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Parenting

finding it all a bit gruelling atm

33 replies

oops · 28/07/2008 22:52

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 28/07/2008 22:54

It is hard.

How old are the children ?

Do you both work?

Sorry to fire qs at you.

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oops · 28/07/2008 23:09

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charliecat · 28/07/2008 23:12

DO you have any mates who would have the kids for a weekend and you could have theirs another?

Plonk the kids in front of a dvd and get outside and read the newspaper with a glass of wine. At least once a week.

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Seuss · 28/07/2008 23:13

Kinda know where your coming from. I do have family that help but one of my ds' has special needs so leaving the kids with anyone but grand-parents is a bit no-no. Plus grandparents are very busy caring for elderly relatives so are usually too tired to babysit.

Do you use babysitters? or childcare? Could you maybe use them for a day off without the kids?

I think we must have the same friend - she is five years older than me but looks ten younger. My father-in-law asked me why I'm always frowning - I am not always frowning - those are just lines!!!

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 28/07/2008 23:14

Aww you sound knackered, the pair of you.

Any chance that you take it in turns to have a lie-in over the next week or so, working patterns permitting - the adult who is up takes the DCs out so that the sleeper can rest undisturbed.

Bring bedtimes back from holiday lateness to something resembling 'normal' over the next few days?

And see if you can snatch a half hour here and there in the evenings with DH, work permitting.

Sympathy, but remember, 'this too shall pass'. Trite but true.

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Seuss · 28/07/2008 23:16

I second the paper and a glass of wine idea. It actually feels quite decadent (until the little darlings come out and say very loudly 'Mummy what are you drinking? Is it wine? Do adults drink wine' and you can hear your neighbours tutting...)

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oops · 28/07/2008 23:20

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charliecat · 28/07/2008 23:20

And to get bedtime back KNACKER them tommorow. Do laps round the garden etc etc then settle early for a movie night. THEN you sneak outside with a wine and the paper and maybe even some candles.

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charliecat · 28/07/2008 23:21

Having 2 extra kids for the weekend is actually easier. Honestly. They go off and play because its a novelty. Truely.
I had my mates kids for 3 days and it was a breeze.

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oops · 28/07/2008 23:27

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Seuss · 28/07/2008 23:27

Charliecat is right - wheras my dcs will squabble, if you put another couple of kids in the mix they usually play quite nicely.

When your youngest starts school it will get easier because school will be knackering them both out - plus they'll have play-dates and stuff - kids clubs - playschemes. Hang in there!

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charliecat · 28/07/2008 23:30

Top and Tail And then, whoevers you have had would have yours in return.
Give it some thought. Run it past a mate who you would trust with your dcs

And wine in the garden tommorow.

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theinsider · 28/07/2008 23:30

Just typed a long reply and lost it.

of course you're all tired, you have two small, exhausting children. As well as both working. You swap laughing a lot for sighing a lot. And whinging about how tired you are.

But do you remember how you wanted children? And how you felt there was something missing? Small children are a bastard sometimes and the tiredness means you can lose persepctive. Yes you'de like them to stop for a few days, of course you would, no shame, we all would, but overall I guess I'd probably not be without them?

Think about the future. The holidays you'll all have, how they'll play together. Family Sunday lunches. Christmas. It will be worth it, it's just knackering right now. Hang on in there, you love your children and what they bring you. You've created a beuatiful family and your children are so special. Enjoy them.

And make full use of C-beebies for a lie-in

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oops · 28/07/2008 23:32

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oops · 28/07/2008 23:33

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harpomarx · 28/07/2008 23:38

think spending time with other couples with kids helps - the kids take care of themselves and having other adults there stops you from just focusing on the kids. And I agree with charliecat about sleepovers - believe it or not it can make it easier.

also, are you and dh doing everything together when he is not at work? couldn't you take turns to do a full day or even half a day on your own with them? That way you do get the kids 'to stop' just for a bit. It helps.

Am a single parent so I totally understand where you're coming from with that feeling that it's relentless. But it's fun too, especially if you share your family life iwth others.

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Gateau · 29/07/2008 09:01

That was a lovely post, theinsider. That also made me mist over (I'm so soppy these days - does it come with being a mum???!) though I have often thought the same about the future myself.

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sophiebbb · 29/07/2008 09:09

When does it get easier?? I was kind of hoping that when they reached the age of Ooop's kids (nearly 3 and nearly 5) it would have got easier...Mine are 20mths and 3mths. I didn't sleep a wink last night...

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oops · 29/07/2008 21:08

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harpomarx · 29/07/2008 22:17

I think quite a lot of men are like that, oops. And women too, come to that. YOu value your family so you feel like you should be spending all weekend together doing family stuff. But it's really tiring sometimes and I think you should try to get some time to yourself (not working!). Does he know other dads that he could get together with to do stuff with the kids? Maybe he is a bit daunted by the idea of coping with both of them together?

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charliecat · 30/07/2008 09:46

Didnt see this last night. I felt like killing one of mine this week and they are 7 and 10 YEARS.

Did you get your wine in the garden?

I realise your children are young, but try a little bit of lapse parenting. If you arent going out, dont bother getting dressed, if they dont look dirty, leave out the bath, if they arent eating the meals you are cooking STOP wasting your time, give them beans on toast.
Dont make huge efforts to entertain them. Throw them outside with a roll of wall paper and some crayons/paint.
Get them used to waiting 5 minutes for you to respond.
Start saying, yes darling, in a minute.

Get bedtime done as swiftly as possibly, no faffng around with tired rat children, they ARE going to moan whether you are standing there arguing with them or not. You may as well run a bath for yourself while they are settling.

It just makes you feel that little bit more in control and less like a slave to them.

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oops · 30/07/2008 09:59

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charliecat · 30/07/2008 10:00

Awww you sound much better
Hope you have a nice picnic today Have fun!

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harpomarx · 30/07/2008 21:55

I am totally with you on the lapse (lax?) parenting, charliecat . It's really good for everyone just to get on with their own thing at home sometimes - I seem to know lots of people who are, as you say, slaves to their children, always taking them out, doing things with/for them, cooking what the kids want instead of what they want etc etc.

hey, I also agreed iwth you on the domestic slattern thread - wonder what else we have in common

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charliecat · 31/07/2008 12:30

Dread to think harpo

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