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help with 'other' nanna...

(6 Posts)
1down2togo Wed 06-Aug-08 14:27:02

My mum lives with me, my husband and our 2yr old son. His other nanna never visited when we lived across town (though she passed everyday to visit family)

We have moved and now live 5 - 10 mins walk away from her house, but still she doesn't visit. We go to visit her for a couple of hours every other weekend. Last visit she suggested coming to take our son for a walk

She turned up just after he'd woken from his nap, and wanted to take him straight out. She stepped into the house while i got his bag together and put his shoes on, but barely talked to him. She never makes an effort to engage him or give him a cuddle.angry

Then he refused to go with her, and she made a comment about it being because he's just with me and my mum all the time (masked with a weak smile). My mum felt guilty at that and went into the kitchen.

Just feeling a bit cross that she doesn't make more of an effort, and then turns up, cos he wouldnt go she then just goes home, didnt stay to spend time with him.

Gateau Wed 06-Aug-08 14:37:35

YANBU.
What does she expect? Sounds like a 'duty' thing on her part.
maybe she'll realise love and affection doesn't come easy; you have to earn it.

katiepotatie Wed 06-Aug-08 14:42:47

YANBU - She sounds like my MIL, she can't understand why our LO says nana and not grandma (coz she never see's grandma!!!! FFS) angry

1down2togo Wed 06-Aug-08 15:11:39

i know not everyone is maternal, but the only reason my son gets a kiss goodbye is cos i started it with him from being about 6mths old.

she has 5 kids and ours is the youngest of 11 grnadchildren. I was raised in a very open / tactile family, and their family never kiss, cuddle, use terms of endearment.

Just find it very strange lol.

Elf Wed 06-Aug-08 17:28:24

I feel for you, however, I feel sorry for your DS too and hope you won't ever feel forced into making him spend time with this woman when he isn't happy about it. She sounds like a PITA!

1down2togo Wed 06-Aug-08 19:18:17

pmsl@ELF

thankyou, and no i won't. i felt bad for a while because he didn't want to go with her, but since i've sat back and read the replies i've realised this is her loss and her problem.

Just because he didn't want to go with her, she could've stayed here and played with him, spent some time with him to improve their relationship..

I invited her to stay, offered her a cuppa, but instead she said she wouldn't stop and would go home and try another time.

He is 26mths old, she can't expect his behaviour towards her to improve unless she puts in some time and effort with him.

I felt for my mum because she felt guilty and bad for my MIL, but our DS has her here all the time, she's like a surrogate mum to him, of course he's going to run to her as much as me when he feels uncomfortable. She shouldn't be made to feel guilty about that.

Thanks for all your replies x

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