Help me - I feel I'm losing it with my 3 year old.

[sophierosie]

DD is 3.3 and driving me crazy.

Today she threw her dinner across the room on purpose. She has been whining constantly for about the last month. This has coincided with her starting to wake at about 5am - I think the whining is linked to her tiredness.

She has a huge temper which I know she gets from me and recently if she doesn't get her own way she's started hitting me.

When we're out and about playing with friends etc she's the most delightful friendly well behaved little girl - then turns into a she-devil when she's at home.

I feel like I'm losing my way with her - the naughty step doesn't work anymore - she gets really frantic if I try to give her 'time out' to calm down but that doesn't work.

Any advice?

[nell12]

Stay calm... she obviously knows which buttons to press with you, just dont rise to them.

If she throws her dinner across the room, pick it up and put it in the bin and that is the end of dinner time.

If she hits you, crouch down, make eye contact and say firmly no if she gets frantic, it is her way of trying to get you to give in to her... dont rise to it.

If she behaves beautifully when she is out, she is obviously emotionally mature enough to control her behaviour. So praise the good and remind her of how proud you are of her when she behaves.

Can you tell I have a 3y-o dd as well

[sophierosie]

Its a nightmare isn't it? She didn't go through the terrible twos at all as she had really good language so didn't get frustrated about not being able to communicate - but since turning three has been a nightmare.

I do normally stay as calm as I can - although did shout at her after she threw her dinner - it was fish and peas so went everywhere!

She's definitely emotionally mature - and got very upset when I burst into tears (at bathtime when trying to wash her hair) - the final straw!

What are they going to be like when they're teenagers - aargh...

[myredcardigan]

Staying calm is a good approach but easier said than done!

I've been having similar problems and as a last ditch effort made a star chart. To my amazement it has worked. The naughtiness hasn't gone, its just more manageable as he's really keen and excited by the rewards.

Not sure how long it will last but it's getting us over a difficult patch. Actually, it is teaching him that his actions have consequences good and bad. Though like any 3yr old, he forgets.
Good luck

[sophierosie]

We have used a sticker chart in the past which she has responded to well, although this time I think its tiredness that is taking its toll - today she was pleading to go bed by 6pm!

She was much better behaved today - mainly because dh told her he'd take away all her toys!

[kolakube]

I have a 3 yr old too. I was getting really frustrated with all the same sort of stuff and then realised I had to go back to basics:

If I made a threat, I had to follow it through even though it usually meant more tears/rage.

I had to be consistent - every time she hit/shouted/was rude she got the same reaction from me.

She's not model child but definately better. It has also helped me feel more confident about controlling her behaviour because i have a bit of a plan. HTH.

[sophierosie]

Yes - I'd definitely agree about the following through of threats - I'm just trying to get DH on board about everything - he's not around much so tends to deal with her a bit differently - gives her lots more treats etc to compensate - its hard to make sure you've got a consistent approach.

I guess why I felt so low yesterday is that for 98% of the time she really is so well behaved, happy and content - she's starting nursery in september which I think she really needs as I just can't keep her occupied enough! Sometimes I wish she was there already - is that a bad thing?

[Seuss]

They definitey reach a point where they are ready for nursery! My dd is doing exactly the same stuff at the moment - I put it down to tiredness too as she is trying to keep up with big bros. I am trying to keep calm but I think I can feel ulcers coming on. I can't believe I wasn't ready for this after the other two but I think she has been angelic for quite a time and like yours didn't have any language frustrations and so I wasn't ready for it. If it all gets a bit much I go and hide in the toilet for a minute!