In need of helppppp

[hayleylou]

My ds in 2.2yrs and at the moment he is refusung to do anything... getting dressed, eating etc. I am getting frustrated with him all he seems to be doing is crying and throwing himself in a temper paddy on to the floor....Should I battle with him to do things or leave him to get on his paddy!! Need advise please oh wise ones

[Twiglett]

they all do it

its a phase

OK now the mantra is out of the way

the battle / leave to paddy really depends on what you need to do ..if you need to get ready to go out, then just tip him over so he's lying down and deal with one limb at a time (keeping a firm grip)

if you don't need to be anywhere just let him get on with it and ignore the ridiculous behaviour

as far as food goes leave him to it IMO .. children do NOT starve themselves, but they do enjoy the attention

this too will pass

[anorak]

They call it the 'Terrible Twos', Hayley.

Franky I'd feel very put out if another mother didn't have to face this when I had to do it 3 times

It's character-building (for you, that is)!

[desperatehousewife]

just going through this myself - we have found sticker chart brilliant for rewarding good behaviour. Every time i want him to do something i tell him he will get a gold star and after 10 gold stars he gets tiny pack of chocolate buttons. Bribery - works nearly all the time!

Just remember though - it's just a phase!

[Bozza]

Actually think that you have done well to get to 2.2 before it has started. I think DS was past the worst by this point. Ignore is obviously the best treatment but like twiglet says depends on the circs. Would otherwise just do as she says about getting him dressed without talking or eye contact (am I mean?). I would actually leave the room if it happened at home but its amazing how they can collect themselves enough to follow you to another room and then start up all over again.

[hayleylou]

Sticker chart sounds like a good idea... Would a 2.2yrs understand it? I don't suppose you can tell me how long this PHASE goes on for?

[desperatehousewife]

I think each childs phase lasts differnt times - but it won't be forever - maybe a few weeks maybe a couple of months. I did sticker chart with 2.5yr old and he did get it. It's worth trying maybe - if it doesn't work, then put it away and try it in a few months time.

We had probably a couple of weeks of hell at xmas time with tantrums and not wanting to do a single thing I asked him to do (it's their way of testing you and of exercising control i think) - i reacted really badly to it to start with - ending up screaming at him and making him stand in the naughty corner several times a day -

I felt so frustrated that I couldn't control a 2.5yr old and questioned my parenting skills...but from posting on mums net found out that every parent goes through this phase and it does pass!

I actually found that if I stayed calmer not only did i feel better, but he reacted better too. I was firm about the things which really mattered (like being strapped into car seat) but I chilled out about things that weren't really life or death - eg: refusing to put coat on to go outside - i figured he runs around a lot and isn't as cold as I am (!) and will ask for his coat if he gets cold. So what I'm trying to say is I got less stressed about the things that didn't matter so much.

[anorak]

Actually someone posted a page of cracking advice about how to control recalcitrant children, a few months ago - just can't remember who it was!

[SoupDragon]

I used to whinge, whine and throw temper tantrums back at mine when they went through this "phase". It didn't help the situation much but it was very theraputic. They do get through it. Eventually. DS1 still throws the odd wobbly now he's nearly 6 but nothig like the one-a-minute tantrums of the Terrible Twos and Therrible Threes.

I've used a variation on the sticker chart "the pasta jar" where DSs are rewarded with pieces of pasta which we then convert to (in their case) pocket money but you could use chocolate buttoms. I like it because it allows for "punishment" as you can take pasta away which they then have to earn back with the correct behaviour. DS2 understood this from about 3.5 yrs so he was a bit older.

[Gobbledigook]

Twiglett - I'm with you on every word!

Perfectly normal hayleylou - let him ride it out!

[hayleylou]

BUMP

[handlemecarefully]

If dd refuses to get dressed etc the following works for me:

"Okay, forget it then. See if I care! Stay in your pyjamas!" (yes, I know - rather childish)

then I stalk off downstairs in pretend huff and ignore her.

Generally she comes running after me clutching her clothes yelling "Help me mummy"

[desperatehousewife]

that's similar to what I say now handlemecarefully - i just say "come on or i am going to go and do something else" and he hates this so normally does what I ask! so simple and so effective!