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Do you think I could base a book on my parenting philosophy - genuine query?

(15 Posts)
objectivity Thu 07-Aug-08 20:05:06

I have worked as a parenting advisor in various capacities - through charities and privately for yonks. I think I am quite successful and would like to write a book.

Thing is, I don't have a technique to sell. I'd want to write about parenting confidence and instinct parenting but it's not the same as having a formula to sell is it?

Bit like selling a diet book that says "eat a balanced diet and exercise" I fear.Am I wrong?

When I moved to France I was going to write it then - had more time on hands. But, I fled Domestic Abuse soon after so it never happened.Still want to do it.

objectivity Thu 07-Aug-08 21:14:10

No then.

beansprout Thu 07-Aug-08 21:18:44

Perhaps tell us more about it? Isn't Tanya Byron's latest based on this sort of thing?

snotbuster Thu 07-Aug-08 21:23:04

Maybe an anti-parenting formula book?
I would be glad to read something that renewed my confidence in my own instincts! Think it would be a breath of fresh air. As I'm sure you know (and advise others), there is no one size fits all method that suits every parent or every child. Might be a good thing to point this out in print.

LynetteScavo Thu 07-Aug-08 21:26:00

Instinct parenting is great if you've been brought up well.

I've always used instinct parenting. Fortunately I had a fantastic mother, but there are times my fathers parenting has come out sad

There are lots of diet books that say "eat a balanced diet and excercise" A lot of people just done't know what a balanced dieat is, or what excercise to do, so want to read it in a book

Tell us more.

TheCrackFox Thu 07-Aug-08 21:26:32

I'm sure you could write a great book but would it actually be published? Seems to me that you need to be a childless nanny who speaks out of her arse to get a publishing deal at the moment.

Harra Thu 07-Aug-08 23:51:19

People want to read that they are doing 'the right thing' - so I think your book should be a blockbuster. However just read 'They f* you up. How to survive family life' by Oliver James. He quoted big studies and research but, I thought, in a readable way. Made me think a lot.

Saying that I read loads about parenting, go on MN lots and from these have completely changed my parenting outlook. My background, 38 year old single mum to a 2 year old ds, working part time. Hugely judgemental pre having a child - now - 'your child, your choice'. (Quoted directly from another MNsnetter)

Good luck with your forthcoming block buster.

mazzystar Thu 07-Aug-08 23:55:20

What is instinct parenting then?

I'd read about it because it sounds quite a lot more sensible than having a "system"

mazzystar Thu 07-Aug-08 23:56:01

Can you write?

cyberseraphim Fri 08-Aug-08 08:23:20

Instincts vary so much though and are influenced by prior beliefs so a parent could do anything and say it is 'instinctive' Selling a child on e bay could be in response to the basic instinct to make money. I am fed up with writers who say that I must follow her instincts because she is right bla bla bla.

lizinthesticks Fri 08-Aug-08 08:56:06

"Instincts vary so much though and are influenced by prior beliefs so a parent could do anything and say it is 'instinctive' Selling a child on e bay could be in response to the basic instinct to make money. I am fed up with writers who say that I must follow her instincts because she is right bla bla bla."

Couldn't agree more. Well, I could actually. I don't even believe in instinct. Not beyond an extremely basic level, e.g. to continue breathing. There is so much cultural, social and ideological stuff that tell us what to do before we're even aware of the fact that we've been told. Or, if you like, different cultures create different "instincts."

objectivity Fri 08-Aug-08 13:42:11

Hi just reading the replies now as have been out on and about until now. This thread is proving to be quite a good brainstorm for me.

Will reply in a bit.

objectivity Fri 08-Aug-08 20:43:51

Ok, so...

Hear what is being said about instinct and bad instincts and so on...

What I'd set out to do is talk about various methods of approach giving a wide variety of 'techniques' that can be employed in dealing with behaviour and then discuss the common ground between them, which is typically things such as consistency, love and clarity (boundaries, what is ok and not ok),respect, etc.

I'd like to devote a lot of the writing to the topic of self esteem as I feel this is a vital foundation stone. What is good self esteem,what is low self worth and a bit of encouraging self analysis and experiences of self esteem building or self esteem diminishing parenting that the parent may have experienced.

Sorry,I am waffling and now appearing to have no writing skills whatsoever!

Then I'd like to set out a sort of tool kit for helping parents assess situations themselves - teaching them to 'read between the lines' and look beyond the obvious when assessing behaviour in children.

I'd conclude with matching assessments of behaviour/situations to appropriate ways of dealing with them and give lots of examples for any given situation.

I may divide into sections so that there are broad 'types' of approach that suit particular families, i.e. child centered parenting (iyswim) or family centered parenting; Parents who like strong boundaries or those who are very laid back.

It would really be about enabling par3ents to consider their own experiences and then meld these together in consideration of the type of parenting they'd like to be offering to their child and then giving a range of tools to do this.

Would also include basics such as 'if your child gets up 5 times for a drink of water it is OK to say no and enforce bedtime. (unless there is a health problem,blah blah) And, your baby doesnot need to feed30 times a night when he is 6 months old,believe it! but if you like it DO it!

That kind of thing.

Waffle over.

Is v.hard to convey here - I don't have a synopsis for this yet - is all in head and all over the place!

theauthor Sat 09-Aug-08 21:53:58

Hi. I'm a parenting writer so might be able to help.
As I think you already realise, if this is to be a runner you need to make your proposition and philosophy crystal clear.
It's just like preparing a business plan really - you need to know who your market is, why they will buy your book, your USP, the competition etc.
It is tough to get a publishing deal and frankly unless you do have a bestseller it is not the key to riches and glory!

Janni Sat 09-Aug-08 22:12:05

I think the shelves are groaning already - I honestly think everything there is to say about parenting has been written in one book or another and that what's most helpful is this sort of forum where the debate is live. I read parenting books till they were coming out of my ears with my first child, but if I'd had mumsnet I know it would have been FAR more useful. Sorry, that doesn't help YOU in your quest, but I genuinely think
the world does not need another parenting book...

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