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confidence as a mum shattered in a week

(35 Posts)
bubbly1973 Wed 09-Feb-05 16:29:23

has anyone else felt like this, or am i the only one

i am feeling down and now feel like there was a reason why i couldnt conceive naturally, even though i conceived through fertility treatment, i now feel like someone up there is trying to say i couldnt get pregnant because i am not capable of looking after my boy

he is 2years7mths old..and in a space of a week 4 incidents have happened that have left me feeling very bad

first was when i was shutting my door i jammed his finger in it badly
second was on sunday night, it was dark in the room and i poked his eye with my nail, i swear i heard/felt the squelch
and this is the bit that still gets me all knotted up and i feel annoyed at myself for being so stupid..
i was helping nextdoor with her sons party and ds was happily playing away, i kept checking him, then when i went to check again he wasnt there, he had gone into the garden (the door was open) round to the side, and was on his way out!! its a busy road, if he had gone through the front garden and out..well i dread to think..luckily i got to him in time
then last night, just before bedtime i was having a game of football with him and he went to pick it up and really bashed his head by the eyebrow really hard, i can still hear the noise of it now, he got a black eye today and its swollen.
rang nhs helpline they were great, took him to mil's house to get 2nd opinion on eye, he didnt go to bed til 9..

so you see im feeling very down, keep thinking of 'what if he ran right out' and i was just wondering if im the only mother who feels like not being capable of looking after a child...

in toddler group, im sure if i mentioned it, not many mothers will admit to anything bad that they have done in fear of looking like bad mums on here people open up

i always lurk these boards and the advice or experience you share with each other is fantastic, so am turning to you

if you have read this far, thanks,..maybe im going through a bad week and its unfortunate this has happened in a space of 7 days...i love my boy very much, and just want to be a good mum and keep him safe

beansprout Wed 09-Feb-05 16:34:01

Hey you, please stop giving yourself such a hard time. All of these things were accidents - please note the key word in that sentence. It is bad luck that you have had a spate of them in a short space of time, but it does NOT make you a bad parent - these things just happen.

"What if" is horrible and will not get any more useful the more you dwell on it. Please don't. Please forgive yourself and carry on being such a loving mum to your lovely son.

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Wed 09-Feb-05 16:34:18

Honey you are a good mum. Blimey, the amount of accidents and might've beens in our household. Sometimes it just goes like that. You wait until he wants to play rugby There is no doubt in my mind that you are a good mum. The fact that you are so concerned about what's happened shows that. Now, listen darling we all go through times of doubt (even those of us with large families). It's part and parcel of motherhood. It stops us from being totally complacent and unaware of our children. Wipe your hands of this past week. Think about all the wonderful things that happen and that you do. It's a lifetime journey, believe me, no-one gets there unscathed. hth

beachyhead Wed 09-Feb-05 16:36:04

I think you are just having a very bad week and its all happened at once.....you need eyes in the back of your head sometimes.

Hopefully because you've thought about it so much, you'll be over cautious for a while and then you'll start to feel better.

I'm sure all these things have happened to others, I've had the thumb in the door, lost in IKEA, scratched by my nails etc, but you were unlucky enough to get them all in one go......

Mum2girls Wed 09-Feb-05 16:36:30

Bubbly - I'm sorry you're feeling down - my first thought was how much you must love DS - you set aside time to write a long and detailed post about some things that are just plain accidents and have definitely happened to all of us at some time or other.

Sounds like regular parenthood to me (although it does sound like you've had more than your fair share this week).

We're parents, not perfect human beings - we make mistakes, we make errors of judgement but we all do our best with the resources time and money we've got.

Please don't beat yourself up - you sound like a wonderful mummy to me - nothing you did in any of these incidents was intentional - stuff just happens.

Motherhood is a mix - love and guilt.

Flossam Wed 09-Feb-05 16:37:02

I think from what people have told me it happens to everyone. A few weeks ago DS had his first cold so I was carrying him round in a front carrier as it was the only way to settle him. In that I managed to bang and give him a little cut on his head shutting the kithen cupboard door. Later on in the day I had started coming down with the cold myself. I put him in his basket on his stand, stood next to him and settled him for a few minutes then walked to the other end of the flat in the lounge to turn the baby monitor on. I heard a thud and thought it was upstairs, then he started crying...you guessed it, went into the bedroom and the basket was upturned on the bedroom floor with DS under it. I still to this day have no idea how it happened, as I said i was with him for a few minutes in it. He was fine, but it was horrible and I felt as you do and he wasn't even walking or able to do things to himself! So what I am trying to say is that this in no way makes you a bad mum. I'm sure your DS dosen't think so and nor do I!

amynnixmum Wed 09-Feb-05 16:40:07

Bubbly,
If you were a bad mum you would not be posting about being so worried. What has happened to you this week is horrible but we all feel like this sometimes. Loads of stuff has happened with both of my children, only difference is that I didn't have to go through it all in one week. Poor you{{{hugs}}}. If other mums don't admit to having been in similar situations I can guarantee you that most of them are lying and the one's that haven't are very lucky. My ds used to bash his head all the time. One holiday we were on he banged his head and got a new bruise every time he walked passed the dining table in the caravan

lucy5 Wed 09-Feb-05 16:40:46

We all have weeks like this, dont be too hard on yourself. My buggy collapsed in the middle of a main road once and I fellon it and dd, got up paniced and did it again. Luckily was taken in sobbing by friendly estate agent, blood everywhere, I thought I'd killed her. luckily she had just bitten her lip. Went home to phone dh and dropped the phone on her head. Shes 4 now and in one piece. You are probably tired and a bit clumsy, i always was and if you add hormones into the pot its a bloody nightmare. Keep you chin up, next week will be better, unfortunately being a mum constantly knocks your confidence, I think its part of the job but you get less self doubting as the years go on. Keep your chin up.

macwoozy Wed 09-Feb-05 16:41:55

Absolutely agree with what everyone has said, you sound like a great mum, and you shouldn't be giving yourself such a hard time. I've had numerous "what ifs" in my time as a parent, you are certainly not the only one.

Blu Wed 09-Feb-05 16:42:19

ooh, Bubbly, you poor thing - what a horrible few days. I'm not surprised you feel down - but please don't feel bad.
Anyone reads your post without a shiver of recognition down their back, or thinking 'there but for the grace of god go I' is living a lie!
We all have accidents and things that spark a 'what if' horror - but daily, hourly and every minute you perform little jobs that keep your DD alive, happy, self-confident, healthy -so i think as a parent, the balance is pretty much in favour of the fact that you are a good one!

bubbly1973 Wed 09-Feb-05 16:49:52

wow, i cant believe how quickly you good people have posted back, i am so grateful to each and every one of these messages,

this almost sounds bad, but reading other mums mishaps makes me feel better as i feel im not the only one it has happened to..although sorry that its happened to you too iykwim

my ds is over with his grandparents all day and he will be home soon and now im looking forward to him coming home...before posting on here, i have to admit i been dreading him coming home, sort of 'he is safe there'

i will remember everything you have told me, and when i feel down tonight, will re-read these posts and remind myself that im not the only one

thank you so much, unloading all this really does help so thank you
xxx

Skribble Wed 09-Feb-05 16:53:58

We all have accidents and incidedents it just seems that you've had a lot all at once.

I managed to tip buggy up going out front door DD landed on head on to a brick I had left lying beside door. Blood everywhere, ambulance man was one of the dads from school and I was mortified that living room was so messy and full of boxes and washing that DD had to be checked out in kitchen (not much better) .

We all feel like failures sometimes but at the end of the day you love your children and do the best you can .

redsky Wed 09-Feb-05 17:40:40

Hi bubbly - don't beat yourself up over these accidents. I could tell you some horror stories of how I've let my children down over the years. Just keep on loving him, as you obviously do, and no-one can ask any more of you. It's tough being a parent sometimes isn't it? That's why I love mumsnet - it has made me realise my worries are the same as everyone else's. I just wish I had had MN years ago. My 'children' are aged 17 and 12.

nightowl Thu 10-Feb-05 04:06:25

accidents all seem to come at once. ds once had four in the space of six weeks

it happens to us all.

jabberwocky Thu 10-Feb-05 04:15:22

Ds had the worst black eye imaginable when he was only 9 months old. I felt terrible. He reached up and pulled a plastic jug of water off the table (only bottled water for my precious ) so, it just happens...some days, weeks are better - or worse - than others. Some day please remind me that I said this

wordsmith Thu 10-Feb-05 06:33:45

H Bubbly, you sound just like a normal mum to me. I'm very clumsy (so DH keeps telling me) and am always inadvertently poking/bruising/scratching DS2. People see him in his pushchair and give that 'simultaneously sympathetic and accusing' look. If I do it to DS1 he yells out at the top of his voice "Hey!!!! Mummy!!!! You really really really hurt me!!!!" Very embarassing in the supermarket.

FairyMum Thu 10-Feb-05 07:12:22

Poor you, but this happens to all us, you have just had more of your fair share in 1 week. Most of us have got stories like yours, but it doesn't make us bad parents, just a bit accident-prone!

bubbly1973 Thu 10-Feb-05 09:53:45

wordsmith, i know what you mean about that accusing look, ds still has a black eye and is still a little swollen, and in a minute i am going to toddler group, kind of dreading it if mums give me 'that' look!!

however in saying that, should i falter and start to lose confidence in being a good mum i am armed with all your messages in mind so will go remembering it happens to us all

thanks

Hausfrau Thu 10-Feb-05 09:57:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kelly1978 Thu 10-Feb-05 10:31:31

I think it is your son's age. I have a ds exactly the same age, and in playgroup yest he was in full kamikaze mode. He shut his finger in a toilet door, jumped up and cracked his head on an overhanging counter and then went backwards over a chair. This was within the space of 90 minutes! Two of the accidents I saw happen, but other than follow them around non stop there is little that can be done to stop active kids bumping themselves.
I've had the evil looks too, the number of dirty looks I got when dd sliced her nose at 2years old was unbelievable. It had to be glued back in position and looked awful. At the end of the day 2 year olds are just accident prone and short of wrappign them in cotton wool there is nothing that you can do about it! They soon learn to calm down a bit.

Pidge Thu 10-Feb-05 10:42:38

I recently shut my dd's finger in the car door , and last night I sort of threw her on the bed to get her changed and bashed her head on the wall. These things happen. And this age when they're just gaining some independence is particularly fraught.

Mirage Thu 10-Feb-05 19:32:17

You are a good mum-you wouldn't be so worried if you weren't.

It sounds like you've had one of those weeks.It happens to ALL of us & people are lying if they say it doesn't!

My dd fell down the stairs a little while back,it was my fault as I usually walk behind her to stop her tumbling over,but she was dawdling & turning around to look at dh & fell down about 7 stairs.I was next to her,but didn't react quickly enough to stop her falling.She seemed fine but we still ended up in A&E as I was terrified that she'd damaged something that wasn't visible.

After this happened,my mum told me that it had happened to me when I was a baby too & everyone who I mentioned it to said that their child had done something similar.

If it makes you feel better,between me & my sister & 3 cousins we,
fell down stairs
cut head after falling against a hearth,
Cut under eye after breaking a tea cup,
Split front tooth in 2 after falling over,
Drank home perming lotion
Walked into a barbed wire fence,
Fell off the back of a moving trailer,
Fell in a huge nettle patch
Fell into the brook more times than I can remember.
And they are the ones I am old enough to remember-goodness knows what else we did before that,but we all lived to tell the tale.

morningpaper Thu 10-Feb-05 19:36:24

Oh don't feel bad, this is all NORMAL.

Lsat week DH fell down a FULL FLIGHT OF STAIRS while holding dd - she had a massive bump where they banged heads.

Then a couple of days later I was carrying her in my arms like a baby and SMACKED her head against the doorframe.

Tonight DH poked her in the eye and then as he went to say sorry whacked her head and knocked her over.

I have just cut all my finger nails because she keeps screaming that I've scratched her.

All in a day's work!

Dalesgirl Thu 10-Feb-05 19:59:01

Greetings

I love all these tales, it shows how crazy parenting really is! My kid was 2 when he got chickenpox. I took him to the doctor, he felt so rotten and he was such a trooper..and what did I do to reward his bravery? Smash his head on the corner of the car door as I struggled to get him into his car seat for the journey home. So off I went with a spotty and now bleeding child back into the surgery from whence we had come...the doctor was only mildly amused. I felt bad for ages, especially as his little eyebrow bruised up and got blacker....I spent a lot of time in the toy shop absolving my guilt.

Clayhead Thu 10-Feb-05 20:07:23

My dd broke her leg at 2 1/2 by falling down a single step whilst I was stood right next to her, I felt so guilty that I didn't stop her.

Today, she leant out to the side whilst on the buggy board and I managed to smack her head on a wheely bin. More guilt...

Just 2 examples of many, you really are not the only one!

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