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Am I the worst mum in the world????

(47 Posts)
Nickinha Tue 08-Feb-05 13:58:27

My dd (22mth) refuses to eat any meals but goes to the cupboard and helps herself to sausages and bread. She screams and performs if I dont give it to her. I have tried hiding it and saying there is none - she just goes mad and wont eat her meal anyway so I figure rather than her go hungry at least she eats the sausage and bread. The problem is that this is EVERY day and it bothers me when she does not eat a proper meal at all over the whole weekend. The school says she eats fine but I cant remember her eating a proper meal with me.... It makes me feel like a terrible mother - it is my responsiblity to make sure she eats properly after all.... any advice out there?

WideWebWitch Tue 08-Feb-05 14:00:32

Don't have sausages and bread in there. Replace it with healthy stuff, fruit, boxes of raisins, anything, as long as it's good for her. Don't let her see she's getting to you, stay calm and don't give in. Eat good stuff yourself and she will get the idea.

hayleylou Tue 08-Feb-05 14:06:25

Have you tried putting a gate at the door, I went through same problem and someone suggested it to me now I find that ds eats only what I give him and he helps with shopping which helps him understand what is good etc!

Nickinha Tue 08-Feb-05 14:07:44

Is all dried fruit good enough for babies?»

WideWebWitch Tue 08-Feb-05 14:09:54

raisins are fine for 22 mo, as are apricots. I can't see a problem with any dried fruit or fresh fruit tbh, although take the usual care about choking (cut up grapes etc, always watch them, I still peel apples for dd too)

Nickinha Tue 08-Feb-05 14:12:18

Unluckily the kitchen/dining room/lounge is open plan and she is around me all the time while I cook supper for the rest of the family. Thats when she gets into the cupboards.

If she fills up on raisins etc will she want to eat her dinner? Or are they nutritious enough for me not to be concerned?

SenoraPostrophe Tue 08-Feb-05 14:19:14

raisins are quite sugary, so i wouldn't give her too many - much better than sweets or bread and sausages all the time though.

Another thing to try is to give smaller portions for meals - sometimes dd is put off by the amount of whatever it is i have to give her - if i take some away she'll eat it.

Also sometimes if she plays up, I cut deals with her (eg 4 more spoons and then a yoghurt) - I try not to do this too often but it works.

RTKangaMummy Tue 08-Feb-05 14:22:55

cupboard locks?

Am confused why is a 22 month at school

or do you mean nursery?

Who else is in family?

What happens if she doesn't eat a meal?

forget about lunch and not try to persuade her to eat by teatime she will be very hungry

so have your lunch while she is asleep

and don't mention lunch when she is hungry she will eat I am sure

It sounds really cruel I know but am sure it will work

Nickinha Tue 08-Feb-05 14:44:54

Hi RTKangaMummy, let me give you some background info...

I work from 9am to 7pm so dd goes to nursery school - I give her a full bowl of cereal every morning which she eats no problem.

At school they give her lunch and I pack in a yoghurt and bread for her snack when she wakes up.

I then have 2 teenage step daughters (13 + 16).

I do the shopping, cooking and cleaning so when dd does not want to eat I dont really have the patience to play games to get her to eat. (Yes i am ashamed of that)

She eats well at school, just wont eat with me! So I know she eats a good lunch at least, but what about on weekends when she turns her head away and says NO to everything I try and give her? No matter how much I try bribe her she just wont eat so I leave her thinking she will ask for food when she is hungry - only thing is she never seems to get hungry again... it is very stressful.

ThomCat Tue 08-Feb-05 14:59:33

Kids and food, it can be the bane of your life can't it. Big sympathies hon' but yes, to be honest it is your responsiblity to "make she she eats properly", seeing as how you asked, no offence or anything meant, but who else is going to do it if you don't???? I do know how hard it is and I'm not being rude or horrid or anything.

My little girl started off eating liver, greens, lentils, ec etc, now she's a lot more picky.
If I let her she would eat dry bread for every meal!

How about letting her have sausages but always offering an alternative as well and putting veggies on her plate. Sometime she won't eat them but now and then she might. Bit by bit reduce the number of sausages.

How about making a sausage casserole and also just putting one chopped up sausage round the outside?

This is what I do;
I count out 5 peas in a line on the table and say 'riht, there's 5 peas there, now don't eat that pea, right' and she promptly pops it in her mouth in fits of giggles and I pretend to be all upset, and say 'ohh no, I can't believe you eat that pea, you little monkey, right, well don't eat this pea will you', and we continue this counting/eating game until most of the broccoli, carrots, and of course the peas have gone.

ThomCat Tue 08-Feb-05 15:00:41

Oh and the answer to the tilte of your thread - NO, you're not a terrible mum, not at all.
You've just got a little girl who is testing you and toddlers and mealtimes is a hard one.
TC xx

Amanda3266 Tue 08-Feb-05 15:08:03


Don't panic - you sound as though you give her an excellent meal for nursery and with that and the bread and sausages she is getting an excellent diet.

However, as she doesn't do this at nursery she has obviously found that it's a way to wind you up .

You don't need to play any games with her - next time she has supper (even if it IS just bread and sausages ) don't nag - just comment on what she's eating - well done, that's a large piece of sausage, is that nice? etc etc etc.

Try adding another item of food to the bread and sausages and see if she'll take this with the meal (she may not initially). Even if she doesn't eat this extra piece of food don't comment - she's having a game with you as she knows it gets you arguing with her.

sandyballs Tue 08-Feb-05 15:08:45

Great idea with the veg Thomcat, I'm going to try that with my DDs tonight!

Amanda3266 Tue 08-Feb-05 15:10:04

Thomcat - the veggie thing is brilliant - have to remember that one.

ThomCat Tue 08-Feb-05 15:19:55

Oh I'm glad you said that, i thougth there might be outrage that i encourage playing with food!!!

I have to say thought, it's GREAT. If it works, it works SO well and has never, ever failed me.

Sometimes i stand at the end of the table and pretend to try and run round and 'get her' before she eats a carrot (she can just about eat for giggling) and other times I pretnd to look away and then look back and can't understand where the sweetcorn has gone, put another bit on the table and say to it 'now you stay there while i look for the other one, Lottie, dont eat it okay' and the look under the table, come up and low and behold that bit of baby sweetcorn has gone!

it's also a good way to teach counting and some basic very early maths etc.

TC x

Nickinha Tue 08-Feb-05 15:20:43

Ahh Tomcat - you have a brilliant idea there, she does love to play games like that (when I pretend to be upset it sets her off in giggling fits)you guys are all very encouraging. I feel excited to go home and try your ideas.

ThomCat Tue 08-Feb-05 15:23:27

Oh nickinha, that's so good to read, that you feel excited about meal times again. there's nothing worse than a stressed out meal time.
Please, please let us know how you get on.

Nickinha Tue 08-Feb-05 15:25:12

You have my word tomcat. Tonights menu is carrots peas and sausage.... (we have curry she cant eat) sound good? will tell you tomorrow how it went - thanx a lot

ThomCat Tue 08-Feb-05 15:33:06


Socci Tue 08-Feb-05 15:37:35

Message withdrawn

beachyhead Tue 08-Feb-05 16:02:36

My dd developed this thing called 'sole carer syndrome' or so the GP said, when my dh looked after her for a year....she would not eat from him and it wound him up so much as he thought he was failing her...the more wound up he got, the less she would eat, to the point that at the weekends if I was feeding her and he walked in the room, she would pick up the bowl and chuck it on the floor. It took a long time to sort out, by changing eating patterns, times etc, but we got there in the end. It is so gut wrenching, I know, but no, you are not a bad mother......

RTKangaMummy Tue 08-Feb-05 16:16:15


I am so sorry

I shopuldn't have answered you then because I was just going out to get DS from school

I rushed it without thinking about the consequences of what I was writing

Please ignore my post.

Nickinha Tue 08-Feb-05 16:58:28

never mind RTKangamummy - you did not offend :-)

Nickinha Tue 08-Feb-05 16:59:33

That is something I can always bear in mind if things dont get better - thanx beachyhead.

jessicasmummy Tue 08-Feb-05 17:34:02

what does she eat at nursery??? have you thought about cooknig the same as what she has there????

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