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Would you let your nearly 3-year-old go on a 2-week beach holiday with your parents? If you have just had a new baby....

(40 Posts)
justaphase Sun 20-Jul-08 11:56:59

DS is 2.10, is used to travelling and loves spending time with his grandparents.

New baby is due in the first week of August. My parents have just offered to take DS on a 2-week holiday to Greece in the second half of August to make it easier for us to cope with the new arrival.

Our initial reaction was, NO WAY, we will miss him too much and will worry about him. However, I am now having second thoughts - am I being selfish here? He will probably have a great time.... why take this away from him? And it would certainly give me and the new baby some space and time to get used to each other.

The other thing that I really can not put my finger on is this: from his perspective, with a new arrival - does sending him on a holiday make him feel more special and grown up or would it seem to him that we don't want him with us any more now that we have a new one.

Help please, what would you do?

EffiePerine Sun 20-Jul-08 11:58:19

Could they do a week rather than 2?

Uriel Sun 20-Jul-08 11:58:28

No, I couldn't have done it at that age.

twinsetandpearls Sun 20-Jul-08 11:59:44

I would let him go if he wants to go. But talk to him and make it clear that this is a treat and not a way of pusing him out. Depends on the child really my dd would go.

snickersnack Sun 20-Jul-08 12:01:43

It's very sweet of your parents but I'd think carefully. We took ds to Florida aged 3 months for a wedding and left dd behind (she was nearly 3 at the time) and it took her ages to get over it. She definitely felt neglected, I think, and we had a couple of months of sleep and behaviour problems. I think it's easier to underestimate how traumatic it can be for children when a sibling arrives - they all cope eventually, but sending him on a holiday, however wonderful, might send the wrong message. I think it depends on your ds, I suppose, and his temperament.

Could you ask your parents to delay it a bit? Or keep the offer open until next year when he will be older and really will have a great time and there wouldn't be any issues with the baby?

lazaroulovesleggings Sun 20-Jul-08 12:02:19

I wouldn't. It's too far away. Why don't they just have him stay at their house and go for days out?

RubberDuck Sun 20-Jul-08 12:02:49

I don't know... I think I would be oscillating too - it's a great and really thoughtful offer from your parents.

The only thing I can say is that when ds2 was born, I'd organised ds1 (then also 3) to stay up with my sister-in-law and brother-in-law for 3 days. He was fine up there, and really enjoyed himself with his cousins... BUT...

... I came home from the hospital 7 hours after the birth and was DESPERATE to see ds1. It felt wrong him not being there too. So ended up sending dh on a 4hr round trip to fetch him back blush.

I was glad I did though as ds1 was amazed at his little brother, it was lovely for him to be included at that time, and they've had a very good relationship since (though the latter could be coincidence, of course). He also adores babies even now. Might that still have been the case if he hadn't been back with his brother early on? Probably - that's the problem with anecdotal evidence after all - but I'm glad he was there.

Obviously, if your ds is in Greece it's much harder to change your mind grin. Maybe somewhere for a shorter time and nearer to home?

MrsWeasley Sun 20-Jul-08 12:03:12

No way would I allow this but thats mainly because I wouldnt trust my parents!

Its a long way if he (or they) have had enough and want to come home!

Could he cope with the heat?

lazaroulovesleggings Sun 20-Jul-08 12:03:48

RubberDuck, that's exactly how I felt after having ds2. I really wanted to get home to my other baby.

Mercy Sun 20-Jul-08 12:04:10

I don't think I would - 2 weeks is a long time, especially to be abroad.

When ds was a couple of weeks old, dd (who was almost 3) got chicken pox so her aunt looked after her for 3 or 4 days. They are very close but dd was upset and angry with us when she came home. And we were all in London, spoke very day on the phone etc.

BroccoliSpears Sun 20-Jul-08 12:04:50

My new baby is 11 weeks old now and my 2-year-old is still struggling a bit with insecurity and feeling generally unsettled. 2-year-old is usually a very laid back, easy going child and I've been surprised by how hard she's taken having a baby brother. I have been very glad indeed that since baby bro got here I've been able to keep things calm and consistant and be there for her as much as I was pre-baby. My answer would be a definite no, I wouldn't have let her go for fear of reinforcing the idea that "mummy has a new baby now and you're not included."

juuule Sun 20-Jul-08 12:06:19

No I wouldn't. It wouldn't feel right at all to me. I would want us all together as a family getting used to being with each other and our newest member.

justaphase Sun 20-Jul-08 12:14:54

He is very mature (for a 3-year-old ) and I am reasonably comfortable with my parents on safety etc. .... While I would definitely ask him if he wants to go, I expect that he would say yes but not understand the implications of it at all. He has no concept of what 2 weeks means. He also has no idea how the new baby will make him feel at this stage.

Would he not be happy to have all the attention focused on him, rather than sharing it with the new baby?

lazaroulovesleggings Sun 20-Jul-08 12:17:13

Your parents could take him off your hands during hte day while you spend time with your new baby, then deliver him home at night. You can then have some time cuddling him and asking him what he did with granny and grandad during the day.

juuule Sun 20-Jul-08 12:17:36

No matter how mature he is (how mature can a 3yo be with regard to something like this) I would want him at home with us and the new baby.

juuule Sun 20-Jul-08 12:18:40

Her parents are going to Greece, lazarou. I suspect they couldn't get her ds back for the evenings wink

lazaroulovesleggings Sun 20-Jul-08 12:19:45

I just think it can be quite distressing for a toddler to be so far away from his parents. I also think you will miss him like crazy.

mazzystar Sun 20-Jul-08 12:21:13

No way I would do it
Very big chance of ds feeling pushed out - and at too young an age to understand and explain his feelings
Very sweet of your parents but I think he needs to be with you at this time

lazaroulovesleggings Sun 20-Jul-08 12:21:34

Oh, are they going to Greece anyway?

justaphase Sun 20-Jul-08 12:26:31

Well, I guess I could ask them to stay but since this is their holiday that they booked last year and I would have MIL here to help, I think it would not be fair.

largeginandtonic Sun 20-Jul-08 12:26:51

I say let him go. When i had the last baby the other children went to stay with their Dad and his girlfriend.

They saw the baby and me at home then off they went, i was worried about how they would be, especially the 2 and half year old but he was fine!

If he is as comfortable with the Grandparents as he is with you then i am sure he will be ok.

The only thing is if he is not they are a long way away. Mine were only 10 minutes down the road.

Tough decision.

juuule Sun 20-Jul-08 12:29:31

I just assumed they were going to Greece anyway and had offered to take your ds with them. If your ds didn't go I didn't think you meant that you would consider asking them to cancel their holiday.
Are you worried about being able to cope with the new baby and a toddler? Are you on your own?

hermykne Sun 20-Jul-08 12:35:48

i dont think i would, ask them to mind him when the baby is born, at home instea, thanking them very much

Sidge Sun 20-Jul-08 12:44:08

I wouldn't.

I think it may send a message that you don't want him around (even if it's not true!) and I think it's important for siblings to be involved in the arrival of the new baby. It may be that he's so busy having fun in Greece he wouldn't think twice, but then he may feel very pushed away. At that age everything's very black and white, he may not understand your reasoning.

spicemonster Sun 20-Jul-08 12:50:19

I'm no child psychologist but I would worry that he will feel that you sent him away because you don't want him around now you have a new baby.

It's a lovely idea and I'm sure meant very kindly but I don't think it's the best thing for him tbh

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