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how do you start to discpline an 11 month old

(35 Posts)
bumbly Thu 17-Jul-08 21:13:09

starting to winge and cry a lot and def don't want him to be such a baby - but a good one!

need tips

already little one resents me for trying to do what is best for him...

so thread a bit sensitive for me at mo

harpomarx Thu 17-Jul-08 21:15:08

I don't think whinging and crying is naughty behaviour. In fact I don't think an 11 month old should be disciplined. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear...

EffiePerine Thu 17-Jul-08 21:15:29

he is a baby. Lots of cuddles, routine, plenty of exercise and reserve 'no' for the dangerous stuff

<tries to follow own advice with DS>

bumbly Thu 17-Jul-08 21:16:13

sorry by discpline i mean the beginnings of understanding he can't always havwe his way

MrsSylar Thu 17-Jul-08 21:16:41

What sort of things do you want to discipline him about?

I don't think at that age they have the concept of being naughty.

I also don't think babies can be resentful at that age either.

Have just read the other thread you started, and I am wondering if you might be a bit depressed. If so, please please get some help. It is out there

RubySlippers Thu 17-Jul-08 21:16:43

you don't discipline an 11 month old

they have no concept of right and wrong or of adult concepts like resentment - although it can feel like it!

it can be a trying age - not talking/walking etc so they can get frustrated easily and quickly IME

like everything else it is a phase and does pass but i am sorry if it feels sensitive and a bit much for you

perhaps try some new activites or even going on a different walk route

does he nap well - tired babies can be super cranky

bumbly Thu 17-Jul-08 21:17:06

ok having huge tanturm for no apparent reason and you have been calm and so has he but say he wants something out of blue and screams - what do you do???

harpomarx Thu 17-Jul-08 21:17:24

ok, misunderstood. Just calm, friendly firmness I guess. Agree with Effie, lots of cuddles.

bumbly Thu 17-Jul-08 21:18:39

grin

EffiePerine Thu 17-Jul-08 21:19:23

tantrums: think it depends on the child. I'd either try to distract or cuddle, or ignore but still be nice (what are you doing on the floor? Are you going to help mummy with the washing up? - works with DS but he is older and a bit of a mug grin)

Have you read toddler taming by Christopher Green? Has some good approaches

Hi bumbly. It sounds like our babies are following the same pattern still - I remember your posts from when he was tiny, I know you had a hard time of it.

If it helps at all, I find DS is very much the same just now. I honestly think it's a symptom of frustration - it seems like his understanding of the world is really coming together but he's still physically unable to do a lot so he gets really whingey. Especially if he's tired or grumpy with teething.

I ignore it to be honest, I just talk happy in silly voices to try and gee him out of it and make sure he gets plenty sleep. I don't tell him off because he doesn't understand yet. He gets told 'No!' of he tries to stick things in sockets or bite the dog for example, but mostly otherwise I ignore any moaning and give reassurance if he's clingy and insecure.

I think this is a tough age for babies - like everything he will grow out of it

bumbly Thu 17-Jul-08 21:37:07

thanks conley

by the way if i say no he looks to me and understands he cant touch fireplace

so why can't we start discplining as i am POSITIVE he understands

but unfortunately only when he wants to

I read somewhere that they understand but they haven't got the concentration to be able to follow our instructions because they're so intrigued by whatever they're investigating that it distracts them, or something!

I think lots of praise for doing good things and just removing them from the dangerous things is all we can do just now - soon it will get easier

meemar Thu 17-Jul-08 21:44:22

Regarding stuff like the fireplace, all you can do at this age is repeat 'no' and remove him from the situation. For some babies it takes longer to sink in than others.

My DS1 learned really quickly which things weren't for touching. DS2 however was completely different and would go back to things over and over again.

We had to decide what was important behaviour to try and correct, and which things we should let go. We ended up moving some things out of reach (something we swore we would never do grin).

His behaviour is normal - try to see it that way!

bumbly Thu 17-Jul-08 21:44:30

thnks conley - intersting point there



thanks for cheering me up

bumbly Thu 17-Jul-08 21:45:40

so...when do you start disciplining then?

meemar Thu 17-Jul-08 21:47:33

What do you mean by discipline? Do you mean consequences for unwanted behaviour?

I would think probably not before about 18 months, but again, it depends on the child and their level of understanding.

bumbly Thu 17-Jul-08 21:48:00

yes as in start teching them right from worng

puffylovett Thu 17-Jul-08 21:49:08

hi bumbly
I've been focussing on loads and loads and loads of praise and happy clapping and over the top smiles and laughs for all the good stuff he does.
then when he does something I don't like, I tell him No, remove him from the situation and tell him WHY (he might not understand just yet that HOT means BURN but only cos he's not burnt himself yet grin) and then quickly divert his attention on to something else with loads of positivity - I find that avoids the tantrums.

it seems to be working so far, he's a really good wel lbehaved little boy (well I think so, but I am biased !!! 16 mths BTW)

Think DIVERSION and you've won the battle at this age, i reckon

puffylovett Thu 17-Jul-08 21:51:14

oh, and the other thing that's really helpful is to turn him into mummys little helper grin

ie he throws a spastic when it's time to put the toys away & go to bed unless we do a race or make a game of it and then he does it no problem & races me up the stairs..

WilfSell Thu 17-Jul-08 21:54:26

he won't be mature enough to really understand reason and cause until he's about 3, so you've little hope of reward/consequence type stuff...

Wot everyone else says: you just gotta move everything out of reach so there's less temptation for him and you're not constantly saying no... you'll have a better time of it but finding something shiny and noisy he can hold instead of the fork, plug socket, fireplace etc, or just picking him up and tickling him until he's forgotten about it.

Trying to say 'no' and being firm just won't work yet and you'll both be miserable...

I have three very demanding boys and the youngest is 11 mo. I've learnt from painful experience that distraction is far better than discipline until they're quite old really. there's plenty of time later for 'right and wrong' but even the 9 yo still needs a bit of 'ooh look at the pretty colours - here's a biscuit' sometimes grin

WilfSell Thu 17-Jul-08 21:55:01

hmm at 'throws a spastic'...

DaisySteiner Thu 17-Jul-08 21:55:05

"he throws a spastic"?! Do you want to have a re-think about that puffy?

meemar Thu 17-Jul-08 21:57:35

'right from wrong' is a long way off. All you can teach them now is behaviour that gets rewards (lots of praise and happy mummy) versus behaviour that gets a negative response.

It is a long process though. Some children are more wilfull than others (like my DS2) and however much praise you give for 'good' behaviour, they just can't resist the lure of the CD shelf smile.

Distraction and diversion is best while they are still babies.

ladytophamhatt Thu 17-Jul-08 22:03:01

I was quite shocked at the OP but pufftlovetts comment has totally gobsmacked me.

why woudl you say something like that???

Jesus....I'm am more than shocked TBH.

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