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I really don't like Dd1 at times, does this make me a terrible mother?

(33 Posts)
SparklyGothKat Thu 10-Jul-08 13:11:10

I adore all my kids, but Dd1 is very trying. She has CP and ADHD, and everything is a battle with her. Just getting her to get dressed and fed in the morning is a struggle. She screams and shouts at everyone, she has no volume control. She beats up Ds1 and Dd2, and losts control of herself so often. Sometimes I wish I never had her The others miss out on treats because of her behaviour. I don't like feeling like this about one of my children.

theressomethingaboutmarie Thu 10-Jul-08 13:28:59

No it doesn't SGK. You are only human and clearly dealing with alot. Do you have any help with her?

SparklyGothKat Thu 10-Jul-08 13:33:51

We have a carer twice a month on a saturday. Ds1 has CP too (to a greater degree than Dd1) and he is easy to deal with conpared to Dd1. She has learning problems too. I just want to sit and sob sometimes.

Tortington Thu 10-Jul-08 13:35:13

i dont like my kids all the time

love em though

at the mo i don't like ds2

he gets on my last nerve - and i want to kick his scawny little arse right up through his gobshite mouth.

so sue me if you think i'm a bad mother - cos i don't give a shit.

PinkTulips Thu 10-Jul-08 13:41:51

Sparkly, i don't even have the Sn to deal with and there are days i'd happily exchange dd for a chocolate bar and feel i got the better end of the deal.

today for example

Acinonyx Thu 10-Jul-08 13:48:53

I'm sure I would feel the same. We can all handle a bit of difficult behaviour some of the time. But when it's relentless, I think it is terribly wearing - and sometimes must just feel unbearable. Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job.

SparklyGothKat Thu 10-Jul-08 13:56:25

She is very hard work, she was born at 31 weeks and as a result has CP and ADHD, learning disabilities, no stranger or road awareness. She is a lovely girl when she behaves (which isn't often)

samsonthecat Thu 10-Jul-08 14:15:14

I sometimes feel the same about DD1 and have no SN to deal with. I have sometimes thought it would be better it I never had her but in all honesty I could't live with out her cause I really do love her. You are not a bad person, just normal!

SparklyGothKat Thu 10-Jul-08 14:26:57

Thanks, I just feel so bad when I think that it would have been better if I never had her. It doesn't help that I was pregnant but miscarriaged and she was concieved the same month I was due to have the lost baby. I sometimes think that if i hadn't miscarriaged then I wouldn't have had her.
She is very so trying, and all the normal tricks, like taking away treats, the step, being sent to her room, just don't work with her. I have done parenting courses to try and get ideas on how to deal with her, but nothing changes.

cat64 Thu 10-Jul-08 14:30:38

Message withdrawn

oneplusone Thu 10-Jul-08 15:41:17

you are not a bad mum, i feel the same sometimes and i don't have the additional difficulties you have to cope with. Don't beat yourself up, read a book i got recently called Torn in Two by Rozsika Parker about maternal ambivalence, you will feel a whole lot better.

Egg Thu 10-Jul-08 16:15:06

Sparkly, I am constantly at the mo wishing away one or other of mine. It is usually one of the DTs as I keep thinking to myself "I only wanted one baby, I didn't want twins" and then feel horribly guilty as I would be devastated if anything happened to any of them, but when someone is screaming and screaming (or more to the point when they are all at it together) I keep thinking how life would be so much easier with two children instead of three. DS1 is at a very trying age and I am struggling a bit to cope with all three together. None have SN (that we are aware of, DTs only 6 months) but I imagine that really must make things harder.

You always come across as a smashing and caring mum on your posts.

SparklyGothKat Thu 10-Jul-08 16:21:25

Oh joys I have picked up the kids and had dd2 screaming at me, because the 'healthly lollies' the year 5 made, sold out and she didn;t get one, then she screamed at me because I lost her school work, even though she shoved it under the buggy and then ran off..
Dd1 is shouting and screaming at full volume and I have a headache...

sheepgomeep Thu 10-Jul-08 16:34:52

Ds has ADHD and there are at times where I dislike him and he gets on my nerves.

I do love him but he causes a lot of friction and tension in the house and I know I have to 'learn' to deal with it better but its so bloody hard.

I think you are only human and dealing with some very tough things.

greenelizabeth Thu 10-Jul-08 16:36:38

I struggle with my two some days, and neither is as challenging as your dd1. You don't sound a bad mother. You sound like you are overstretched and overstressed.

SparklyGothKat Thu 10-Jul-08 16:38:12

exactly sheep, she causes so much tension in the house. And Dd2 bounces off Dd1 and thinks its a normal way to behave.. I sometimes want to take Ds2 (as he is a baby and easy) and just run away and hide for a few days..

sheepgomeep Thu 10-Jul-08 16:46:16

snap with your dd2 thinking its normal behaviour. We have this with dd1 and we have to explain to her that no its not normal behaviour and she is like well if he does it why can't I?

SparklyGothKat Thu 10-Jul-08 16:50:58

Dd2 knows that Dd1 has ADHD and takes her 'angry tablets' to calm her down. But she thinks that screaming at everyone is normal, that pushing and fighting is normal. We have had fingers slammed in doors, bumps and bruises, where they fight.. I will be glad when the stairgates go back on, as I can stop imagining one of them coming tumbling down the stairs...

sheepgomeep Thu 10-Jul-08 16:57:57

sounds very familiar sad ds also takes medication, just waiting to see an improvement.

ds almost pulled dd1 arm out of her socket in one of his rages over something so silly last week

Stargazer Thu 10-Jul-08 17:02:04

No - just a normal mother. I know how you feel my DS has ADHD and can be a nightmare, but I breathe and get a glass of wine wink. My DS is now 12 and much improved - when he was small, I thought he'd be lucky to get to 10 - never mind 12 grin. I do hope things improve for you.

SparklyGothKat Thu 10-Jul-08 17:03:39

I just find it soo hard at times

Stargazer Thu 10-Jul-08 17:10:13

{{{{Sparkly}}}} - think you need them.

sheepgomeep Thu 10-Jul-08 19:45:16

we've just had world war 3 over taking the bloody dog for a walk sad

ds has meltdown because he isn't allowed to hold the lead {he let her onto the road last time]
cue hysterical tantrum, screaming and kicking doors, swearing.

So I banned him from going, dp just took dd1 and I stayed with him

He's calmed down now and is eating shortbread

SparklyGothKat Thu 10-Jul-08 22:00:09

sheep! We had a tantrum earlier for asking her to get ready for bed. she is 8 now, i have to physically pick her up from wherever she has decided to throw herself and lift her to her feet and ask her again, over and over

Pinkchampagne Thu 10-Jul-08 22:14:57

I feel awful admitting it, but I have similar thoughts about DS1 sometimes. He is a very trying child (has SN but not got a definite dx yet) and it feels like everything is a struggle. Just recently I feel I am spending most of my time moaning at him for one thing or another. I love him loads, but there are definite times when I feel I don't actually like him, and I recently found myself having the "life would be easier if I just had DS2 to deal with" thought. I felt guilty for thinking it, and feel guilty admitting it, but we are only human.
Sounds like you have a lot to deal with, SGK, so don't be too hard on yourself.

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