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He wants me to be more like his best friend's mum.....

(11 Posts)
Flowertop Mon 28-Jul-08 19:24:03

I have DS1 nearly 10 and tonight we have had an argument. He got really upset and said that he wishes I was more like his BF's mum. She is always happy and smiley and lets him do quite a lot more than my DS1. I feel really awful and sad but explained I can't be more like her. She is lovely btw. He really got upset as if he is the unluckiest kid in the world. I know I should put this into perspective but can't help feeling such a crap person. We do expect a lot from the boys in terms of good behaviour. They don't get everything they want and I can't be happy and totally loving all the time - I just can't.

FAQ Mon 28-Jul-08 19:25:27

I know it's hard - but try not to worry too much about it.

I bet his BF sometimes says the same thing to his mum when she's not happy and smiley (NO-ONE is happy and smiley all the time)

claricebeansmum Mon 28-Jul-08 19:25:54

They all say this. Both my DS (12) and DD (10) have pointed out that their BFs mothers are better than me. It is a case of the grass is always greener...

nickytwotimes Mon 28-Jul-08 19:26:22

All kids say this.
I certainly thought it myself as a youngster.
It is no reflection on you or your parenting skills.
They are lucky to have a Mum who sets boundaries and who is honest about her feelings.

TheArmadillo Mon 28-Jul-08 19:27:21

i doubt she is either.
Remind him he doesn't see her 24 hours a day.

Kids say stuff that hurts sometimes, don't listen to them. THey only say it to the ones they can trust not to stop loving them if they do.

A parent's job is to give kids what they need not what they want.

No one can be happy and loving all the time. RObots could - but would you like a robot for a parent or a human being?

wheresthehamster Mon 28-Jul-08 19:37:22

Wouldn't you rather have a child who tells you hateful things than one who thinks it but bottles it up? I know I do.

My dds often scream that they hate me and I'm the worst mother in the world blah blah blah but they also tell me they love me and I'm the best mum in the world. Feelings out in the open is good.

In the circumstances you just have to say 'but no one loves you like I do'.

Is this a good time to review your parenting. You say you expect a lot. Is it too much?

But as everyone else has said - don't worry!

BrownSuga Mon 28-Jul-08 20:07:13

My friends used to think my mother was sooo nice, but they didn't have to live with her (she was a complete beeyatch, and still is).

Your DS probably only gets to see the lovely side, I'm sure she has her moments as well.

As he has opened up to you about it, can you ask him specifically if there is anything that he'd like from you, it might be a small thing that you CAN do?

candyfluff Mon 28-Jul-08 20:13:51

i think its an age thing coz my son is also 10 and he seems to enjoy days out with his friends more than family days out and we also get alot of one day im the best mum in the world and the next day im the worst mum in the world so i just try to remember what it felt to be that age.

lizinthesticks Mon 28-Jul-08 21:04:34

"Wouldn't you rather have a child who tells you hateful things than one who thinks it but bottles it up?"

Well actually no. If they don't mean it, then what is there to bottle up? It would be different if it was a case of heartfelt simmering resentment over an issue of substance, that would fester away down the years leading eventually to insanity and a miserable lonely death. However, what we seem to be talking about here is more the petulant froth of tweenage angst. So no, I would prefer an absence of amateur dramatic querulousness if it's all the same. Whether or not this can be reasonably be expected of a 10 y/o is of course another matter.

Gateau Tue 29-Jul-08 09:20:44

It's a one-off statement, I think. His BF's mum probably did something REALLY nice that day - and he's probably just got a bit upset with you and mentioned it. It's playground stuff that kids do.
I remember saying it to my mum - and it certainly wasn't a heartfelt emotion that I held deep within me. I feel bad about saying it now, though.

Flowertop Tue 29-Jul-08 15:09:02

Thanks for all your replies. I know I should put into perspective but we have had a lot of issues with DS1 over the years that I am just much more sensitive to him. I know if I was to ask him what sort of parents he wants it would be Parents who let me do exactly what I like, watch what I live on TV and not to have to do any school work at all. He would be able to eat exactly what he liked oh and to also drink as much coke as can manage. Yes, I know most kids would love to have all of this but mine really hates any kind of discipline in or out of the home. He really takes the 'NO' word quite badly and cannot understand why he cannot do as he likes. We have had countless converstations about why he can't do as he pleases, eat what he likes. watch far too grown up programs etc. but he just feels that he is not allowed to do what he wants. I just feel as if I have a teenager in the house who is unhappy. The trouble is he has quite an unhappy personality (from birth!) and feels like the world is against him. I find it very difficult to try to reason all the time and explain why he can't do what he wants etc. Thanks for letting me vent it really helps.
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