Is a reward chart appropriate for this?

[Thinkstoomuch]

DS1 recently moved up a room at nursery, to pre-school, and has been upset when we drop him off in the morning. Prior to this he would run in without looking back, so the move has clearly knocked his confidence. He's apparently always fine within a couple of minutes of us going, he loves being there and when we pick him up he doesn't want to leave!

The nursery suggested a reward chart for not getting upset at drop-off. He's responded well to a chart before, but I'm not sure it's right to tell DS he needs to not get upset in order to get a reward if that's how he really feels!

[LittleBella]

I think you are right.

His feelings of upset should be acknowledged, not whitewashed/ starwashed.

[LittleBella]

Actually thinking about it, this is more about the convenience of the nursery. He's not behaving badly/ inappropriately, he's just sad. That's inconvenient.

But children sometimes are.

[thisisyesterday]

I agree with you completely.
He is upset because it has changed. bribing him to not feel the way he feels is a ridiculous idea on the nursery's part.
what he needs is assurances that you'll be back soon, and to show him that they care.
and if he is ok within a few minutes then it isn't really that much of an issue surely???

[S1ur]

I see your point a chart does seem to be missing the point.

What do he give as his reason for getting upset?
Preschool can seem like a big step, maybe give him a while to settle and in the meantime. Can you think of a activity that he gets to do when he first arrives at nursery that he'd love? Working with nursery of course... Like helping th teacher set up the messy play or being the one to set out all the cars for the other children.

A job to focus on and give him somewhere to be.

[Thinkstoomuch]

Good, I thought it didn't seem quite right.
Of course I've asked him why he's upset but he can't really articulate it. I guess it's just the change and going from being the biggest one in the room to being one of the smallest. He's normally a super-confident outgoing boy so I really do want to try to tackle it somehow. A job to focus on is a splendid idea. He's very helpful and loves to tidy up etc. so maybe I could ask them to make him official something or other, helping them set up for the day.

[TeeBee]

What a scary thought - to reward a child to hide his true feelings. I would be concerned that the nursery are suggesting this to be honest. Totally bizarre!

[LittleBella]

Yes they sound like one of those chart-obsessed places. Charts solve everything, doncha know.

Except they don't...