My 6 year old appears to have neither love nor compassion for his 3 year old brother, it is wearing me down. I dont know what to do. It is getting to a point where I feel so angry and upset it is starting to eat up my love for him.
He was the apple of my eye, I loved him so much, I thought he was so fantastic. Not any more. He keeps putting his brother at risk. He is thoughtless around him, has no regard for him being little. He is so petty.
We just returned from a few days away with my cousin and her 4 1/2 year old dd. It was breaking my heart. My six year old would consipire with the girl to leave his brother out of play, even with games such as hide and seek etc they could all do together. It was going on and on. His brother would put his face in his hands and sob his heart out, and I ended up spending most of the time playing with him, as his brother wouldnt. Or I found something else for my 3 year old to do.
On one occasion he was playing with a ball, and it accidentally bounced and hit my 6 year old in the neck. My toddler apologised and hugged him. Later, when out of view from the adults, my 3 year old tried to cuddle his brother, and my 6 year old hit him in the neck.
My 6 year old was walking on the beach, and my 3 year old followed, looking at shells and stones, and then he needed help to get up on a rock, so he stretched out his hand, called for his brother to help, my 6 year old looked at him, and turned his back and walked away. My 3 year old sat down resigned and sobbed.
My 6 year old and the girl, kept asking my 3 year old to move away, go elsewhere, even when he was just happily playing with bucket and spade in the sand next to me.
After 4 days of witnessing my 6 year old repeatedly treat his brother with not just indifference, but contempt, I cannot even bring myself to look at him. My heart is breaking, I feel I have lost something.
I have tried encourage play together, I have tried talking to my six yer old about being nice and treat others the way YOU want to be treated, I have tried divert attention to other things for my 3 year old to play with as some times "big" children just want to play "their" game. But really, there was no activity that my 3 year old could not take part in, except badminton. But even that he did with me, using a smaller racket. He had no issue grasping the rules of Ludo, and we played the game happily, and memory game, and fishing games. Even if he can play all these games, my 6 year old and our 4 1/2 year old friend just wouldnt. My 3 yer old kept asking to play, and they just turned their backs.
My 3 year old adores his older brother, always asks for a treat for him, if I give him something, and he will carry it to him and give him. My 6 year old never does this. If I offer him a treat, he will hurry and eat it before 3 year old realizes and ask for more. (I always ensure they both get the same anyway, so 3 year old does not lose out). My 6 year old cannot STAND it if I buy something for 3 year old, even just a spade or a little plastic animal, and it doesnt matter if HE got a lego set the day before if 3 year old got nothing, he still kicks up a fuss.
If we are in the car and I point out a horse, he huffs and puffs if he did not see it, but 3 year old did see the horse. Equally, if his brother doesnt see the horse, but he did, he is jubilant, saying " Yippi! He did not see it! But I did."
It seems to me now that my 6 year old is a selfish and selfcentered little spoilt child who cant stand his little brother.
I am angry and upset, as I have always treated them both fairly, and with love and respect.
I cant make my 6 year old love his brother, but how can I protect my 3 year old from his brothers hurtful behaviour?
And how can I stop myself from starting to loathe my 6 year old in all this?
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How can you show love, support and understanding, and be a good parent for a child who keeps being nasty to sibling and show no love or understanding to his brother?
40 replies
QuintessentialShadows · 11/07/2008 23:38
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