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I need to hear from other people whose children don't (or didn't) go to nursery or preschool or playschool or kindergarten or anything like that. Am feeling a bit of a fraek.

(34 Posts)
broccolispears Wed 06-Aug-08 15:53:46

Rationally I know that dd is not the only 2-year-old in the world who doesn't ever go to any of these things, but it would be really comforting to hear from you because all I seem to be hearing at the moment is how brilliant nursery is for their development and how important it is for them to learn independance and I'm feeling a bit inadequate for not sending her.

NorthernLurker Wed 06-Aug-08 15:58:12

Dd1 didn't go to playgroup until she was nearly 3 and even then it was only 1 session a week. She had been doing about 2 hours a day 4 days a week at nursery but that was because I worked from 4pm. I had lots of friends whose children seemed to be at playgroup continually and one friend in particular all but accused me of child negelct because I didn't send my dd2 to one particular playgroup - attended my many of the children she would be going to school with. Ignore the doomsayers - your child, your time, your decisions. I'm sure you are raising an articulate and independant child.

ScottishMummy Wed 06-Aug-08 15:58:53

Yes SAHM is brilliant and nursery/CM also brilliant if that is what you decide

no child is disadvantaged going CM?nursery (despite what some zealots on MN argue)

No child is disadvantaged SAHM fun and time

neither option will mean child
climb mt Everest sooner
or play cello at 3
or turn out better

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Wed 06-Aug-08 16:01:54

My children weren't going to playschool as I feel they go to school too young as it is. However, DH didn't go to play school and the shock of school he can still remember.

DS1 went to playschool and had a lovely time.
DD went to the same place and had an awful time. Moved to nursery and she liked it there.
DS2 is starting playschool in Sept and this time it is more for him to spend time with other children as I have no friends and therefore there are no other children for him to play with.

You do what feels right for you and your family. You don't have to justify your decisions to anyone and I am sure when your child does go to school, they will be just as settled in as the other kids within a few weeks.

cthea Wed 06-Aug-08 16:02:45

Broccoli - I don't think any child needs nursery or the like. Having said that, when my DD1 turned 3 she didn't have anyone to invite for a birthday party. Frankly, I felt very sad for her. She had just got to the stage where she understood about b'day parties, then had no-one for herself. That's not a good enough reason to have sent her to nursery for years on end but I can tell you that at the time it was very sad for me.

ScottishMummy Wed 06-Aug-08 16:02:49

spare a thought for us working mums who regularly get a MN kicking for using childcare. zealots and report spouting doom sayers who allege


because of nursery

so sometimes you cant win

cthea Wed 06-Aug-08 16:03:30

BTW, she had been at nursery for a while but I'd taken her out for financial reasons and by the time of her b'day she had no friends.

chelsygirl Wed 06-Aug-08 16:04:29

mine didn't go to nursey until they got the free place at age 3, I think if they were asked they quite liked it but would rather have stayed home with me

TBH I don't agree with sending kids younger than 3 to nursery, i think its the parents who benefit not the kids (I've worked in childcare)

You've got to do whats right for you in the end

broccolispears Wed 06-Aug-08 16:07:38

But if the norm is for children to go to nursery, logically she will be out of step with her peers when she starts and thus disadvantaged?

I think she would probably enjoy it if she went but
(a) We can't afford it
(b) She's only 2. To me she is still a baby and I'm not ready to send her away from me for the day yet.

I wish the norm was for none of them to go until 4ish.

ScottishMummy Wed 06-Aug-08 16:08:58

gosh didnt take long for someone to start about children attending nursery @11mins.hohum.

all those neglected children
selfish absent parents

oh gosh you forgot to say Precious moments

brimfull Wed 06-Aug-08 16:11:16

I didn't send my ds until 3,he was fine at hoome with me and regular mum and toddler groups until then.
By 3 he was ready for playgroup and loved it.

Dd went earlier 2yr 9 becasue she was ready for it-

tis an individual thing,worth trying I think as most kids love it at some stage ecasue it's fun

norkmaiden Wed 06-Aug-08 16:12:26

well why not wait until she's 3 and then take up a couple of playgroup sessions - they're only 2.5-3 hours.

cthea Wed 06-Aug-08 16:12:47

"But if the norm is for children to go to nursery" It's not a "norm", it's just what some parents need to do to go to work/the gym/see granny, whatever. Noone's forcing you to send her to nursery, it's OK not to. She'd probably enjoy it, though, even if you wouldn't

Mercy Wed 06-Aug-08 16:12:57

My ds didn't go to anything until he was 3.7 (not even toddler group as he didn't like it)

Dd was younger but she has a different temperament altogether.

I can't believe it's the norm for 2 year olds unless you WOTH or are a carer or unwell or similar.

norkmaiden Wed 06-Aug-08 16:14:28

(meant in answer to your last post BS - ie it'll be free and just short sessions)

TinySocks Wed 06-Aug-08 16:16:53

Everybody is different, but I agree with you broccoli, I think 2 is too young. I take my 18 month old to playgroups (parents+kids) and it is great, he gets to play and I get to chat. He has made some little friends from there.
I think I will send him to nursery at 3.

MissKubelik Wed 06-Aug-08 16:18:14

My DD is 3.4 and hasn't yet been to any nursery/playschool/whatever. She is absolutely fine! Very sociable, independent, not at all clingy - quite shy around strange grown-ups and not so great at sharing her toys, but I know several children who have been to nursery regularly from a young age who are the same.

I know what you mean about being made to feel that all your child's shortcomings are due to not attending nursery. DD went through a tantrummy phase recently and various people said to me that a few sessions at pre-school will solve it - as if no child who attends regular group childcare sessions ever has a tantrum.... Incidentally, DD has improved a lot recently all by herself.

DD has a place to start playschool for three sessions a week from September - I think she will love it and will give her a chance to make some friends of her own. If she doesn't like it, then I will take her out.

ScottishMummy Wed 06-Aug-08 16:20:36

bs you started a thread for support, i gave that and CG came straight back with nursery bad mantra

yet you say having your decision questioned made you feel "inadequate" but couldn't restrain self from criticising nursery

i try avoid such jaded tiresome threads frankly

had i known this was another have a go at nursery i would not have replied.

i know now

escape Wed 06-Aug-08 16:21:16

BS - are you still coming to Dubai

cthea Wed 06-Aug-08 16:22:04

TinySocks - how has your 18 months old made friends? I thought they still played largely in parallel at this age. I've taken my DD1 to a playgroup on a regular basis (twice a week, more or less the same children). She still hasn't made any friends.

Twiglett Wed 06-Aug-08 16:23:19

I chose only to send my children to nursery when they hit the required 3 to 3.5 and were eligible for pre-school

3 is early enough

we did do playgroups and friends though

(oh except for DS who was full-time childminded from 6 months to 17 months and then one day a week cm until 3)

broccolispears Wed 06-Aug-08 16:28:00

Sorry ScottishMummy - am struggling to see where I've criticised nursery. Tell me where you mean.

Escape. Indeed we are. I understand Dubai nurseries are pretty good, but expensive - is that right?

broccolispears Wed 06-Aug-08 16:30:26

We do lots of playgroups and socialising. The only bit she doesn't get is time away from me (and I mean she really doesn't get this as we have no family in the area. She is always with me, her father or both of us.)

I can't decide whether I think it's important for her to have this. My instinct is not, but I can see that I'm out of step with all of my friends on the issue, so perhaps I'm wrong?

cthea Wed 06-Aug-08 16:36:13

You're not wrong. It sounds like you don't leave her alone because the opportunity doesn't arise rather than from a mad, over-protective, ideological stance.

OTOH do you never go anywhere at all? Hairdresser, evenings out with friends?

ScottishMummy Wed 06-Aug-08 16:39:21

BS 16.07pm"I wish the norm was for none of them to go until 4ish".not a ringing endorsement then, not even neutral

so clearly no advocate of nursery provision (least not until 4)

i genuinely believe parents should do what they want to do.i get exasperated at insidious comments about nursery

nothing further to add to the thread

Oh PS i know lots about Dubai nurseries too

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