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Going from co-sleeping to cot-sleeping! Trouble!!

(9 Posts)
waiting4bambino Wed 30-Jul-08 14:15:04

I was warned!! Lots of my friends said never to co-sleep as the baby wouldnt go into the cot!! However, i asked a lot of you on here, and got some really positive replies, so have enjoyed many blissful nights of all 3 of us sleeping!! However, my dd has now started getting bigger, thrashing about and kicking, and its keeping us awake!! Have decided to put her into the cot etc, she starts off there around 830pm, after her feed, then when i go to bed, i put her monitor on and the fun begins!! I'm back and forth all the time, there are periods of sleep for both of us, but i'm always startled out of sleep by her cries! Rarely, i can soothe her in the cot and she'll go back off, but most of the time have to get her out and rock her a while, and usually, as soon as i put her back down, she miraculously becomes awake the minute her head touches the cot!! After 4 or 5 hours of this i usually resort to her being in our bed again!! Any tips?!!

BigBabyBoys Wed 30-Jul-08 15:15:37

We were in this exact situation a few months ago, and the only thing that worked for us was controlled crying.

My ds was 12mo when we tried this (not sure how old your dd is). I wasn't keen on the idea at first but it was the best thing we ever did! I think we were extremely lucky though as it worked from the first night, we only had 15mins of crying!

Also found ds settled a lot quicker if dh went in when he cried, as he associated me with feeding and had been helping himself when we were co-sleeping so was just waking out of habit. (Not sure if this is useful if your dd is formula fed though.)

I know controlled crying isn't for everyone, but it really worked for us. My only regret is that I didn't try it sooner!

Good luck with your dd!

francesrivis Wed 30-Jul-08 16:08:45

I do sympathise as I had exactly this with my DD. Pickup/put down worked a treat for getting her to settle in the cot initially, but did not seem to work for the night wakings. I suppose they have been so used to have us close when they wake in the night and feeding as often as they want that it's hard for them to make the change.

Are you bfing her when she wakes? What I did with my DD was to gradually lengthen the intervals between bfs, and just try to sooth her in between with patting etc. (but not getting her out of the cot). Then when she was 6mths I have to admit I got a bit desperate from the lack of sleep and made the decision that I was not going to bf her at night any more - when she woke I offered her a bottle of diluted EBM instead. She was not impressed by this, and after two nights she slept through and has done so more or less ever since.

Hope some of this helps, and good luck!

francesrivis Wed 30-Jul-08 16:08:45

I do sympathise as I had exactly this with my DD. Pickup/put down worked a treat for getting her to settle in the cot initially, but did not seem to work for the night wakings. I suppose they have been so used to have us close when they wake in the night and feeding as often as they want that it's hard for them to make the change.

Are you bfing her when she wakes? What I did with my DD was to gradually lengthen the intervals between bfs, and just try to sooth her in between with patting etc. (but not getting her out of the cot). Then when she was 6mths I have to admit I got a bit desperate from the lack of sleep and made the decision that I was not going to bf her at night any more - when she woke I offered her a bottle of diluted EBM instead. She was not impressed by this, and after two nights she slept through and has done so more or less ever since.

Hope some of this helps, and good luck!

gingerninja Wed 30-Jul-08 16:14:49

How old is your DD? Mine settled down on her own once I put her in a bed (at 12 months) and I'd just lay with her and get up and leave when she was asleep so she never came into our bed.

Alternatively, put a bed rail on your bed so she sleeps outside and you and DH can sleep a bit further away.

Sorry for the shortness of response. I'm ill. But just wanted to let you know it's not always bad news and even if she slept now there is no telling that she would tomorrow. Some babies are sleepless little buggers and you do what you need to to get through it.

MatildaM Wed 30-Jul-08 17:14:32

Co-sleeping means everyone actually sleeps ,(although not sure about 3 in a bed),and when mine were little I'd do anything to get sleep. True it's hard to move them out, then when you do succeed, as soon as the child is ill they end up back in your bed.
My DH was always happy to get an uninterrupted night (or 7) in the spare room.
My 10 year old still has the odd night with me.

waiting4bambino Thu 31-Jul-08 06:38:47

Thanks for all your responses. In answer to your questions, my dd is only almost 6 mths. I don't breast feed, it didnt work out for me, so she has been formula fed since we came home from hospital etc.
What is happening is this - she has trouble going off to sleep of her own accord, so since she was tiny, I have rocked her until she goes! This is getting harder as she gets heavier!! She was already 9lb 7 when born!!
Anyway, she has naps in the day in her cot, ranging from half an hour to an hour. Then when it comes to the evening, it seems that throughout the night, she seems to wake every quarter of an hour!
Last night, she was in the cot asleep from 645pm until 8pm, when she had her last feed (i've tried to make this feed later but it doesnt always work out that way!), then I could see she was getting tired again around 930, so rocked her etc, and put her down in the cot around 10pm. Got into bed myself, 10 mins later, back up as she was crying. I'm not really keen on the idea of controlled crying - i tried it once and only lasted 5 mins and she was in a terrible state - i promised i'd never do it to her again!! Once she was settled, i continued to go back to bed, to get up again every 10 mins until she finally went to sleep around 1145. Amazingly enough, she then slept until 2am, when she woke for her feed. I was able to put her back down after this at 230, and she woke again at 430 and i brought her into our bed. We usually get up around 530 anyway as that is when she is wide awake!! So in all, it doesnt sound that bad really, its just i'm falling asleep continually during those times when i'm up every time in the night, and i hope these decrease as time goes on!

gingerninja Thu 31-Jul-08 09:25:54

Oh she's still tiny. FWIW I don't think babies develop a deeper sleeping habit until much later so I don't think you need to blame yourself so much.

When you say she wakes every 15 mins does she fully wake or is she just moving through her sleep cycle? Can you leave her a minute see what happens and then respond? Sometimes my DD cries out in her sleep but isn't actually awake.

Also, I'm assuming you've checked that she isn't hot / cold / teething / hungry? What about giving her a bottle before you go to bed and see if that settles her? My DD didn't drop night feeds until about 8 months.

Just for some reassurance, it will get better. Time is a great healer when it comes to sleep. I was in your situation at 6 months too and it was worse when we tried to move her into her own room because I was physically up and down all night and that is just too much so we co-slept for a bit longer and then when she started to climb I got a roll out matress that I kept under her cot and I'd lay on that with her at night and once she was asleep, transfer her to her cot. (Then leave it there are put her on there with me when she woke in the night. Then the cot became a problem because she bashed herself on the side waking herself so we'd just leave her on the matress. She started sleeping longer and longer stretches on her own until she did eventually start sleeping through.

She's still not perfect by any means but it's much more manageable. Now she has her own double bed and I go and get in with her when she wakes.

For all those people telling you not to do it, remember it is your choice. You don't have to do CC if you're not comfortable with it. This way is not a quick fix but I found acceptance of it rather than trying to fight it half of the battle. It's very hard when you have a baby that doesn't sleep and you really do what you have to to survive.

Good luck to you.

bonnibaby Thu 31-Jul-08 21:11:32

I have just had this with DD 8 mths.
I loved co sleeping but unfortunately DH did not!
We moved the cot to right beside my side of the bed ,normal cot not a bedside one and DD has settled brill in it cos she can see me if she wakes.
I lie with her til she drops off then stay for half an hour to make sure.
She has settled really well and we have had 5 nights so far of sleeping through til 6 ish.
Touch wood it lasts!
CC is no good for us as she wakes DS aged 2 and then all hell breaks loose!

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