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Is your NO a NO, or a weak no followed by YES just dam well have it!!!!!!!!! ??(56 Posts)
Well, Is it? Cos right now, that is me. Where oh where I ask you, has all my resillience, perseverance, continuity, strength.... where has it gone?
I was so full of it, I swear. Felt I would rule like militarian come dictator, and I would have them all in hand, and that just one look from me, would have em running and bowing out the room backwards.
But no <<slumps to floor in defeat>> they have it over me. DS 4years, when told no, harps on and on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on.... until I can bear it no longer. I breathe in deep and out again, in, out, in out... then calmly say, My dear when Mummy says NO, I dont want you to then whine and complain.
And the crying and howling starts. Five mins later... can I have...
Inwardly I scream and feel my body wobbling like a jelly as though my head as gone to mush, and I snap at him.... oh ruddy well have it!!!!!!!!
Yep. I'm the same.
No no no no no oh ok then.
Do you think we need help?
They do wear you down at times, don't they?
Thing is, it's all very well knowing you have to be strong and not give in or give mixed messages, but it can be bloody hard.
I'm a "no means no" person.
But I am tough.
It's easier in the long run to say no and mean no though.
They give up after a couple of times of asking if they know there's no point in moaning on...and on.... and on....... and on.
It depends what it is. I do say 'I said no and I mean no' a bit though.
I was going to post something very similar tonight..
My DD is close to 4 and everything becomes a battleground and capitulating is often just such an easy option and I hate being the nazi parent..
My situation isn't helped by the fact that DH is such a soft touch and just doesn't keep his side up...
My mum always tells me to pick my battles, but at the end of the day I just too tired to try to divert attention and fire fight..
A big tin of chocolate is the only advice...
No means no very very very rarely and only if they have been extremely good and I suddenly realise I actually had no reason to say no do they get a yes.
nagapie - I think you must live in my house sounds just like dd1 (almost 4) and dh
My no is no. When (not that they do anymore) they go on and on I simply say "When I said no what I actually meant was NO!" Works like a charm I'm all heart!
I always try to not say no unless I really mean it
gives me a chance to change my mind
but if I say no I stick to it forever.
My mum did with us and claims we never moaned - I do remember friends doing the please, please, please thing and never bothering as I knowing it would get no where
for example tonight she has gone to bed with pj,s/dressing gown and huge fluffy slippers plus her duvet because I got bored of asking her to take them off and her screaming that she wanted them on even though I said she'll get hot etc, I'll just take them off later when she is in a deep sleep
i'm afraid i must be harsh cause my NO is a NO. My dd tries harder than ds but after i have said NO for the second time i have to explain that she will be put to her room if she continues on and on after i have said NO, dd is 5 and hasn't actually been sent to her room as she stops as soon as i've said NO means NO, but sometimes i think because i stuck to this with ds and then dd came along 4yrs later it was easier for me to stick to it but maybe if dd was here first i just might of given into her demands as she does try to go on and on, is it maybe a girl thing thet they try harder to get what they want cause ds was quite obeadient in that when i said NO the first time he wouldn't ask again where as dd does try until i mention you will have to go to your room
My no is a no. Always.
Show signs of weakness and they will always look for it, every single time you say no.
For those of you that say you are tough, and your no is NO, I so you!!!
nagapie I understand about picking your battles, but forget. And now, after posting this and having a think, its probably more a case of where Im at in myself. Just tired I guess, and sometimes I just want to be away from them and not hear another bicker or scream and crying bout.
I do need to pick my battles, but I need to get a grip and be tough like you other ladies. You are right, in the long term if I keep giving in, there will be no respect or belief that when I say no, I actually mean it.
I will start tonight, well... give it a go. I did say to DS when he just asked for more ice-cream. Felt quite good with meself LOL
If you don't want them to go on and on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on
then you need to stick with NO.
It's hard in the short term but well worth the effort in the long term.
yep picking your battles definately helps. I generally let DS judt get on with things a lot of the time, but if I say NO to something, I don't ever change my mind. Don't hate me now, but he's 5 and if he asks for something and I say no that's it, he doesn't bother asking again and doesn't make a fuss (usually. Catch him when he's tired on or a bad day and he's a pita).
Hell no! The first time a no becomes a yes, the little buggers will rule you! If they ever get their own way by pestering, next time they will go on and on and on, because they know you'll crack! In the long term it just makes things worse for you.
I know this because I've done it in the past and it came back and bit me in the bum!
In fact, I find the opposite works quite well...
me - "bedtime in 15 minutes"
me "14 minutes"
me "13 minutes"
me "12 minutes"
them "sorry sorry sorry"
bedtime 12 minutes later
me "bedtime in 15 minutes"
Each tantrummy outburst actually makes it worse for them! [evil]
I do try to pick my battles with my DD, but it is easier said than done and I fall far short ...
i have given up on my no completely lately actually my no has turned into "just try not to kill yourself"/ "watch it if you want but you will have nightmares" funnily enough when they have nothing to argue about they tend to behave!! dd decided all her own that it probably wasnt a good idea to surf down the stairs on her duvet and 'the ring' probably would give her nightmares!!
Hectate, you marvel you LOL. I'll try that, but have sort of tried it, by saying you are losing your story time. Falls on deaf ears, and we still get the whinning when story time is cut short. It frays your nerves in the end, deafens you.
OK, very behind now getting em to bed, DD first, then DS. Will sit him down to watch kids tv for a while. they share a bedroom at the mo, which is proving a bedtime prob tbh.
thanks for your responses. much appreciated
my No, is 99% always NO.
they get several warnings, if they bang on and on about it, then they get sent to their rooms.
even little dd3 who is 3.
dd1 (8years old) wanted to go out the front today. i said no. 15mins later 'can i go out' no. 20mins later can i go' NO! and if you ask one mroe time you wont be allowed out at all over the weekend.
so then got 'i'm bored'
But surfing downstairs on a duvet is good fun! Even better sliding in a sleeping bag
My no usually means no. I do pick my battles.
Also sometimes I've said no, but am persuaded otherwise by reasonable discussion, or realise I've been too harsh, or just said no automatically.
It isn't always a bad thing to change your mind
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