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parents of onlies -do you 'baby' them more?

(13 Posts)
whitebeachesandcoconutoil Thu 10-Jul-08 09:37:51

i have an only 2.9 and i only plan on having him but i wondered do you find that you 'baby' them more than people with other children?
the reason i ask is because i have 2 freinds with lo 's the same age but then they also both have babies andwhilst developmentaly all the 2 year olds are similar i find i still spend a lot of 'time' with him.
he is very indepedent ,will happily play on his own and we have lots of nice time doing 'stuff' together ifysiwm-i am not explaining very well am i but its little things like the other day my freind said xx put your coat on whereas i just did it for my lo[even though he could do it himself.does anyone else see what i mean and is it a downfall

Kayran Thu 10-Jul-08 09:51:18

I have only one natural child who is four (very nearly five). In January this year we were approved as foster parents and our two little charges arrived very soon after. The first is now 2 1/2 and the second 12 months. Obviously they were younger when they arrived and having two genuinely little people in the house did make me re-evaluate how much I did for my own. For example I would 'help' her finish her dinner! I have been amazed at how she has matured in the last few months BUT I have struggled and really miss being the mummy of an 'only'. I guess it all comes out in the wash and by the time they are 18 they will all be putting on their own coats and finishing their dinners....

mankymummy Thu 10-Jul-08 09:53:07

i suppose i do baby my 2+10 DS but then whats so wrong in that? they are only little for such a short time.

i think even if i had more DCs i would be the same with them. my DS is very independent and outgoing too so my babying him doesnt seemed to have affected him adversely!!!

edam Thu 10-Jul-08 10:06:21

I don't think it's a problem unless you take it to extremes and are still putting his shoes on every day when he's seven or something. Ds is perfectly capable of taking off his own shoes but when we get home from school he will often lie down on the bottom step (it's a very big corner step) and stick his feet out for me to do it, Roman Emperor stylie. Sometimes I do because it makes me chuckle. Mothers of two or more have less time to fuss around each one, but I do. And if it's not bothering me or done to the extent of making ds less capable than his peers, what's the problem?

whitebeachesandcoconutoil Thu 10-Jul-08 11:19:35

tbh i actually enjoy doing the 'little' things for him but i just wondered if it was common- i won't change my ways i know that he is equal amongst his peers in capability and developmentally but you know when you just have one of those 'moments' and wonder?

choccypig Thu 10-Jul-08 11:22:45

I think it works the other way as well. Some quite grown-up things I've done with DS probably wouldn't have happened with littler ones in tow. Eating out is the one that springs to mind.

whitebeachesandcoconutoil Thu 10-Jul-08 11:25:07

i think you are perfectly right choccypig my lo is quite used to doing 'grown up' stuff as well as fun stuff iyswim

Acinonyx Thu 10-Jul-08 14:03:57

Oh definitley. I've noticed that the other toddlers all became more independent when a sibling arrived - but not dd (3). I do still do a lot of stuff for/with her - clothes, meals. Like you, my main concern is that she can do things if she needs to.

True too though choccy. I like to eat out or shop with dd - much simpler with one.

Vinegar Thu 10-Jul-08 14:15:15

I have babied dd(5) to some extent. I don't regret it. I enjoy babying her a little and it doesn't seem to have done her any harm - she is a bright popular little girl.
Am expecting number 2 now, but she is ready for more independence now anyway. I don't see why they have to grow up too fast.

BlueberryPancake Thu 10-Jul-08 14:44:32

It's a good point, but they all develop at their own pace anyway depending on their personalities. I have a friend with a little 3 year old girl who wants to do absolutely everything on her own (an only child) whereas my oldest (very laid back) boy rarely insists on doing something 'by himself' (unless it involves climbing up on / in something with high risk of injury).

Eating out is out of the question at the moment with my 2. It just doesn't work.

Shoegazer Fri 11-Jul-08 20:54:23

I don't baby my onlie, she won't let me! I agree with Blueberry Pancake that personality has an impact on this, both yours and your DC's.

LindzDelirium Tue 15-Jul-08 08:57:19

I don't baby my only dd (almost 6)in the way I talk to her, or anything like that plus we have never had nursery rhymes in the car, she's always been in childcare etc etc but she is a "typical only child" in that she can't do anything for herself, getting dressed, shoes on brushing teeth etc. Well the fact is she can, but she chooses not to because Mummy only her her to deal with!

streakybacon Tue 15-Jul-08 11:15:19

DS (9) is an only, but he's never been babied. If anything I'm the opposite with him. He has Asperger's and I'm determined he'll be as independent as his peers so I'm probably harder on him than a lot of parents. Boundaries have to be very firm with AS and there's no room for grey areas, so we have to have a lot of very strict rules or he won't respond and learn how to do things for himself. He can be highly manipulative and if I do things for him he'll expect it and there'll be tantrums like you wouldn't imagine.

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