap in her long 11 hour wake time and you need to slowly bring her night time sleep forward.
I would really recommend Richard Ferber's book ... it is a bit scientific but it really explains sleep phases well.
I have never needed to use his techniques for getting DD to sleep (some people feel his is a bit too much into Controlled Crying) but I did with DS to some affect.
G xx

[HappyMumof2]

Message withdrawn

[nightowl]

thanks for posts. was feeling pretty sorry for myself last night and woke up with a nasty cold so perhaps that didnt help with how i was feeling! its right what you say ghosty, dd's day is far later than it should be. her breakfast is at dinnertime. im going to try gradually as a couple of you said but i know tomorrow is likely to be a nightmare as she has got to be up at 8.00am, i have to go out. when you put them for lunchtime nap, is this in the cot upstairs btw? do they happily go to sleep or cry a while?

[ghosty]

Hi Nightowl
My DD goes to sleep in her cot for her nap if we are at home. She has done since she was 6 weeks old.
If you want to crack this you just need to know that it will take time (a good few weeks) and remind yourself that it won't change immediately and that perhaps you need to think about what you want to change/fix and tackle each bit separately. I think your dd will kick up a fuss if you suddenly put her to bed at 7pm in her cot if she has never done that.
So ... if I were you, I would first try and introduce a nap in the middle of her daytime, say 4 o'clock ... so that she is less grumpy in the time she is awake.
That could be a time for you to get her used to sleeping in her cot.
Then after that bring her bedtime forward by 10 minutes every 5 nights or so. So, days 1-5 bedtime at 9.50pm, days 6-10 bedtime at 9.40pm, days 11-15 bedtime at 9.30pm and so on .... until she is going to bed at a more reasonable time.
She may wake in the night for a feed (because she has been used to a bottle at 8am which is in fact a nighttime feed for her) but you can tackle that bit later on if necessary.
Let us know how you get on ...
G xxx

[ghosty]

PS ... DD complains for about 2 or 3 minutes after I put her down and then she goes off to sleep (naptime and bedtime)
The longest she has ever really cried is about 10 minutes, but with me going in after a few minutes to sooth her.
I have been lucky with her.

[chocfreeclary]

nightowl, agree with others, you just (just!) need to shift it all forward.
My ds2 (22mo) wakes 6.30/7am, nap about 1-3pm (in cot, no crying) bed 7pm. My other 2 (5 and 3) keep the same hours without the nap.
It's hard to change sleep habits isn't it but I do think it will be worth it. Once yr DD starts doing playgroup etc you will need her to be up and at 'em at 9am.
As Ghosty says, try a daytime nap but most importantly bring that bedtime forward. In the end she will be waking earlier and properly awake. Be prepapred for this to take a while (like, weeks?) tho. Best of luck, Cx

[nightowl]

thanks for posts, its very helpful. think dd wont be able to not feel tired tomorrow so i thought maybe id try her in the cot for a little while whatever time she does get tired and then just shift her bedtime forward a little. do you think that will be ok for a rough start? (obviously better when we dont have to go out at that time while im still trying this out but thought i may experiment and see how well she would take to the cot in daytime?)

[jabberwocky]

Good luck nightowl. I have to admit that ds is the same as your dd. I have tried everything. But, he goes into his bed at about 9:15, lights out at 9:30, he's asleep by 10 and up again at 7:30 or 8:00 a.m.

As this is a major improvement over what he was doing in the past I have decided to live with it for a while and just be happy he isn't waking up every 2 hours anymore

[nightowl]

it went ok. she was still a grumpy baby all day but i got her up at around 9am. by 12noon she was doing her "blanket sniffing" routine, a sign of tiredness and so i put her in the cot for a nap. for the first 10 mins i thought we had it sussed but then she did have a little cry and then slept for around an hour. i put her to bed tonight at 9.45pm, once again, a little cry and then she went happily off. so fingers crossed eh!!

[Frizbe]

my dd is a 7-7.30pm girl to 6-7am girl, (just like her dad!)

[ghosty]

That's great nightowl .... do the 9am till midday then sleep then till 9.45 for a few days and then see if you can bring her bedtime earlier by 10 or 15 minutes to 9.30pm for a few nights ... keep in the midday sleep, see if you can stretch it to 2 hours ...
Eventually she may be going 9pm to 8/9am with a midday sleep and that is so much better ... and I am sure she will stop being so grumpy.
G xx

[geekgrrl]

good luck nightowl - sounds like you-re on the right track. My 14m old ds sleeps from 6:30pm-7:30 am with a 30 minute - 1 hour nap around lunchtime(he's never been much of a napper - used to drive me insane when he was younger!)

[HappyMumof2]

Message withdrawn

[elliott]

just reading this as I am interested in 14 month old's routines (see my thread!) - v much agree with ghosty, the only thing I would add is that you need to make sure that you are bringing forward the wake-up time, not just the sleep time, to re-adjust her daily routine - I think that is easier because you make sure she is appropriately tired for the new earlier bedtime.
Good luck!

[monsoongirly]

We have two little girls and we are blessed with so much luck not sure where it comes from .. our girls are 3 & 4 years now and both have always (since 12 weeeks old) gone to bed (at times even asked if its bed time yet!!) at 6pm .. and get up at 7am... :-)

[jabberwocky]