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Please come and tell me about your 9 yo girls - desperately need some direction/to let off steam!

(4 Posts)
MrsDaisyFlower Tue 15-Jul-08 21:28:14

DD1 has just turned 9, and is otherwise a lovely child. Well mannered, helpful, full of life, great sense of humour...

BUT she is prone to throwing HUGE temper tantrums and I am beginning to feel resentful, even hateful of her. I feel so guilty about this - I want to love her completely for being such a wonderful child, but her tantrums are getting the better of me ATM.

Is this normal? Should she still have tantrums? I don't think I am a terrible mother, but I just can't see why she behaves like this! What am I doing wrong? Am I doing anything wrong? Is there something wrong with DD1?

DD2 is amazing. She, like DD1 has a strong character, but DD2 is reasonable. If DD2 is cross or upset about something she will say so, we will have a discussion, we will come to some sort of solution: all will be well. When DD1 is upset or feels wronged, she will grump and the grump will quickly escalate into a tantrum. I am willing to accept that I may be miss-managing her grumps, but there are some things that I am just not willing to let pass. For instance, on the way home from school if she is dragging her heals and we need to get home quickly and I ask her to quicken her pace she will huff, and refuse to move because I am "telling her off for no reason" sometimes we are on our bikes and she does this in the road, once very nearly causing an accident because she stopped so sharply, and then she declares "I am not going home and you can't make me" So I will remove 9 mins from the amount of time she can spend out to play, explaining that this is because you have behaved in such a manner. This is when the tantrum starts. The tantrum will last for hours. Sometimes I can manage to get her home (removing privileges every few metres as her tantrum picks up momentum and she throws herself back to the floor...) Sometimes she is so ferocious that I have to sit it out publicly: my face burning with embarrassment as passers by stare in shock.

Her school friends complain that she is moody at school too, and can be needy and demanding on their friendships. Is this connected?

What can I do to help her become the amazing little girl that is lurking beneath this tirade of screaming fever-pitch tears insults (although insults only directed at me - I do wonder how long it will be before she starts insulting others!) and grumpy little lost soul? sad

My mother, most helpfully, thinks she is destined to be a school drop-out. Others comment on how wonderful she is - until they have the misfortune to witness one of her outbursts!

...and there was I considering CM! hmm

jammi Tue 15-Jul-08 23:08:27

Message withdrawn

mumonthenet Tue 15-Jul-08 23:15:14

she's different from dd2.

don't compare them.

dd1 is probably pre-hormonal too, (or whatever it's called)

she's asserting her independence. You have to find a way to handle that without it escalating.

MrsDaisyFlower Wed 16-Jul-08 00:00:56

I am too tired right now, but I will glance through your threads tomorrow jammi, thank you for that!

mumonthenet, I hadn't recognised that I was comparing them - but that is exactly what I am doing! And quite frequently too! DD1 must feel quite disappointed ATM

Thank you both

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