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It seems I am not going to have any more children so...better get used to having an only child, tips please

(47 Posts)
Pruners Thu 31-Jul-08 21:17:05

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hester Thu 31-Jul-08 21:22:06

No advice, Pruners, just sympathy. My dd is rising 3 and will likely be an only. I would have loved another. I'd be really interested in the posts you get on this.

Soapbox Thu 31-Jul-08 21:23:50

Pruners no advice from me, but just wanted to say how sorry I am that much wanted 2nd baby doesn't seem likely - that is a bummer

I hope you find some way to come to peace with it all

lizinthesticks Thu 31-Jul-08 21:25:17

I was an only one. Didn't bother me. Occasionally wanted to have either an older or younger sister/brother. You can't really miss what you never had. Trite, but no less true really.

Plus just look at all the threads on jealousy. These only ones think they want a younger brother or sister but by god, I bet a lot of them would bloody well regret it (if only in the short-to-medium term).

Heathcliffscathy Thu 31-Jul-08 21:25:56


remember a comedian can't remember who talking about 'having a baby FOR the sibling is like having another wife FOR your first wife' i guess that is sort of how it feels for the first child to be ousted.

know that it is all about how you manage having an only child.

your awareness of the pressure can be will mitigate it.

and get a dog!!!!

Heathcliffscathy Thu 31-Jul-08 21:26:44

of WHAT the pressure can be obv

FrannyandZooey Thu 31-Jul-08 21:27:10

ditto Pruni
just wanted to say had read this and was thinking about you

Pruners Thu 31-Jul-08 21:28:29

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GordonBrownKickingHisHeels Thu 31-Jul-08 21:28:54

come and spend the afternoon on the beach!

nell12 Thu 31-Jul-08 21:32:39

We were told that ds would be an only one
We coped by making sure that our ds got the best we could possibly afford... not in spoiling him, but by doing things for him that we would not have managed/ afforded if we had more children (weekends away, sporting events, clubs etc)

We have a dog as well!

catinthehat Thu 31-Jul-08 21:32:41

This may be worth a look at some point

expatinscotland Thu 31-Jul-08 21:33:48

I recommend a weekend getaway to our neck of the woods :

A most excellent pub and restaurant with garden and a great view otterferry

Not much to do besides just relax and enjoy.

thehouseofmirth Thu 31-Jul-08 21:36:21

I'm sorry to hear that Pruners. I'm an only child and loved it - as a child I think there were the obvious advantages of my parents' undivided attention and more money for treats etc. My parents bought me a puppy for my 5th birthday who became the "sister I never had", made sure I had lots of friends and always invited one of my friends or cousins on holiday. Giving him space is also important as it can be a high pressure relationship with no one else to deflect attention. Butit soudns liek youa re very sensitive to the stuation and will be fine.

What was really hard was when both my parents died when I was at university and I had no one to share the emotional and practical fall out with. So I guess making your son a central part of his wider family if you can would help that. Mine were pretty useless and without the glue of my mum to keep us together we quickly lost touch.

Pruners Thu 31-Jul-08 21:36:30

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Elmosgirl Thu 31-Jul-08 21:37:38

I am not an only....but there is 10 years between me and my younger half sister (same mum) so grew up as one.

I don't know what advice you are after so don't know what to say, I was happy being an only, the only thing I really felt like I missed out on (at the time) was playing board games, I loved them but never had anybody to play them with.

My mum tried to mix me in with Brownies and I had plenty of school friends etc...but actually I was really quite happy on my own and being with the adults in the family.

I definitely don't think my childhood was negatively affected by not having a sibling during the first 10 years of my life.

eandh Thu 31-Jul-08 21:37:45

my very good mate is in this situation, they decided when ds was 5 to dtop trying. They have a dog wink and ds has confided a many a thing to that dog.

Her ds is almost 10 and doenst even ask about siblings, shes always be honest that she would have liked to have anotehr baby but after 9 m/c and a very medical pg with him that it was unlikely. He spends lots of time with his cousins and they can afford to let him to extra activites (horse riding, golf lessons etc) I think she worries about when they are not around for him but knows he'll be okay

mrspnut Thu 31-Jul-08 21:38:28

Our DD1 was an only and was going to be that way until I fell pregnant with DD2. There is 9 1/2 years between the 2 of them and whilst it isn't ideal it is working.

Whilst DD1 was an only we made sure that she could hold her own in any situation. She's now very self assured, can make friends where ever we go and is happy talking to adults. I do run a bit of an open house where friends are always welcome and as long as they are happy to fit into what we have planned then they can come over.

I have taken friends of DD1's along to doctors, dentist and other appointments because they've happened to be here. I suppose it's because we have treated friends like another member of the family.

Bowddee Thu 31-Jul-08 21:38:32

Pruners, a slightly different angle for you. Both my brother and I hated the fact that we have a sibling. We don't hate each other, quite the opposite, but we're both a bit f*ed up in the head because of it. DH also has issues/ishoos.
DS will be an only one.

PotPourri Thu 31-Jul-08 21:39:15

A pet could help. And are there any cousins you can link him in with more closely?

I know a few only children, and they are fine. I think the main thing I have noticed is not being as used to sharing (space, things,decisions etc), but giving plenty of chances to spend time with others and to share should help that.

And although it is lovely to have siblings, being the only one means you are really special, and good enough to be the only one.

Perhaps off the wall, but have you considered fostering??

Pruners Thu 31-Jul-08 21:41:41

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Pruners Thu 31-Jul-08 21:42:40

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Twiglett Thu 31-Jul-08 21:49:32

Pruners .. you allow yourself to grieve for what might have been and then you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get on with it day by day

because like all things with childrearing it all comes gradually in little bits and nothing is insurmountable because it will just be normal life to all of you and it will be the best life you can make it

you are just afraid of the future .. but the future is so abstract that's daft

it will be fine

you will make it fine and you will know exactly what to do and say when and if the time comes .. and if you don't just tell him to 'ask his father' grin

Bowddee Thu 31-Jul-08 21:50:08

Sorry to who? DS? For not giving him another brother or sister?
DS has asked about having a baby brother or sister. He has been given various answers.
"No dear, Mummy doesn't want another child",
"Not unless Hell freezes over".
You don't need to apologise to him for it, that will make him think he's missing out on something. It's just the way it is.
Does that make ant sense at all?

cmotdibbler Thu 31-Jul-08 21:51:11

My DS will be an only. No cousins close in age (youngest is 9 years older, oldest is 15 years).
One couple who are close to us have a DD who will be an only (and no cousins at all), and see them for the weekend once a month, and they love doing the fun things that sibs do like having a bath together, cuddling up on the sofa drinking milk and having a story and flicking food... We hope to continue this as they grow up so they get to do that sort of thing.

I never got on with my brother, and he is zero help with my parents, so that side of things doesn't bother me at all.

Bowddee Thu 31-Jul-08 21:51:19

Or even 'any sense'. (I know nothing about ants)

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