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(20 Posts)
DazedEmma Tue 08-Jul-08 23:20:22

I am so mad!

Please can someone tell me how to get through to a man who is being a complete TW*T? How can I make him want his own baby? I'm so close to giving up on him which I really have tried so hard not to!!!

moondog Tue 08-Jul-08 23:21:57

Maybe you should.
You can't force him into anything.

Jackstini Tue 08-Jul-08 23:24:02

There is no guaranteed way - if someone knew it she would be a very rich lady by now!
Is baby here or on the way? Sorry you are having this crap sad

KerryMum Tue 08-Jul-08 23:27:23

you can't.

move on.

you'll feel better for it in the end.

It will take a bit of time and pain but you'll be stronger and more self-assured in the long run.

Tell him to fuck off.

DazedEmma Tue 08-Jul-08 23:29:36

she's on the way, due 8th sept. He's just a muppet! I'm THIS close to telling him to FUCCCCCCCK OFF but i'm trying to not piss him off so he'll sort himself out by the time she arrives x

Candlewax Tue 08-Jul-08 23:32:36

You might be okay. Something "magical" happens at birth. That is assuming he is going to be there....

DazedEmma Tue 08-Jul-08 23:35:58

he said he doesn't want to be but that magic you're talking about is what is keeping me sane, in my heart i truly believe once labor kicks in and he realise she's actually on her way, he'll want to be there and then when she's finally here, he'll realise what a dickhead he has been all this time and want to be there for her.

am i being stupid?

KerryMum Tue 08-Jul-08 23:38:02

You are being stupid.

Why do you want such an asshole?

You and your child deserve better than this.

BEAUTlFUL Tue 08-Jul-08 23:38:15

How did you get into this situation?!

DazedEmma Tue 08-Jul-08 23:56:56

god that's a question and a half that beautiful... in a nutshell, we broke up and had a few 'nights in' after we'd finished and then I found out I was pregnant and told him, he freaked out didn't want anything to do with me or the baby, then came round now it's getting closer to her birth he's freaked out again.

I want him to be apart of her life, I can't stand the thought of her wondering where her father was when she's older. She is my first and I just wanted everything to be perfect. I know he's just freaking out but i don't know now if he does sort himself out whether i'll even forgive him for this and ever let it go that he ABANDONED us both!

DazedEmma Tue 08-Jul-08 23:58:54

he is offering to pay maintenance and has agreed to let me have legal sole custody of her and he will pay all the finances etc etc but it's not the money i'm interested in, though through here i've learn to snap his hand off for his money, i want him to feel the way i do about her.

navyeyelasH Wed 09-Jul-08 00:01:04

Weird question don't mean to sound rude, but do you love him?

DazedEmma Wed 09-Jul-08 00:16:52

Yep. He didn't want me to have her so in fairness he's having to go along with a decision I made and he's having a hard time accepting it. I don't want him to be with me, I want him to want to be apart of her life, if that makes sense?

whitebeachesandcoconutoil Wed 09-Jul-08 09:30:59

dazedemma i am going to tell you alittle story and then go from there.
i got pregnant with my lo[who was also a september baby btw] and when i told my partner he at first seemed happy but within two days was backtracking big time.now it went without saying that i was gonna keep the baby he was also my first and also a miracle baby in the past i had had ivf etc.
to be fair we had only been together a year and we had had our fair share of ups and downs but as i approached the 12 week scan he actually said i don't want this and i don't even know if i love you.
so i left that morning ,had my scan the next day and went to my parents - i was heartbroken cos i too had wanted everything to be perfect.
i stayed with my parents for just over a month and then came back to the midlands to try and sort out a house etcetc.
a week after i had gotten back he rang me and said that he still loved me and could we meet even if just for a coffee-i agreed but was nervous.
anyway we met and he took one look ar me and fell to his knees kissing me and my belly saying he was so sorry aand saying so sorry to the baby that he had left us etc and begged forgiveness.
after much soulsearching we did get back together but it really has not been easy but we have come through the other side and are now actually married and my dh now absolutely adores lo BUT the point i want to make to yoi is
you will never forget how he was during your pregnancy,i feel sad that i 'missed' bits cos i was sorting my life out cos of him.
every time he has a moan[as we all do] about how our life has changed i get very defensive
a tiny bit of you will always feel really resentful for a long time but i really hope you can sort it all out but one thing i really want you to know is taht when your baby comes you really will only be bothered about her wellbeing. when i was pregnant i felt my life was over and that my poor lo ought to know his dad but now he is here all that matters is that he is ok and you really will not care as much about your relationship but MORE about HOW your relationship will impact your baby.
i know this has been long but i will leave you one last thought-had there been any sign that my dh had not given in to the 'magical' feeling he would have been gone-call it maternal instinct if you like. good luck and i really wish you well xxxx

TheProvincialLady Wed 09-Jul-08 09:34:22

A lot of people who have had previously good relationships struggle in the first few weeks and months of having a new baby, because it is so hard and unrelenting. I think you are living in cloud cuckoo land if you think that a man who doesn't even want to commit before all that kicks in will suddenly because Mr Partner and Father.

You might as well resign yourself to being a single mother with as much dignity as you can muster. Sorry if that is not what you want to hearsad

DazedEmma Wed 09-Jul-08 10:18:55

wb&co thanks for that it is very helpful.

I actually spoke to him this morning and have agreed to meet him on monday to discuss everything. have no clue what to expect cos we've been here before and ended up back to square one!

whitebeachesandcoconutoil Wed 09-Jul-08 10:55:27

well good luck and in the meantime enjoy your bump and remember which ever way things work out you still have a beautiful baby on the way and i PROMISE you you really will only want the best for her smile

DazedEmma Wed 09-Jul-08 12:30:28

aww yay! as pre pregnancy i would normally channel my emotions into working out/ running, i've decided i'm going to plan my work out routine post pregnancy to train for a marathon, whether it comes off or not i don't know but at least now it's giving me something to plan and keep me occupied

DazedEmma Wed 09-Jul-08 20:09:07

is it totally insane to genuinely want someone to fall off a building from a great height????

DazedEmma Wed 09-Jul-08 20:11:29

he can no longer make monday as he doesn't think it's a good idea... that's so typical of him, suggested it in the first place, now changed his mind in the space of a few hours!

deep breaths...

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