How do I stop shouting ?

[FoghornLeghorn]

I have 2 DD's, 4 and 20 months and am 37 weeks pregnant with #3. I've been working full time up until last week and DH has been at home with DD's. I have had no patience with them lately at all but thought it was maybe down to working/tiredness etc and thought things would improve once I'd finished work but I just moan at them constantly and lose my temper so quickly and I shout alot.

Alot of the things they do are just 'kids being kids' and I realise tha after I've reacted badly to whatever it is they have done.
They aren't perfect, DD1 in particular should know better with some things and it's her I'm struggling more with at the minute.

Give me some tips to stop over-reacting and be a nice mummy again please

[NotQuiteCockney]

Try to just take a breath before you react. Most things kids do don't have to be reacted to right away. You have a moment. Stop and think, and decide if this is worth that much of a fuss.

[chloemegjess]

Maybe you could try and do some fun things together you would all enjoy? Maybe have some days out where you can all spend some good quality time together? Might help a bit?
Sorry I am not much help.

[kittywise]

Make a 'pact' with yourself that you are not going to shout for 24 hours. Doing this makes it more manageable then every time you feel/ hear yourself starting to raise your voice, you stop it and calm down.

When you feel yourself getting overly wound up stop, take deep breaths, count to 10 (or more if you need to)

There is much more to this then simply stopping shouting you have to really want to stop and become very aware of yourself during the day, monitor your moods, become aware of the things that trigger shouting so that they do not take you unawares.
if you start shouting think to yourself 'right I'm loosing control and raising my voice I need to stop"

Good luck

[AbbeyA]

I found that once you start to moan at that age it goes from bad to worse! I used to go into another room and count to ten, then go back and find something pleasant to say! I found that if I could react to the postive I could ignore some of the negative and we got on much better. I should try and have something to do each day. Spend some time with the 4 yr old and try and get her on your side as a helper.

[quickdrawmcgraw]

what works for me is getting myself into a certain state of mind that makes me become more pleasant towards them. Tell yourself that you really love spending time with them and that they are fantastic kids (that sometimes do things without thinking of the consequences). I find that they sense my nicer attitude and don't try and work against me then. I always have worse days with them if I tell myself that I'm doing an awful job and that they're turning out as brats.
I also try not to add a lot of crap to the end of saying 'stop'. ie I say 'stop twisting yourself up in the curtains and come and help me with this'
rather than 'leave the bloody curtains alone, they'll come off the railing and I don't have the money to replace them, can't you have some respect for the things in this house, you're always doing things like that and you're driving me mad!' which leaves me feeling like a failure and dc feeling resentful.

[FoghornLeghorn]

Thanks all
I know all of these things already, I just don't seem to be able to put them into practice at the minute.
I will make a more concious effort from today

[mummypud]

i thought it was just me! i am also 37 weeks pregnant and am so uptight that my dd and dh husband must think an ogre moved in!

[anotherdayyetanothernickame]

www.amazon.co.uk/Cool-Calm-Parent-No-Matter/dp/1905410328?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Try this? Not read it but looks interesting.

[anotherdayyetanothernickame]

www.amazon.co.uk/Cool-Calm-Parent-No-Matter/dp/1905410328?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Try this? Not read it but looks interesting.

[anotherdayyetanothernickame]

Oh damn - didn't mean to do that twice - sorry.

[IllegallyBrunette]

Same here Foghorn, desperatly want to stop it, but everytime I make a pact with
myself to stop it never works.

[clutteredup]

IKWYM. I'm having a hard time at the moment and however hard i try not to shout I do so in the end - almost more if I have managed not to shout all day.
For a while when things were going well and I was getting enough sleep to cope it was easy not to shout, now I'm tired all the time and feeling down as a result, i shout far more at the DC and DH too.
Is there an esay solution - I do want to stop shouting its just I can't.

[AnnieAreYouOkAreYouOkAnnie]

Instead of shouting commands, eg 'Stop that!', 'Eat your dinner!', 'Stop pulling my hair!', 'Get in here!', try changing your wording round - eg, 'Mammy doesn't like when you pull her hair', or 'It's not nice to have your hair pulled, it can hurt', or 'The table is not for climbing on, it's for food or books'...
The time it takes you to change it round in your head, you will have calmed down a little, and the children may apprectiate what you say more, rather than being roared at. It also gives them a moment to process what you have said, they'll be more likely to take notice of what you say.

I know it's very difficult, and it takes practice. Good luck.

[FoghornLeghorn]

Thanks all.

Well I did make a concious effort yesterday and I didn't shout ... I did find myself going to shout a couple of times but I stopped myself and thought about how I said what I needed to say.
I've promised DD1 that if she can listen to what is asked of her today and not have to be told 5, 6, 7 times then we will go to the park with her bike and maybe get the paddling pool out.

[kittywise]

cool, do you feel better for it?

[orangina]

I have a slightly creepy sounding calm voice that I tend to put on towards the end of the day when everyone's meltdowns are just about to happen... I call it my therapists voice and although it does sometimes require more patience than I thought was possible NOT to shout, if I use the therapists voice, it tends to bring things back from the edge. Either that or silence, until dd screams herself out while I (appear to) not react....

I sympathise though, feel exactly the same as you with dc similar ages... couldn't imagine trying to do it while 37 weeks pregnant! Good luck!

[FoghornLeghorn]

OK will practice my therapists voice and DH has also suggested imagining supernanny was following me around .....
We didn't get to the park today because DD1 hit her sister and has answered DH & I back on a fairly regular basis, however ..... we have been out in the garden playing football and playing on her bike and scooter so I think we reached a happy medium.

Off to do bath's and early nights soon as both DD's are absolutely exhausted and starting to get pretty grumpy

[bojangles]

Hi - I think you are doing really well to even consider stopping shouting bearing in mind you are 37 wks and have 2 DC's and have been working full time. I am also working full time and have DD age 4 and DS age 2 plus am 17 wks pg with DC3 and I am a grumpy Mum who shouts. Our DC's ages are exhausting and I bearly have the energy to read to them let alone much else.

I have read the comments here with great interest and will try some ideas out, however I do think that we have to go easy on ourselves and dare I say it being a bit of a shouty Mum probably won't do any harm in the short term!!

Good luck.